1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Best Friend... We're both gay...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by freakoffashion01, May 27, 2006.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. freakoffashion01

    freakoffashion01
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2005
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Al, CA
    Okay... I'll get right to the point. My best friend is gay and I'm gay. We started talking about six months ago and slowly we became best friends.
    Now we talk about everything... from interests to whatever and stuff about sex (preferences and the likes). ONe of the first things we started talking about was our "type" of guys. I'm Hispanic and he's full on white and he said that he only likes white guys. That didn't bother me at all then, but about a month and a half ago I realized that I was starting to like him and ever since then it just keeps going.
    What adds to this is that we are always haging out together and everybody at our work (we work in the same place) think we are dating (we are both open about our homosexuality). One of my friends there and i were talking and he asked me if we were dating and I said no (we weren't). Then we started talking more about "gay" stuff (he's straight). He mentioned that we are always together, we have many of the same interests and he could see us being a couple. I kind of brushed all this aside because I don't want anyone to know that I like my best friend (nobody knows yet).
    The next time I saw my staight friend, he told me how he was talking with my gay best friend and that he mentioned to him the same things that he mentioned to me. He then told me that my best friend said that he never saw me "like that" and that I wasn't his type (which I alreeady knew)..and this was just this past week...

    So has this ever happened to anyone? How should I deal with it? Should I tell him how I feel (and I know that he doesn't feel the same, I'm not trying to change his views or anything though I wish I could)? I just wanted to do something so that it doesn't eat away at me....

    So yeah that's my story.....

    Happy Memorial Day
     
    #1 freakoffashion01, May 27, 2006
  2. TriBi

    TriBi
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2004
    Messages:
    1,911
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    DownUnder
    I dunno...

    This is a hard one...

    Very difficult to post anything helpful without knowing much more about the dynamics of your relationship.

    All I can really suggest is that you "hang in there" as a friend and perhaps he will "see what he is missing"...at the same time, be prepared to be disappointed if nothing happens.

    Good luck!
     
    #2 TriBi, May 28, 2006
  3. Proud1p4

    Proud1p4 Guest

    What is meant to be will be. All you have do to is be patient, go on like you normally would and let fate take its course. The Forces That Be will decide the outcome soon enough. On the other hand, if you're not a patient person i say just go for it...wait til' te time feels right and casually probe him for a little more info:

    "hey <insertnamehere> would you ever consider going out with a man of color" etc.

    just try and sneek in questions like that if you'd prefer not to idle.
     
    #3 Proud1p4, May 28, 2006
  4. chrisg

    chrisg
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2006
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yeah, sometimes the Forces that Be can be a little sluggish...must be the heavy workload they have :wink:. Anyway, maybe a good thing to do would just be to tell him how you feel--you know, have an honest conversation. It could work wonders.
     
    #4 chrisg, May 28, 2006
  5. joeyconnick

    joeyconnick Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2005
    Messages:
    3,069
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, ON
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Uhm... I don't think the original poster should have to make the issue about his skin colour. He could just ask "Would you ever consider going out with me?" It would be really demeaning for him to have to ask it like that.

    I know I would never consider asking a guy if he would consider going out with a white guy like my being white was some kind of drawback or hurdle--I suspect few white people would. So why should someone who isn't white?
     
    #5 joeyconnick, May 30, 2006
  6. joeyconnick

    joeyconnick Guest

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2005
    Messages:
    3,069
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, ON
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I would go with this approach if it's bugging you. Sometimes it's difficult not to expect something when you make that kind of revelation but I can understanding feeling the need to get it off your chest. The trick, to my mind, would be to let him know but then not let that make your friendship awkward. That's probably not easy but I think it's possible.

    Everyone does have their preferences with regards to a variety of physical attributes; I think it can get kinda dodgy with race/ethnicity--like if someone says they would ONLY date _insert-colour-here_ guys or they would NEVER date _insert-colour-here_ guys--but hopefully most people are more like "I prefer this or that but am open to different things." That being said, sometimes you end up with friends you're into who just aren't into you the same way back. It sucks. It really, really sucks. But the less you can beat yourself up over it, the better. Not easy either, I know, but worth striving for.
     
    #6 joeyconnick, May 30, 2006
  7. hawkeye685

    hawkeye685 Guest

    I say, u just go for it with him and see what he does. If u realy like him, he can only say no and what will u feel like if he goes away and u never have told him. U will be gutted. So tell him and just see what he says.
     
    #7 hawkeye685, Jan 6, 2008
  8. Tzeii

    Tzeii
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2008
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    yes
     
    #8 Tzeii, Jan 6, 2008
  9. Alex89

    Alex89
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2007
    Messages:
    63
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Brisbane, Australia
    Uh, you guys realize this thread is 1.5 years old? I'm sure it's been sorted by now...
     
    #9 Alex89, Jan 7, 2008
  10. Paul_UK

    Paul_UK Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    6,885
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Well spotted! I'll close it.
     
    #10 Paul_UK, Jan 8, 2008
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.