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Scared of getting into a relationship

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by pirateninja, Dec 14, 2007.

  1. pirateninja

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    Basically there is a certain girl at school, same old story, straight, still friends with, can't get over. To me, if she came up to me and said "Look I was wrong about my feelings for you, I really like you...etc" I would probably die from joy. Because to me she is the essence of perfection.

    But I recently met this girl, who I know is gay (or at least bi), and she's really nice. We got talking and share similar intrests. And I think I may be falling for her.

    The problem is I kind of feel I'm leaning towards her more to fill the void that Girl #1 left me with. I know I like her now but what if it gets more serious? What if I resent her for not being the exact person I want? The last thing I want to do is hurt her. But I really like her and partly think that if I get into a relationship then it will give me "closure" from the first let down. But like I said, it could all just be horribly wrong.
     
  2. beckyg

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    I would give the second relationship a chance. Nobody is perfect, not even the first girl you fell for. Try to appreciate the good qualities you see in the second girl and get to know her better. It may work out!
     
  3. Samus610

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    I went through the same thing with one of my gay friends. But then I ended up dating a boy I've known for years. I think you should consider a relationship with this other girl. Because I know you may still have feelings for girl #1. But it's not worth chasing after something you can never have.
     
  4. pirateninja

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    That's just the trouble. It's been two years since she said "Look, I don't swing that way, but I don't want things to be wierd around us. I want us to still be friends." I mean, that alone should give some indication of what a great person she is. But two years. And it took me two years before that to actually let her know my feelings for her. So in total she's been on my mind every day for four years. But I can't seem to let go of her. But I really really want this new relationship to work. I know I like Girl #2 very much but I can't seem to stop the feelings I had for Girl #1.
     
  5. Louise

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    There is no limit to love. A mother who has one child loves it just as much as the mother who has 3 kids loves each of her three kids, the love is not shared out, each child, person, individual, whatever, provokes there own love for the person that they are, the way they speak, their mannerisms, etc.

    I don't know if that is very clear but as far as I am concerened it is not because you love girl #2 that your feelings will change towards girl #1. It will just make things easier for you to bear, you will be thinking about the new girl in your life, going out with her, getting to know her, doing loads of things you maybe haven't done before which will all leave you less time to thing about girl #1.

    If your feelings for girl #1 are really that strong but you know that nothing can become of it, move on, live your life, love the people you want to love and keep girl #1 as a good friend. That is all she will ever be for you because she is straight and I'm sorry to say she probably won't change her mind.

    You can have a loving honest relationship with someone and still keep a special place in your heart for girl #1 as long as you are open an honest with your partner about your feelings and your partner knows and trusts you. :kiss:
     
  6. ebra

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    your feelings for girl 1 may never go away. you will probably always like her, and there will probably always be a part of you that will compare every girl from here on out to her. your options here are pretty limited. you can get together with girl #2 and try to see her for her and what you two have, and try to stop bringing everything around to the first girl, or you may have to change your friendship with girl number one, take some time not being her friend in order to get closure. even though nothing came from your feelings for her, sometimes it is still like a relationsip, where if you rush into being friends too fast, you never get over that love and that devotion you had to them you know? some people need to take the time and move on by themselves, other people need to fall for someone else, and have someone else show them the love that was never returned for the first one. take some time and make sure that you are being true and fair to both yourself as well as girl #2.

    good luck!(*hug*)
     
  7. Psychedelic Bookmarks

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    oh, hard situation. and it is exactly like my life, except that i am girl #2. there's this girl i really like, and she likes me too, but she's not sure if she can get over another girl who she's loved for ages. and, speaking from a girl #2 perspective, go for it!! personally, i would rather have something for a while, give it a go, and enjoy being with each other while you can. if in the end, you can't get over girl #1, that's sad, but i would rather have it for a while than never have it. i don't know if your girl #2 is anything like me, but, in my sitatuion, that's what i wish my version of you would do. :wink: lol complicated, i hope that makes sense!
     
  8. pirateninja

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    Bad news guys. Tried to make good on all your advice and make a start with Girl #2. Unfortunately, because I didn't try to ask her out earlier, she is going out with another girl. I don't see her that often (once a week at the most), and in my indecision on whether or not to ask her out, I now have no chance. You snooze, you lose, and unfortunately that's life. Besides, all I knew was that she was gay or bi and that I was falling for her. I didn't know if she liked me back or anything. Maybe the title should have been "Scared of actually asking another girl out". I'm just wondering if I'm just terribly unlucky or if I was a bad person in a past life. Because now I just don't know what to do.
     
  9. Psychedelic Bookmarks

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    oh shucks. harsh. :frowning2: but i guess these chances come and go.... maybe she will break up with this other girl, and there's your chance. or if not, there's "always more fish in the sea"... although, i appreciate there may not be so many more lesbians in the west midlands....

    :frowning2: sorry, girl :frowning2: