have you ever felt alone in a crowded room?

I made a list. I know it sounds stupid, but I listed all the people in my life on a regular basis (in my head, but you could write it down if you have too many to remember) and started with the closest.

But I also came out in a video which I then posted stupidly online, so those I haven't told yet could easily find out.

And in response to your title question: Yes. And I am still dealing with that, but I find it much easier to engage people in conversation or just say hi now, which helps with the feeling alone both in crowded rooms, and in my own mind.

 

I'm in the same place as you. I just came out to my first friend. I pretty much accepted that I have no idea what to do next, so I am just letting the fact that I came out to him sink in first. I may tell our mutual friend next.

I still have a tough time. I have some gay girl friends but I can't even bring myself to hint that I'm gay myself, which is frustrating to me. I'm not denying the fact or trying to pretend I'm straight, but these girls are probably unsure about me and I hate it. So yes, I feel alone in a crowded room. Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin is a great song

 

Hello!

First things first! Take things one step at a time. And little steps at that.

Make an action plan. This can be the list that Black Cat suggested. Writing things down will help you compose your thoughts.

You might find it useful to tell people in writing rather than saying it to them, because at least that way you know you've said what needs to be said. Whether aloud or in a letter, be gentle with the person you're telling; think about what they're going through. Let them know that you coming out to them is a mark of how much you trust them, that no matter what you still love them (if talking to family) or still want to be friends with them. Stress how difficult the process has been for you.

I know everything seems really bewildering right now but once you clear your mind and start taking decisions, things will gradually fall into place. The most important thing, though, is that you do everything in your own time and on your own terms. It'll get easier with time and it'll get better.

Also, be prepared to answer any questions people might have. E.g. "How long have you known about your sexuality?" You can always say you're not comfortable answering those questions if you don't want to, but at least be receptive.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

Best,

Doctor Faustus.

 

I feel the same way. I feel alone almost all the time, the only thing that makes me feel better is calling and talking to my family, I feel bad that I haven't told them the truth yet, but I am hoping to tell my brother soon, the idea of having the conversation is terrifying to me, but at the same time the thought of having someone accept you seems worth it. I hope I'm right that I'll feel less alone after I do. You already have people who accept you, that's a very good thing, so hold on to that feeling.

 

To answer the question in your title: Yes, I have, and still do at times, especially when nearly everyone else in a group is in a couple. It's frustrating.

I know the feeling of being "stuck" and not knowing in which direction to head once you've come out to those first few friends. How I dealt with this is that I thought about the people I knew, their relationships to me, and their attitudes toward homosexuality, and considered the chances of a positive reaction. First, I told the ones I knew would accept me, but whose loss as a friend or acquaintance should they react badly would not ultimately be devastating. The next two people I told were my close friends whose attitudes toward homosexuality were positive. In essence, I'm coming out in stages.

Writing letters or notes, or working from a list of friends/family ranked by closeness, are all great ideas for getting your thoughts into order and forming some sort of a strategy. The most important thing to do is to not let yourself rush the process unnecessarily and end up making yourself more confused later on.

 

Welcome to EC!

I can feel "by myself" in a crowded room, but not "alone", if that makes any sense. I tend to like my own company a lot, so I never feel "alone", really. But that's me.

Where do you go from here? Wherever you want. If you don't want to tell anybody else just yet, that's fine. Just work on feeling better about yourself, and about the people who know and are still in your life.

Lex

 

I often feel the most lonely in a crowd of people, if I feel alienated from them. I don't usually feel lonely when I'm actually alone. I mean, before I came out, I usually felt that way in large groups of people--like they were all part of something I was on the outside of.

I don't feel so much that way any more.

Maybe you could consider getting involved in an activity or something that is part of the gay community.