**** I'm lost

You know I'm here and willing to (do my best to) help! =D

I'm sorry about how you feel =( I feel exactly the same...

 

Sorry to hear you're feeling down.

For what it's worth, I don't think you're the only one. Lots of people feel lost and have trouble getting a sense of themselves at one time or another. Queer people especially - trans, but also Ls, Bs, and Gs. The world doesn't tell us who we are so we have to make it up along the way, and sometimes that gets lonely.

(*hug*)

 

its alright Ive been feeling much the same lately. Especially in the past few weeks.

Unfortunately i have literally nothing to add that could be of any help.

Sorry. (*hug*)(*hug*)

 

well technically i have enough posts

i actually put in a request for Full Member a few days ago.

 

yeah, I feel like it took like 2 weeks for me to get a response to my full member request =/

If any admins are reading this, I feel they should stop whatever they are doing, and go approve FoxFire

 

It's okay to be down, it's bound to happen. Yesterday was a really hard day for me. I was pretty close to killing myself. But, lo' and behold, it's another day, and I survived. It's all going to be okay.

If you really want to dig in and figure out what you want to do about the dysphoria you are experiencing, you need to speak with a gender therapist. If nothing just to get it all out there, so you can look at it objectively and come to some serious decisions about what you want out of life.

No one but you can say if you are a girl or not. You have to look deep down inside yourself and decide, "would I be happier as a woman?" It is NOT an easy thing to come to terms with. There are some transwomen who go til their 40s and 50s before that answer finally becomes clear. Be patient with yourself and have faith in the discoveries you make. Things will get better.

 

*looks at FoxFire* *points above pony picture"

FoxFire11
Here be Dragons!
Full Member


Just saying and pointing it out

 

It is all too common for parents to be unsupportive of younger transwomen. My best piece of advice is to be assertive toward them. If you are wishy-washy about how you feel then they will be wishy-washy about the support they are willing to provide. You need to let them know that this is a real thing you are dealing with and that for sake of your health, happiness, and well-being you need treatment, which begins with professional therapy. If you don't have the resources to help yourself, you need to cultivate the confidence and self-esteem to look for assistance from others.

Keep in mind that the most expensive parts of transition (surgery) can often be put off until a later date. The important parts of transition are self-acceptance, and the ability to live life as the gender you are on the inside. How can you be expected to accept the person you are and come to terms with your gender or your life in general if you don't get an opportunity to discuss these things with a trained professional?

You don't have to feel like just because you are pursuing therapy, that you are at a point of no-return. If through the course of therapy you determine that in fact you are not transsexual but instead somewhere in-between or something different entirely, at least you will have attained some peace of mind and the ability to approach your life with confidence.

Of course, if you think that your parents are simply not going to support you in this, then you are going to have to just be patient and work hard in order to make it a reality on your own. Although I often have regrets for not coming clean with myself about these issues when I was younger because I could have started transition at a much younger age, I know that my parents would not have been supportive of this at all, and neither of them had the funds available back then to do anything about it even if they wanted to.

One of the biggest things other girls tell me about the transiiton process is that, if you learn anything, it is PATIENCE. It isn't going to happen over night, and there will be lots of ups and downs. Just stay focused, keep searching within yourself for the strength you need to keep going. Don't get hung up on "but what if I'm wrong," or "maybe I'm not" or "I'm not liek her, i must be just crazy," or "I can't afford it anyways." Those are excuses that will lead to regret later on in life. Like they say, "its better to regret something done, than to regret something left undone."

 

We are totally not alone, & neither are you. Ive connected with A LOT of trans women online, mostly on a certain social networking site that shall remain nameless, & come to realize there are a HUGE number of people that are just like me. And Ive also gotten an amazing amount of support from many of them as well.

Feeling lost is kind of part of the process of discovering yourself & finding out who & what you are. It sucks to go thru, but at the other end of it, you will hopefully find a bit of clarity. Having someone to talk to can help, which is great that you`ve found EC. If I can ever help, I certainly will try my best for you! (*hug*)

 

I think that you may need to do the hard thing and just be completely honest with them. It sounds like your folks really do care about you and want you to be happy.

I know it sounds really difficult, I mean I havent even told my folks yet, but if you really want to get something done you should just go to them and say, "I think I may be transsexual and I need to see a therpist to decide what I should do."

There you go. Cut-and-dry.

In regards to you being distant or rude to your folks when you're around your place, I'm not sure what's going on there. Maybe just teenage angst. But either way, if you want/need their support right now then you need to mature up a bit and stop moping around. Prove to them that you are a strong, mature, and intelligent person and that you care about them. They are the last people you want to be pushing away right now.

**edit
Also, in regards to you not seeing your "self" or being "lost." This is common for everyone. The Buddha states that there is no "self" which is why it is so elusive and impossible to define. Stop trying to find your "self" and instead focus on finding what makes you happy.

 

I'm not sure if I'm much help on this as I'm completely independent (should be at my age). I also have enough to occupy myself with every day that I don't get the time to sit down and be depressed.

Maybe I'm an optimist, but I try to make the best out of the situation I'm in, and try to figure out how to make my future outlook better. Life's too short to waste. My life is my own and I have only one opportunity to make it enjoyable. No one else will do it for me. So if people make my life miserable, then fuck them. I don't need them.

My only goal in life is to make my own life enjoyable and help others do the same.

So yeah, that's what I do. Sometimes it takes some effort, but it does work

 

You really sound like you could benefit from therapy or counseling of some sort and that's not at all a bad thing, it's just that it can help a people deal with those things. But it also sounds like you need to tell you're parents if you want to have a chance at getting therapy.

There doesn't seem to be an easy way around that unless you already plan to somehow immediatly be self sufficient and live on your own. It's scary to think about telling the ones you love about these sorts of things I know but right now it doesn't seem like you can get therapy without telling your parents. So is keeping this a secret worth not having the possibility of getting help? It sounds like something needs to change for you.

It's not easy telling someone or talking to someone about something they may be uncomfortable/unreceptive about, but it may also be absolutely necessary. There's times when people need to try to strongly advocate for themselves (whether or not they fail or think they'll fail) and for you, this seems like one of those times.

 

I agree with person54. I don't think you really have any other option but to tell your parents how you feel.