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Tips when dating....here's what i have learned so far

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by insidehappy, Nov 29, 2011.

  1. insidehappy

    insidehappy Guest

    here are some things that i have finally accepted about dating that i thought could help others. im single so maybe i dont know much...lol. however, i think these things are true.

    1. Just because they are not interested anymore it doesn't mean you suck:
    have you been on a great date. things seemed to go right. you were really excited, you said you were going to go out again. the person you were with seemed excited too. everything seemed to click. however, when you tried to follow up or set up a second date or sending text messages, you get short responses or not response or the "hey things are kinda busy right now but we'll have to connect soon...". it leaves you feeling like, "ok what did i do wrong, maybe i was ugly, maybe the text message i sent ticked them off or annoyed them, maybe i blah blah blah blah.... " the point is, it has nothing to do with you. you were yourself. you were being YOU. you had a great time. You felt they did too but it did not work out. so cut the losses, cut the ties, do not text anymore, do not call and just accept that they may have had something else going on in their lives that made them not want to keep in communication with you. you are not a bad person, its' not your fault. it just did not work out. there is a better match for you. LET GO!!! letting go is hard but you have it because ITS OVER. if they call you back or ask to hang, you can determine if you want to do that, but do not actively pursue them anymore.

    2. Be upfront with what you want: if you want a friendship. say that. if you are ok with hooking up, let that be known, if you only want fun right now and dont want a relationshp, say that....whatever your interests are just make them clear from the get-go so you can avoid confusion later when you realize that you both dont share common goals for the situation.

    3. trust your gut: if you like someone you like them. its instant, you feel a connection, you're excited, you want to be around them. sometimes people will like you and you dont really like them but because you are single or lonely you figure, "ok, we'll maybe i will give this a try even though i'm not really feeling it or them". dont waste your time. you will only end up realizing later that you do not like them afterall. it will only make them angry or sad if they really really like you. this does not mean that you can't fall in love with someone over time because you can but if you know someone is really into you and you're just lukewarm or cold about them from the start, just let them know you just want to be friends but you are not interested in them for a relationship or dating. if they can handle that, then cool. if they can't then thats not your problem. you may find that you are starting to have feelings for the friend and if so that's great because they are not expecting that to happen anyway. but you shoudln't start off down a dating path with someone you're not realliy feeling.

    4. Settling...this is like #3. be careful not to do this. its so tempting but think about it, you waited this long for someone, why settle for someone you really are not into anyway. its like when you have been craving pizza and all the pizza places are closed adn you end up getting mcdonalds just because its the only thing open. you eat it and its like, "why did i even bother, its nasty, it made me fat, and i feel gross afterwards". just wait for what you want.

    5. Is he or isn't he gay: this is so hard because most gay men are attracted to masculinity which means that its really hard sometimes to know who is or isn't gay because if you're very masculine, it's harder for people to tell and sometimes impossible. when you find yourself crushing on a potentially straight person, just STOP. just put them in teh friend zone. UNLESS they are really actively pursuing you or flirting with you, do not start building up fantasies in your head. you can befriend guys you would like to date and that you do not know if they are gay or straight. sure by all means, make friends and maybe by hanging out, your gaydar may actually be right and things may develop but do not hope for this to happen. just be friends and if thigns are going to be, they will be. but do not get caught up in the is he gay or isn't he gay. its very disappointing each time it falls through and you realize "oh he's straight".

    6. Insecurities can Kill a relationship or one that is just starting to get going: if you are always wondering...does he like me, did i do this right, did i dress right, omg, does he think i'm hot.....these are insecurities and it will eventually drive the other guys away. gay or straight most people say the most attractive thing they seek in another person is CONFIDENCE. so if you lack confidence you are going to drive someone away or unfortunately link up with some sicko that gets off on dominating someone that lacks confidence.

    i hope this has helped.