My father's views changing after I come out? When he's drunk he sometimes uses homophobic slurs, and it hurts me deeply to hear him say such language, although I know of his background and upbringing, but I want to know if his views will ever change if I tell him, I certainly hope so, because I remember him saying he would love me no matter what, The above information leads me to a lot of confusion, much help is appreciated!
Parents usually become more accepting of gay people once their kids come out to them. So, the odds are pretty good, actually. There is no guarantee, of course--there are parents who never accept their gay children, but it is really rare, at least these days in the West. It doesn't usually happen all at once, though. It can be really hard at first. So, be prepared for him to not change his mind immediately, but rather slowly, over time. In the case where he wouldn't accept you, he would probably disown you immediately. When parents observe their kids after they have come out, and see that they are happier, and witness their relationships, they usually have a different perspective on the issue because of it.
I think that there is hope in your situation, based on my assumption that he doesn't use these slurs while he's sober (since you only mentioned that he uses the slurs when he's drunk). People when angry or drunk are not really in a rational or controlled state of mind, and they can say hurtful things as a result. Your dad's drunken homophobic slurs may be an indicator of some underlying discomfort or uneasiness about homosexuals, but when he's sober and in a rational state of mind, I believe that he will accept you, since the fact that you're gay is really just one consideration among many, instead of the only one. I hope that made sense.
Hi Mimerio First of all,what you wrote could have just as easily been about me three years ago.My dad and your dad sound like brothers and to be honest what they say just knocks all your confidence away,like you can never tell them.Well my dad surprised me,so maybe yours will be the same. When i told my dad,he just said that it was "my choice" and i corrected him and pointed out that it was not a choice,its just the way i am,much the same as his "natural" draw towards women and did he ever make a choice to be straight.His reply after that was that he will be happy to see me happy with anyone and it didnt bother him.It was about three days later when i next visited,as i went in his first words were,"well at least your not here to tell me you got a girl pregnant",with a grin.That was enough for me to know he was fine with it and it is now a non issue.I honestly feel closer to my dad than i ever have before coming out to him.He certainly seems to have lost alot of his homophobia and gay slurs about others. I was told by one of his friends about an incident where someone was taking the piss out of a gay guy and tried to get my dad to join in(as he used to do)but instead he told the person to stop being a cu** and cut it out,he rightly told him he was born gay and had every right to be happy. I think alot of people change once someone close to them comes out,they realise that being gay doesnt become all that person is,but rather just a small part of who you are.They also know you as you,not a gay kid such as a friends kid coming out would be,you will always be you,just that you happen to be gay aswell. I know your fear,but people can surprise us so i wish you all the luck i had.
Yes. My brother was pretty big on the fag jokes before I came out. I haven't heard one since. This doesn't mean that your father will follow suit, of course, but it's certainly possible. Lex
