Hey everyone, I was going through some things in my head and could use any advice or input from you. I have been dating this guy for about a month and 2 weeks now. Things have been going fantastic. I think we are at the point where we might call this an official relationship, but suddenly I am a little worried. We had been texting eachother every day, or every other day after work and it was fine. Then, last week we each went out of town for about 5 days for the holidays to be with our families. The texting really cooled down, and I hardly heard from him. I know that he is super close with his family and I sort of picked up the fact that I shouldn't bother him. But on the other hand, after 6 days I was wondering why I was the only one communicating and got worried. Anyway, we are going to get together this week and things seem to be back on board. I was thinking of apologizing and saying that I hoped I wasn't overwhelming him with messages while he was away. I am not mad and totally understand that family is first, especially when you hardly get to see them. I guess I assumed that the communication would stay sort of similar. For the record, I didn't go crazy texting, I sent 3 messages over the 5 days, just quick one's saying I was thinking of him etc. and hoped his visits were really going good. The responses were quick so I didn't send much back. So, at this point I was wondering if he had a change of heart and isn't too interested anymore? Or, was it just the time away with family? I think I will have a better guage on things after we get together again, but what do you guys think? Am I crazy? Should I apologize for the messages? I really like this guy and things have been going great. I might be overreacting but I hope things work out. Thanks for the help.
From my understanding of the situation, it seems like he is still interested in continuing the relationship with you. I believe that telling him these things that you've mentioned above will help sort things out, so that you both see eye to eye again. You mentioned that you only sent 3 texts over 5 days, so I don't see why you would need to apologize for that: three texts is not spam, but fifty texts is. You respected his need to spend time with his family, so there isn't anything you need to apologize for here, at least in my mind. Hope this helps :3
You might be worrying a bit too much about these texts, and I think that's pretty normal when you're just entering something good with a guy. It's probably way too much of a jump to consider that he's just not interested any more. And it's probably less of a deal to him as it is to you. But if you feel bothered by this, then just talk to him about it. There's no need to apologise—you have nothing to feel sorry for. But communication is always a good thing in a relationship, so if this is a big deal to you then just chat about it when you see him next and let him know how you feel.
Texting, especially over distance, can be a tricky thing in any relationship. In my own experiences (as an observer-not like I'm pro at dating here-quite the opposite rather), I've given witness to just how text-based relationships can frustrate the bonding of two people. It's hard to convey emotion with text-messaging, and thus, although we believe we understand the other person on the other phone, we really can't get the entire message. Texting is mere correspondence. Take it as face value and don't let yourself become miscontrued in what you think you are reading. Most likely he's with his family and he is busy. My suggestion is don't start thinking so pestimistic until you guys can meet again. I know when you like someone, everything seems to become so much more stressful (trust me I know), but the only way you are going to survive is by means of logical and cool thinking. Something that you haven't really had a problem with so far. All the best to you and your upcoming romantic ventures. Remember, they are just texts. Don't let yourself get carried away over them. It'll do more harm then good.
nice to know i'm not the only one with TEXTOCD. lol. i do the same thing when im really interested in someone. i wonder "what did they think or read into my text? how come they did not respond to that? should i have texted that joke because maybe they did not think it was funny? they responded back short when i sent a longer text, am i bothering them? omg, they have not texted me in a two days, are they not interested in me anymore??????" as you can see, the TEXTOCD can be exhausting. here is something that i have learned about texting: 1. no response or a lack of resopnse does not mean they do not like you, it just means they could be busy. 2. do not start off a relationship or friendship where you are texting back and forth. if it falls off, the TEXT OCD will start to kick in. Try picking up a phone or not be so tied to texting. 3. in your case, you guys are going to hang out this weekend. I would not push the issue. just say "hey how was your thanksgiving and pick it up from there." if you go down the "omg, did i text too much, i'm sorry, i hope i wasn't stalking you....blah blah blah" route, it will make you look clingy. and noone likes a clingy person accept people that need people to cling to them. just blow it off like it never happened. focus on where you guys are now and how the relationship is going. by focus i do not mean having a lenghty discussion over it. just enjoy your time and hang out. do not over think the text messages. he was on vacation with friends and family. he may not have had a lot of time to respond. also, people are weird in general. you never know what's really going on in their head sometimes. so just be you, and do you and if it's meant to be it will be.
Thanks everyone for your replies, they really helped me a lot. I guess I just got concerned that the way we were communicating informally (when texting) changed suddenly and I immediately jumped down the path of thinking it was a negative thing. I will keep you all posted on how the next meeting goes. I think at this point I won't apologize for the texts, since I didn't send that many. I am just going to go on confidently and adjust communications as we go on. I really hope this works out ok. I am at that point in the relationship where I know in my heart I really like this guy...a lot. Its to be determined if he feels the same way. Part of me wants to tell him how I feel but I don't want to rush things and scare him off, especially if he may want to move a little slower.
That's the plan. I'm going to be myself, be confident and see what happens. Stay tuned! Thanks again everyone for the replies, I really appreciate it.
great job dude! here are the quickest ways to turn someone off: 1. clingy behavior...over texting when you are not getting the same level of texts back. over calling, professing love and how much you feel they are your soul mate in a timeframe that is unrealistic for anyone to really have those feelings. 2. drama: any arguements or attitudes early on in a relationshp will scare any normal human off. 3. lack of indepedence....See #1. if you do not have your own life and as soon as you meet someone your entire life seems to start revolving on them....uhhhh most humans will try and avoid you. 4. lack of confidence: explained in earlier post. 5. cockiness: its ok to be confident in yourself but being arrogant and cocky gets you no attention and its a turn off. 6: player mentality: some sickos like to be treated like crap. it makes them feel like someone really loves them. for more mentally balanced humans, having someone treat them like crap or that they are just one of many people they are seeing/dating is a turn off. 7. not knowing what you want....if people sense confusion about you, your sexuality, or what type of situation/relationshp you may want out of them, those who are seriously looking for something special will flee from you. 8. down in the dumps/depression: if you are constantly down in the dumps, depressed, negative, whining, or whatever else, most poeple will flee from you as well. people want to be in a relationship. they do not want to become your therapist. 9. lack of self control: drink to much, smoke too much, eat too much, (insert blank)too much....most people are not going to want to deal with you unless they are also doing the same extreme excess behavior. 10. poor appearance/hygiene: noone is saying you have to be a supermodel but work with what you have an maintain yourself. if you have let yourself go and dont care what you look like, why would you think anyone else would care..
Well thanks everyone for the help, but unfortunately the worst possible outcome happened. Tonight we met and right off the bat he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship and wanted to be friends. My instincts were right. I don't know what happened, it seemed so sudden, right when thing's were going so great! I honestly would be in worse shape right now if I didn't believe that he was truly honest with me. We ended up hanging out for a couple hours just talking and having fun. We agreed to keep in touch and maybe hang out again soon, as friends. I thanked him for being honest. I really do appreciate that. Ugh, this is so hard. I have been dumped a few times recently and this guy was so nice. Regardless of things, I still think he is a terrific person. I've never felt this way about anyone. Not that I was going to drop the "Love" word anytime soon, in my heart that's how I felt. I've never felt so at ease and so happy to be with another guy. Just seeing him smile or hearing from me made me incredibly happy. When we were dating, he felt the same way. I guess some thing's just work out this way. I feel lucky just to have met someone like him because even though it didn't work, it's good to know there are nice, genuine honest guys out there. Thank's again for all your advice. I'm honestly crying my eyes out right now. I've been so lonely, and I thought thing's were looking up. I'm not going to go down that path of telling myself I did something wrong, or wondering what's wrong with me. I really do believe he was being honest which makes thing's so much better. But man, this is rough.
You pick yourself up off the ground and find another one damnit! But in the mean time remember how good you did feel and know that you will have that again.
well you have a really GREAT outlook and it's exactly where you need to be. i have been excited about some people and they were either lukewarm or just not responsive to me at all. i oftened wondered whyyyyyyyyy. whats wrong with me. did i do something wrong, maybe i wasn't good enough or attractive enough. however, i have gotten attention from really hot people so i had to get myself out of the dumps and say, "you know what, i was me, i was myself, i was being authentic to where i was and what i wanted from the situation, it may not have been a match for them. i am not going to spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, wondering why someone did not want me. i'm going to focus on me, and continue to improve things about me that i personally want to develop and improve. i'm a catch and will be perfect for the right person and they will be perfect for me." you have a great outlook, keep your head up soldier.
Thanks very much. Today has been mostly ok, and I am trying to not think about it. Fortunately I have so much stuff going on that I haven't had time to think much. Oh well, on to greener pastures right?? The funny thing is, as upset as I am, this guy was so great I can honestly say that I feel like I am a better person for having met him. He was a terrific person. Hopefully I can find another guy that is sweet, and nice and caring.
