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When did you know?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ChutneyFarmer, Nov 30, 2011.

  1. ChutneyFarmer

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    Hey guys,
    I was just wondering when you all knew you were gay. Maybe you could reply with something like -
    • When you started to question your sexuality
    • When you knew you were definitely gay (or lesbian or bi)
    • If transgender, transvestite or transsexual, when you knew you identified with the opposite sex.
    Thanks!
     
  2. Doctor Faustus

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    Hi there, welcome to EC.

    I first knew I had what we might call homosexual feelings when I was 9 or 10 . I remember putting my hand against a boy's chest in the changing rooms one day, and even confessing to my mum that I had a crush on said boy. We both fobbed it off: this was normal, it was a phase, it would go away.

    Of course, it didn't. Those feelings resurfaced when I was about 11 and into my teenage years. Apparently everyone knew at my school, but no one talked to me in a grown-up way about it - at least no one did until I actually came out to people later. I went to a single-sex boys' school, filled with testosterone and arrogance, where homophobia was implicitly tolerated and homosexuality stigmatised: "Three Yakults a day keep me gay". Writing that slur, which came from my first year in secondary school (what we would call here Year 7), brings a lump to my throat. Those are times I'd rather forget... or acknowledge, draw a line under and then forget.

    I decided to have a mature discussion with myself, in my head, about my sexuality when I was 17. I've only started coming out to various people in the past 18-20 months. I used to say I was bisexual, but I suppose that was to make the process for me a little less traumatic. I know that bisexuals do exist... but I'm probably not one of them, needless to say! Now I just say "I'm not straight". :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Very recently, I came out to my neighbour in campus halls. He was very much okay with it. University really is a world away from school.

    Hope this helps. Feel free to write to me if you want to talk.

    Best,

    Doctor Faustus.
     
  3. DJNay

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    i was about 12, and thought about how it would be having this girl in y class as my girlfriend, the thought of being with boys hadnt even crosssed my mind before then... and it made me take a step back and go "does this mean Im gay?" that was kinda the turning point for me, before then i just considered myself a tomboy/cross-dresser, when i was about 5 i put on my brothers underwear and totally wanted to be a boy, that feeling hasnt changed.
     
    #3 DJNay, Nov 30, 2011
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  4. Fiddledeedee

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    I began to question in May this year, aged 14. I knew by later that month that I was bi, and came out to my brother. I'm still not completely sure of my gender identity, but began to question that perhaps at the beginning of this month.
     
  5. pigfartsisreal

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    When I actually thought "I'm not totally straight" was, really, about 3 months ago. As I thought it through I realized I was pretty much head-over-heels in love with my (now ex) best friend and that it's not the end of the world. I came out to my current best friend last week!
     
  6. BenIsScared

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    I remember when I was 7, I was sitting with this girl on the playground, talking about how cute this boy was. I remember saying "well I'm a boy. But if I was a girl, I would want to date him" It had never crossed my mind that boys can date boys! Haha.

    I didn't really think of it as me being gay until I was about 14 or 15. I just thought (or hoped) it was a phase. I only said the words "I'm gay" shortly after I turned 17!

    I've been pretty slow at it all. I'm still not COMPLETELY sure that I'm gay. But I'm like 95% sure.

    Best of luck to you!!
     
  7. Samadhi

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    I've had lots of little clues and events that I wasn't quite straight all through my life, but they were mostly subtle enough to sow more doubt than clear things up. I did have one moment at a sleep-over with a male friend when I was 11 or 12, that went from silly games to nearly cuddling naked. That probably was the biggest clue for me, as it didn't feel wrong (it felt quite nice - emotionally, too!)

    When I knew I was something other than entirely straight? When there was a cute guy that both myself and one of my female friends had a crush on - and to lay claim to 'first dibs', I came out to her :grin: Unfortunately, he turned out straight (though he did comment that a lot of people think he's bi), so she got her chance after all. :eusa_doh:
     
  8. Mimerio

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    As I have mentioned in my blog

    I began questioning at 10 - 11 years old
    and confirmed at 13

    Welcome to EC by the way :slight_smile:
     
  9. Sartoris

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    Short answer: I've only really begun to question myself within the last year or two.

    However, I guess that might be somewhat simplified as my curiosity and thoughts had been developing over the last several, it's just until relatively recently I actually considered being anything other than straight. I think the delay may've been due to the fact that my curiosity about other men was mainly a private thing, that I didn't feel especially attracted to anyone physically and emotionally [don't think I was really close to anyone, even the few friends I had but just the same, I think I may be demisexual,] and that I simply had never considered any other possibility than with being with a woman. I think prior to this year, I must've entertained the thought of being bisexual which, looking back, perhaps felt like a 'compromise' and thus further put off actually questioning myself. At this point, I feel fairly confident in identifying as gay but BenIsScared, I don't feel entirely sure just because I still get flashes of doubt and insecurity for a number of reasons [not least of which is lack of experience and having no 'signs', for the most part, until within the last several years.]

    Anyway, long story short it's just been a long, gradual process. :grin:
     
  10. littledolphin

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    Started to question I was 14 but I think I always kinda knew. Like, when I was a little girl, my barbies were kissing each other and Ken was somewhere else. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  11. jimL

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    I was about 11 when I knew that something was different, but not sure what it meant. By the time I was 13 I was fully aware that I was attracted to guys. The interesting thing is that I was never attracted to women and that's not to say that I don't know what a hot girl looks like. I never questioned the fact that I was gay, I just couldn't live that life....because of church and family. I'm so glad society has changed, it's not great, just better. It will always be more difficult for special people like us.
     
    #11 jimL, Nov 30, 2011
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  12. chrism29

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    started to question about 12-13 years old and confirmed around 16 years old.
     
  13. Mlpguy88

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    After my first sex dream at 12, I kind of knew but never admitted it to my self. I spent a very, very long time trying to convince myself otherwise, 8 years in fact, I didn't accept it until six months ago. I guess for some people it takes a little longer, so don't feel discouraged. Take all the time you need to figure this out until you know for sure.
     
  14. Vesper

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    I began questioning either late last year or early this year, but there were clues going back to when I was seven or eight years old. It's hard to say when I "knew" for sure; I've always had some doubt in my mind, but less as time goes on.
     
  15. xXPsychedelicXx

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    Started questioning myself earlier this year. Haven't exactly "confirmed" my bisexuality yet, but I'm about 85% sure at this point. I've been allowing myself to notice cute girls when they walk by, and you know something? I feel FABULOUS. :wink:
     
  16. DefineNormal

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    Started questioning at around 12 years old. At that point I think I knew that I was gay, but ignored it until about a week before my 15 birthday- at which point I finally accepted it :grin:
     
  17. IanGallagher

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    Questioning... when I was sixteen and heard Collin Farrell in an interview mention that Alexander the Great was bisexual and everyone was somewhat bi. First I heard there was such a thing as being "between" straight and gay. I had crushes on guys and thought some guys were cute, but next thing I knew I saw a girl who blew my mind and just shrugged it off. Thought it was something that would go away. Plus, small town - only LGBT I saw were overly flamboyant guys. This may sound homophobic but, I thought all gay guys were like that and I knew I could never be like them.

    At 21 years old, I realized I was bisexual although with a leaning more towards girls. It wasn't something that was going to go away any time soon. I came out when I was 23 after living in LA and saw straight-acting LGBT characters on TV shows overseas that struck a chord ('Shameless').

    Basically...

    7 - first crush on a guy
    16 - first time thinking something could be different
    21 - starting of acceptance
    23 - coming out
     
    #17 IanGallagher, Nov 30, 2011
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  18. DhammaGamer

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    I used to wish I was a girl when I was very young, like 5 or 6, and it became kind of an obsession when I was like 10-12. My father did not approve of me acting girly though, so I repressed those feelings very quickly. I started being interested in sex with boys when I started going through puberty around 15 or 16. I strictly dated girls though and considered myself straight for many years, constantly making excuses for why I watch gay or tran porn.

    I had sex with a guy for the first and only time 4 years ago. It was a one night stand but it was still amazing. I chalked it up to being kind of a kink and thoguht it was a one time thing. I ended up meeting my exgirlfriend and we dated exclusively for 3.5 years. 2 months ago I broke up with her stating that I am gay, then a week later confessed that I am transsexual and am going to pursue transition.

    Most everyone in my life knows I like boys, almost no one knows I'm a girl. They'll know soon though :slight_smile:
     
  19. needshelp

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    well, long story but it has to be told.

    i guess it's safe to say that i knew that i had something for guys as a kid. i kind of was exploring my sexuality at an early age since i started to have what you could say were affectionate and sexual feelings in the single digits. eventually and surely, the attractions started to come up, i started flirting with girls and all but then i started to develop feelings for guys. you know, it just started naturally. i didn't know that it might mean that i was gay but being a kid and all, it felt good and it kept on happening. see a guy here or there that was good looking or whatever=guy crush. i also started masturbating and i was jerking off to guys and girls. i knew what gay was but i didn't think i was gay even though all signs pointed that way.

    it all dawned on me when i was 12 when i was jerking off to some guys in a video game magazine that i might be gay. that was when i went into denial mode. i pretty much went on a mission to correct myself for about 12 years despite the urges that were there intensifying to the point where i couldn't control it. i told myself i was straight, convinced myself that i was, even though i was confused and unsure of myself that whole time. i guess after realizing that whatever i was doing wasn't really working, i wasn't being true to myself, and was only digging a hole for myself, i started to really look at myself. all these years i was afraid to basically confront that question, "am i gay? and if i was, then what?" while i was in my denial period, i became a big homophobe and i eventually started to open my mind up realizing that being a homophobe made no sense. at the same time, that helped break down the wall i put up on myself out of fear when i was 12. at 24, with the help of members from this site, i realized that i was indeed gay and was living a lie. nowadays, i'm trying to accept who i am. it's been difficult but i'm getting there. i feel a bit more confident though unlike last year around this time when i wasn't sure of where i was. so you can say 12, i questioned myself. 24 was when it all made sense.
     
    #19 needshelp, Nov 30, 2011
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  20. unknown12

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    When I was 12 I watched "the little vampire" on Disney and for some reason the vampire made me feel weird. I watched the movie over and over just so i could see the vampire. And then I was 15 or something, "the thirteenth year" came one Disney too. For some reason when ever the guy was without a shirt it made my heart stop. And the fact that i only looked at straight dirty pictures for a week then switched to gay and never looked at straight dirty pictures. Almost a decade later, I am confronting it and now trying to accept it.