Is this an inappropriate topic? Am I going too far into religion? I apologize if so, and I'll take it down ASAP. My first time really posting.. I feel like I'm doing it wrong. x) My family was christian, practically living at the church, involved in everything, etc. My brother died in 2008 and dominoes fell. We stopped going to church, moved, and now my mom's business is picking up and we don't even have time for church anymore. I think since my parents were raised in religious homes they don't want to outright say they don't believe anymore, but my brother really ruined their faith. I know I don't believe anymore. It all looks like total bull! Why would a God who loves me make me an abomination in his eyes? It's still horrifying to think if there *is* a God.. I'd go to hell. One minute I think I can come out to them, the next I'm shaking, almost crying with anxiety. What if they don't take it like I think and never look at me the same way? Or the dreaded "it's just a phase"? I think I'm going to wait to come out until at least Coming Out day next year, but I want some years on my claim when I tell them so it's not a phase, but at the same time we're extremely close and I feel like I'm being deceitful in not telling them. My older brother is bisexual. What if they think I'm copying him? He's been generally ostracized in my family. I'm only fourteen.. I couldn't deal with that for the rest of my time in the house.
Wow this sounds like a tough spot to be in. There is a lot going on in your family that makes it more difficult to understand how your parents might react. There is a lot of tough emotional baggage tied up with coming out to our parents. I know my parents will come around, but I cannot help but worry that they will always hold this against me just a little. And this is when I am completely independent from them so. Because you are so young, and thus you are not independent from your parents, I am loathe to recommend so quickly that you come you. I am trying to understand how your brother's bisexuality relates to this. Does he have a different relationship to your parents than you do? Did they explicitly ostracize him from the family. How is your relationship with him? Could you talk to him about it? Despite what you are struggling with now, I think it is a testament to your self knowledge that you are already considering coming out to your parents. Despite the fact that at your age I had a pretty strong inkling I was gay, I hid it from others and denied it to myself, and it took me a decade to accept it. So, while the work you have left is no doubt difficult, I think you have taken the hardest step, which is admitting it to yourself an sharing it with someone else.
I just read your post, and my first thought was this: your situation is very much like the one I went and am going through. I would like to say that the Bible says was written after Jesus died, so it was written by man...and the content of the bible is open for interpretation: yes, there is text that implies that God doesn't accept lgbtq people as they are. But how you choose to interpret those words is entirely up to you. I myself used to believe that I was inevitably going to hell because I'm bisexual, but then I went to a soaking prayer at a local church. The belief that I would be condemned for being me hurt me a lot, but when I spoke to God about it, I was told that if being gay wasn't okay in his eyes, then I wouldn't have been born this way. Because of that experience, I know that God isn't going to reject you or me because we happen to be gay. Some Christians have chosen to interpret the words in the bible as gays need to be 'cured', but I don't believe that's how the bible was supposed to be interpreted. There's nothing wrong with being yourself, no matter what anyone tells you, you are you and in God's eyes you are perfect just the way you are. God doesn't hate you, or think of you as an abomination. God cares about you because you are you, I cannot stress that enough. You mentioned that your parents may not react well. Why is that? It might be best, if you can wait that long, to wait until you are independent before coming out to them if you don't feel they would accept you after coming out. If they assume you're just copying your older brother, then calmly but assertively tell them otherwise: being gay isn't about copying other people, either you are gay or you are not, you cannot suddenly wake up and turn gay someday. I hope this helps, and sorry if the religious tangent steps on anyone's toes. I am 100% there for you if you need to talk further, and sending hugs your way. Hope everything works for you, I really do.
Wow, this does sound very difficult for 14 (well, for living at home at any age, really). First, though...your brother didn't ruin your parents' faith. Faith comes from inside. If their faith (or yours) is currently being challenged, because of this recent event, that is completely understandable. But it is *their* faith that's been shaken, and if they are to regain it, that will come from them as well. The same holds for you as well. But the existence of a god does not imply that that god considers you an abomination...consider well the contradiction you yourself point out, and then consider how it can be resolved. I wouldn't worry about sounding like you're copying your brother...I mean, what would be your incentive in doing so...it's not like things are wonderful for him, right? Instead, I would urge you to focus on remaining true to yourself. And family ostracizations can be temporary as well. My uncle and aunt flipped out when my cousin divorced his first wife (yes, divorce was that big a deal to them)...wouldn't speak to him for over a year...but this did change, slowly. And then when his sister divorced a couple years later, they did the same to her...but came to accept her much more quickly...each time it's easier. Not exactly the same thing as coming out, but the principle can still apply. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your parents, so that makes it more likely that they'll ultimately be ok, though it may be rough at first. And hey, if they pull the "phase" thing on you, roll with that...if it helps them to think that, so be it. As it becomes a "very long phase", and then a life-long phase, they'll get their heads around the truth of it eventually. Good luck to you.
