How do I come out?

Your situation is unlikely to magically improve by waiting, and it sounds like you are ready to come out to your parents: you are happy with yourself, others know, and you want to. it is almost always a great relief to tell your parents, and bad reactions are less common than you might think. Personally, I felt somewhat numb after telling Mum and my emotions were mixed, but now I feel normal and do not have to hide a great secret. I'm glad that I told her this October gone.

Choose a time that is not stressful or busy, one where your parents aren't under pressure to get anything done (so probably not a couple days before Christmas). If you think it would help you, try calling a friend just before you come out to give you courage to do it. Then it really is as simple as sitting down, getting your parents' attention, and saying that you are gay. Try not to beat around the bush, and make sure that you are clear that you are serious. I prefaced telling my mother with asking her if she would always love me and if she would be angry at me for something that I couldn't help; this helped me be sure that she would accept me.

If it's too hard for you to say, then you can write down what you want to say. Your letter could be a couple of sentances or several paragraphs, but keep it to the point. There are some example letters on this site, and I can post mine as well if you want (my mother is religious and does not believe in gay marriage, etc.), though I did not end up using it.

Make yourself open for discussion with your parents and be ready to answer questions that they might have – things like how/when did you know, do you have a boyfriend, who have you told, and so on. Good communication is very important for helping your parents to understand your sexuality, and emphasise that you are telling them because you love them and want a good relationship. As time passes, show them that you are no different to before or even that you are happier that they know.

Don't expect that your mum and dad will be totally supportive right away, but don't act as if you expect them to be angry either. After you tell them, give them time to get used to the idea, weeks rather than days. It probably took you time to accept yourself, and they have to go through a similar process. If you feel it would help them, you can download the PFLAG booklet "Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual People" and possibly the one on religion as well; these are both free and available online to print off.

Good luck, and keep us posted on how it goes!

 

I guess I'd have to know more about your situation. How old you are, how close you are to your family, all of that. My suggestions would be hinged on those factors.

Lex

 

Yeah, I know what you mean, Cool. My dad's side of the family is really religious. My mum's side isn't, but I still think a lot of them don't particularly like gays, except for my one cousin cuz she's bi. But I don't think a lot of the family knows about her. XD

But anyway, I know how that is. Because I live with my dad, though hopefully soon I'll be moving out. And I just really want to tell him, like I don't even want to wait til I move out. I'm sick of hiding it anymore, I just want to be out. But I'm scared and worried if I even should, because he's really religious and homophobic. It's making me depressed too because I want to come out to my dad, and not have to hide it anymore. But it's also making me depressed because I'm worried about what his reaction might be.

But yeah, this isn't really any advice... XD Sorry about that lol I guess I just wanted to let you know that you're definitely not alone on this one. ^_^

 

If there's a chance they'll cut you off financially, I would wait until you're stable on your own, as hard as it is. I know it'll suck, but it's just a couple more weeks :< Good luck!

 

Like Cymbrii wrote, if your parents are unsympathetic it's best to wait until you're financially independent. I know it may be frustrating to wait but it's empowering to take control of your life.