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Idk if she really is straight or if I wish she wasnt

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by xxilymlsxx, Dec 1, 2011.

  1. xxilymlsxx

    xxilymlsxx Guest

    Hi, guys, I'm new.
    I have a very, very big crush on a girl I met earlyer this year during play rehearsal. I'll call her B.
    B is amazing and beautiful. We just clicked one day during rehearsal. She is always smiling at me and she is kinda touchy. I catch her staring at me alot and we have a crazy amount in common.
    I'm good friends with one of my ex boyfriends who still likes me and he was threatened enough to ask her if we were going out. When my ex asked her she said She was straight. Whenever she says it she makes sure people hear it. But then she looks at me and smiles. When we talk about my ex she seems unhappy.

    I'm really into this girl. B has become such a good friend, we talk all the time now too. I dont want to ruin it by telling her I like her and her be straight. Idk if I am just reading to much into it or if maybe she isnt straight.:confused: . What do you think? Does B like me or am I just imagining it?
    Or, just what should I do in general?
    Thanks so much - you guys are awesome.
     
  2. Marlowe

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    Part of me thinks that she is gay based upon your description especially the idea that she wants people to know that she is straight. Then again all of this comes through your eyes and I think it is fair to say that your perception is skewed by your hope that she is in fact attracted to girls on some level. The reality is that you don't know but based upon the first issue, it seems that even if she is into girls she is not totally comfortable with this. So she may like you, but she also might not be ready to come out. From my personal experience I don't shouldn't push the issue with her if this is the case. As tempting as it may be from your perspective, I don't think it is your place to push her out the closet. That being said, if you are firmly convinced that she is in the closet, get to know her better and try to give her openings to talk about sexuality. The truth is that there is no way to really tell without directly telling her your suspicions. I would argue against this, but perhaps others might disagree.

    On the other hand you can be honest about your feelings. I have seen as many stories where this works out well as I have where it doesn't so this largely is about evaluating the specific situation. You could tell her, "Look I know you are straight, but I really need to share with you that I think we click really well and that I have a crush on you."

    Best of luck, and finally try not to get too obsessed. I have spent way too much time hoping that guys were gay and I find that while hope springs eternal, it is often empty hope. Wow that was a downer, so I'll end on the note. Regardless of if she is gay or straight, you are lucky to have such a fruitful and wonderful friendship.
     
  3. Cymbrii

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    One option that comes to mind to me is you could simply tell her you're bi, if you feel she's trustworthy and feel comfortable coming out to her, and leave out the part about the crush. That way, she might feel more comfortable being honest with you if she IS gay. If nothing else you could gauge her reaction to hearing about your sexuality. Keep in mind though there's no guarantee you'd find anything about her that way; the only way to really know for sure is to just tell her outright you have a crush on her, and Marlowe's advice looks spot on as far as that's concerned. Good luck!
     
  4. Homo Novus

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    You know what? Everyone's straight, until they're not. What I mean by that is, even if right now she THINKS she's straight... doesn't mean she won't come to realize she's not. I'm NOT saying that you should try and push her in either direction, nor am I implying that she will ever dig girls, HOWEVER, if I were you, I would be super open about myself (don't flaunt the fact that you like girls, but don't hide it by any means, either), and just continue being as close to her as you can. She may develop feelings for you, even if she does identify as straight at the moment. I kid you not, that's how I came out. So for now... be her friend. Be open, be open-minded, don't push her, and let her come to you, if she decides to do so. :slight_smile: All the best!