I found out today that a girl from high school is gay/bi-sexual (I'm pretty sure). I was surprised that she was gay. She's in a relationship and seems really happy. I'm super shocked but glad she is doing well. No one had any idea that she was gay in high school. I never heard any rumors. As far as I knew, she was totally straight. I'm happy if she's happy...but kind of jealous. I'm kind of envious because in high school there were so many rumors about me and I went through Hell. I always felt really alone because the girl I loved backstabbed me. I was depressed for 3 years. And I'm still alone, I've never had a happy relationship. The only other girl I've been with cheated on me. I'm just jealous that she can have a girlfriend who loves her while she didn't even go through what I did in high school. I know I can't judge her situation since I don't know what she's been through... But it's hard to be alone sometimes. It seems unfair that everyone hated me in high school and I still can't have a girlfriend. I was unpopular and a loser. She was popular and everyone liked her. Does it sound mean that I am jealous of her?
It's quite possible the girl you're jealous of may be jealous of you. She sounds like she might have come out of the closet later, but perhaps that was because she wasnt sure that she was gay until after high school. Simply put, look at things from her end - maybe she's jealous of you because you knew who you were before she knew who she was. A lot of people come out of the closet either after high school or much later in life (like me!), but the downside to avoiding the harrassment is the regret of not having been able to be themselves & have the kind of life & partners they wanted when they were younger. I know for me, Id give anything to go back to when I was 16 & start transitioning & saying - yep, Im a lesbian deal with it!
Thanks it was good to hear your point of view. I'm sure it's hard to come to terms with it later as well. I'm not sure if she's jealous or not but it's interesting what you said. I guess there were no perks about being somewhat out in high school for me just because I never wanted to acknowledge it and became very self loathing. I didn't out myself so I never had that moment of pride back then. It was more like, wow everyone hates me so I must suck. I didn't have a partner or girlfriend because my best friend (who I was secretly having sex with) told everyone I was a crazy bi/lesbian. I was not sure of my sexuality when everyone found out. After high school I avoided my gayness and I'm still not 100% out. I have a very hard time discussing that I'm gay. The girl that I was talking about acknowledged on facebook that she was going to a gay club which is more than I would do even now. I'm coming to terms with it now and feeling more proud but it's a long process. I always thought it would have been easier for me if there weren't rumors and bad things said about me but I guess I'll never know. I know it's bad to say that the grass is greener on the other side when I don't know her story.
Have you thought about talking to her? Maybe send her a pm on facebook and be completely honest - that you're surprised that she's gay and ask her about her own coming-out experience. It may even help to discuss your high school experience with her because she was on the other end of it - it might give you some closure? Either way from my experience other members of the LGBT community are incredibly supportive and easy to talk to and it may just ease some of your envy by talking to her.
