anybody here that feels like they can't come out to their parents?

I felt the same way. I thought that my parents would totally freak out and maybe even stop talking to me for weeks but I was totally wrong thank god. So I think you should look at what you would never thing could happen. Like both of your parents already knowing and just waiting for you to tell them. Or for them to be super accepting. I think because you are 25 they will probably relize that your not making this up at all. I hope things go great for you. And we are here if you need anykind of help.

 

Yup, no way that I can tell my parents, especially since I'm not done with college yet and I still live with them. My father is a self righteous catholic and self righteous people are the worst to deal with. He believes that if a gay person were to try hard enough they can rid themselves of the feelings. I've specifically heard him say this and I've also heard him in conversation say with some friends that if he ever had any gay sons, he would not forgive them because he did not raise anyone in that immoral lifestyle. (granted I'm a girl but in my family, we seem to forget that lesbians exist too.) He also mentioned how much of a disgrace it is and how embarrassing it would be.

My mother would probably cry a lot and she would not disown me or anything drastic like that, but she would never speak to me the same way and would probably not even let me near my sisters for fear that my deviant behavior will corrupt them. (I've often heard this from her, how the gay media is corrupting young children)

 

I feel I can't come out to my Mum yet - it might freak her out a bit. I have the same sort of relationship with my Dad - not really share anything outside of safe, easy, "how was work" etc. Dad is a little homophobic...

Do your parents have anti-gay views? From the stories I've read on EC, a lot of the time parents can be surprisingly accepting (if after an adjustment period...)

 

My dad and your dad would get along great, I'm afraid to say. Also a Floridian Catholic originally, in fact. I wonder if thats a coincidence :dry:

 

My mom had a gay friend growing up. She was his Grace (Will and Grace). He died almost 15 years ago. Honestly, she was so close to him but I see my mom commenting on other gays and just wonder how she was that close to him. She's not saying anything negative perse, but she makes it her business to know who is gay and who isn't and talks about those people with everyone so I just don't trust her. I am in the same situation as you. I don't want to come out to her.

My dad and I don't have much of a relationship. Our conversations in a day go as far as "how was your day" and that's it. I feel like I barely know him and thus don't want to tell him either.

You're not alone here! Coming out to our families is the hardest thing to do.

 

I actually have a good relationship with my parents, they're usually very supportive, almost always there for me if I need them, and I usually feel like I can tell them anything.

Despite how solid our relationship is, I still can't come out to them. Perhaps it is because the relationship is so good that I fear I'll lose it but I just wanted to assure you that feeling like you can't come out to your parents is completely natural.

Do everything in your own time hop I helped!

 

Same here. My dad might take it better than my mom. She'll probably cry alot and blame him for 'encouraging' more tomboyish and stereotypical lesbian behavior. They might get used to the idea of a gay daughter, though. Just not a bi one. I think they think bisexuality dosen't exist. :icon_sad:

 

Mentally, whenever thinking about the issue, I hit a brick wall.

It's more like 'I don't have a boyfriend, and I don't even know any attractive gays, so why should I bother?' I could come out to them, although it would just cause unnecessary stress and stuff. My parents wouldn't kick me out of the house, although they could think of it negatively. I could be over-thinking things, but I think my uncle is gay, and they avoid discussing the topic. And they could end up being restrictive about stuff.

 

My situation's similar to yours. I hesitate to tell my parents because they have expressed sentiments that would suggest, at the very least, discomfort with sexual minorities. We have a good relationship, and they keep insisting that I can talk to them about anything that's troubling me, but there's this ever-present fear that my coming out will be the ultimate disappointment to them.

 

Exactly! I am pretty set on telling them before the year is out but I am so affraid to dissapoint them (though they say they'll never be dissapointed in me, I'm not sure if that applies to me telling them they don't have a son and daughter... they have two daughters. For some reason I feel like that might be outside what they are expecting me to use the "you can talk to us about anything" offer) anyway, I completely agree with what you said. Nail on the head really....

 

my parents think that gay people are some of the worst "abominations" on this planet. so yeah ... not telling them ever. not even when i move out, they dont deserve to get to know the real me.

 

Well... My mom's not exactly homophobic or anything, but she's always talking about when I'm going to have boyfriend or when I'm gonna get married or when I'm gonna have kids. It's lot of pressure to me. I don't know how she would feel if I came out. I'm scared, that's for sure. I've almost come out to her couple of times now, but when I try to tell her that I like other girls... I just can't get the words out of my mouth.


As for my father... He left me when I was five, so that's no problem.

 

I'm completely out to my father. He's been wonderfully supportive and adores my better half. My mother is another story. She's mormon and can be somewhat accepting of men having "same sex attraction" but lesbians are just confused, were mistreated by men, or (my personal favorite) just "can't get a man".
She's in willful denial and at this point I have no desire to correct her. Luckily I have my father whom I love and adore. I truly wish everyone could have at least one parent like him. It would make coming out so much easier.

 

Everyone's different, but while I wouldn't say my parents are overly supportive, they're certainly not unsupportive (I just don't ask their help on stuff like this). They just kinda don't let it creep into conversation, which is fiiiine by me.

 

My mom was totally supportive and accepting, although she does think it may just be a phase. My dad is a different story. We have a great relationship, but he is quite religious, and I think he just doesn't understand homosexual people. I've never heard him say anything terrible about them, but his attitude towards Adam Lambert, for example, gives me the idea that he wont be quite as accepting as my mom. The rest of my family are conservative Christians who believe that being gay is WRONG, and the same goes for most of my friends. When I think about all the arguments I've gotten into with them, while trying to defend gay rights... Wow. It's shocking that some people are so close minded.

 

Yep, I feel like I can't come out to them, not for fear they'll reject me, but because I find it so embarrassing. Part of the reason why I'm going to see a psychotherapist this Friday, to help me with that process.

 

If you KNOW ur parents wont accept it and even have the suspicion, then WAIT or DONT do it. ignorance might be a bliss on their side. Read my coming out disaster thread.

 

Yeah, I know how you guys feel. I have on facebook that I like both sexes, but I still don't think most of my family knows. I'm not sure how they would take it. Though honestly, I really don't care what most of my family would think about it because I don't really see/can't stand a lot of them. The only ones I'm really worried about are my dad, aunt, & cousin. Mostly my dad. Because he's Christian & think gays are evil & going to hell. I have to listen to his crazy freaking rants about them sometimes, which is really annoying and hurtful. Because he says that stuff, not even knowing that he's indirectly talking about me, that he indirectly hates me. I hate it. I want to tell him because I hate hiding things. And he's told me that I could tell him anything and that he'll never be disappointed in me, always love me, and all that jazz. But I don't think he'd react very well to me telling him that I'm pan. That'd prolly go badly...So I'm just not gonna tell him. At least, not until I move out and am fine on my own and all that.

Now, I don't know why I'm kinda worried about telling my aunt and cousin. They're not really religious and they don't mind gays. My aunt actually had a friend that was gay. So I don't think they'd have a problem with it at all. They might be a little shocked at first, because...I don't know, they just might XD But I think they'd be okay with it. But I still don't want to tell them. Maybe I'm not comfortable telling my family (except for my one cousin, I think he's the only one who actually knows - but he's like my best friend) because I'm like the only "gay" person in the family. On like both my parents' sides. The only gay person I've ever heard about is my cousin E. She's bi. So besides her, the family thinks that there's no gays in our family. So I feel kind of weird about coming out and proving them wrong. XD