Hey everybody, I'm new here by the way.. just joined about 10 minutes ago lol. I'm actually joining because of this question and was wondering if anybody else has gone something like this before.. Here's some background info for you guys on this situation.. So I'm a 15 year old guy, and a very active tennis player. There's a group of 3 of us (all guys) that are all extremely good friends. I'm not out to either of them.. I'm not out to hardly anybody except for a couple really good friends (girls of course lol). I do act a little gay, how I talk etc.. but neither of them really think I am. The two friends are named Adam and Ethan. Adam and Ethan had been friends long before I came into the group.. But now we are all really close. We play tennis for multiple hours almost everyday, and end up spending the night at Ethan's house basically every Friday and Saturday after playing. Over the past yearish, I have become really good friends with Adam. Over that time, I have also fallen in love with him (I know.. we've never had any kind of relationship etc.. but if this isn't love I dont know what love it lol). Adam and I share beds regularly (go to tournaments for tennis all the time, at Ethan's house we usually just share a queen mattress because its the easiest thing to do). And he's never tried to do anything, so there's never been any kind of sexual interaction between the two of us; saying this because it makes me even more confident he isn't bi (definitely not gay lol) I can't stand going more then a day without seeing him (go to different high schools) and am constantly thinking about him. Whenever I'm with him I just feel so happy, he's just perfect. I really don't think this is a crush, in my opinion crushes don't last for over a year ha. And I just really don't know what to do about it, it's not like I can say anything, I wish I could but well that just wouldn't end up good at all. I feel like this is going to end up affecting our friendship (not on his part, but mine) which is another thing I really value about him.. Any advice? This has been bugging me for months, and I just really don't know what to do... Do I just ignore it? Because that seems impossible..
hmm... welcome to the forums!! i can relate to your story.. i had a crush on both of my best friends to the point where i used to think about her before i fell asleep and then my other friend guido who i am extremley close to and helped me to come out to myself, i fell hard for him, i used to get jealous of seeing him hanging around his other girl friends even though he is gay cause i thought he liked me... anyway, eventually it got to be too much and was all i was thinking about so as hard as it was, i had to say something... that did not go the way i planned and it took me awhile to get over him and now we are as close as ever.. okay, so they don't know your gay... i would say my first step or rather your first step would be to see how they feel about other gay people. are they accepting? do you hear them make homophobic jokes... then if the answer is no, you could try telling them that you are gay and go with that... if they don't seem accepting, then just don't mention any of it and keep your feelings to yourself... hard as it is, i know.... i would say judge for yourself... if you think it would be okay to tell them everything, then go for it...if not, then it's up to you!
I know how it is to crush on a close friend, and it's definitely hard to ignore. Sometimes you just grow out of if when there's nothing to be done, and sometimes - well, I've never heard of anyone who spent their entire life in love with someone they can't have, actually, so I'd say it's definitely going to dissipate eventually. Shifting focus might help in the meantime, though. Whether it's looking to meet someone of the right orientation or just having a silly celebrity crush. You know, a distraction.
I would say it would be best to work in coming out first, and trying to keep the friendships, and move your emotional gaze to something else, a good exercise is to compile a list of 50 things they do that you don't like, its really not that easy, and makes you look past the chemistry you're dealing with. anyway, best of luck no matter what you decide to do.
Trust me, crushes can last that long if you are constantly feeding it. Since you sound pretty confident that he's not gay or bi, you should probably try and get over him. What you're going through is pretty common actually. I've been through it twice before.
it is hard but i would suggest like others before have that you come out to him first, then later on you can decide whether you want to tell him everything else. i was in the same situation and i told the girl i liked that i was bisexual, she was very accepting, i didnt tell her that i liked her though and still to this day she does not know.
I've been through a really similar experience. I know it can be tough when that person is all you think about. You know that they aren't gay and they will never love you, but you entertain the notion that maybe they are bi and maybe they are interested in you and just too scared to show it. You need to stop feeding your crush before it really starts to hurt. I know it's hard to do, but realize that they are straight. You need to get over them because you're only wasting your time and becoming attached to someone who will never reciprocate your feelings. This may be hard for you because you play tennis with your friend, but I decided to completely cut my crush out of my life until i was over him.
i did what someonetosmile did. i was really sad when we lost contact, but i was also really sad when we were friends because i knew nothing will come out of it. it gets worse when you're together, and you constantly feed false hopes. i hope that you can at least find a new crush....
