I started a new job and I'm about 5 months in. It's a job to get by so it is nothing serious until I get a new job. Things are good but this past week was just horrible on many different levels. One of them being discriminated against or whatever it was. I'm a pretty nonchalant guy. A lot of things said to me either fly over my head or I don't take to heart. This one incident I don't know how to deal with because I have never HAD to deal with it. I'm at work and I'm on stocking duty. A guy who I got to know as more of a co-worker than a friend, was in the stocking room with me at the time. He was talking nonsense so I wasen't really paying attention until the first sentence. I don't know how we got on the conversation but here is a little on how it went. Him "I'm more interested in beaver if you know what I mean." Me "heh, yeahhhhhhhhhh" (sarcastic tone) Him "What? You don't like beaver? (Makes a comment about shaved vagina)" -----By this time I was thinking to myself not to push it, It isn't work friendly banter and should just be killed right then and there....but I admit it was my mistake to keep this going on. I thought 2 co-workers isolated in one room just talking...what could go wrong. Me "Nah I'm not intrested in beavers, I'm more into snakes" See this is the part in where I feel I blacked out. I don't remember EXACTLY how he took it and As much as I try to remember I CAN'T. I'm pretty sure he went: Him: EWWWWWWWWW Me: (Brushing it off) Yeahhhhhhhh? Him: So you're one of them Fags? (OR So your a Fag?) This is the part that I'm not sure of I don't remember him saying this but I know my reaction to his response was surprise and shock that he would have the nerve to speak like that knowing the company that he worked for. Me: Yeah I'm gay. Him: You know it's wrong. And I can prove it. Me: What?! Him: Yeah the bible proves it wrong At this point I am very glad I am at the point where this doesn't bother me but instead I had to give one of those "ME: :rolle: here we go again." thoughts and I knew where this conversation was going before it ended. I was also screaming to myself that this conversation needs to STOP! But I was intreauged so I kept feeding him. Him: There is that passage...hmmmm... he who lies with....oh what was it... He who lies with a woma- Me: If your going to quote liviticus you better quote it all and take it to heart because that's BS man. Him: (Insert dumbass quote here) We keep talking, there is no tension in the room, I am Angry Calm and I decide to end the conversation then and there with. Me: Ok but I am Atheist and that is not my religion. Him: ATHEIST?! You can't be atheist, Atheism doesn't exist! Me: ("This mother fucker" ghetto black gurl talking in my head*) Yes it does. I'm Athiest. Him: Tell me when you wake up in the morning and you get in the car do you have faith that the car is going to start? Me: What? no its not about faith....What? By this point he was full blown WBC logic and I knew there was no reasoning or logic taking place in the conversation. I let him babble while I thought to myself and picked up items i needed to stock with. He finished and we got on another subject. After we got done talking I told him. Me: _____ you'll never talk to me about about that subject again. He didn't know what I was talking about. Named all other subjects instead of the most offensive one. I told him flat out. Me: The subject about me being gay. You never talk to me about it again. Again I was Angry Calm. I finished my stock but he was gone before that and I saw him walking out and never saw him again that night. I really don't know If I should talk to a manager about this. I don't know how it would effect my job because as little as it pays it is my only source of income. Has anyone ever dealt with this at the work place? What did you do? What was the result? I had this kind of happen to me once or twice but NEVER at work and I NEVER thought it would happen with this company either. I'm not mad or sad I'm more disappointed that a guy like this who I thought was a cool nerdy dude turned out to be the complete opposite.
I've never been in a similar situation, so I'm afraid any advice I give is not based on experience, but I'll give it a go... You seemed to insinuate that the company you work for is a diverse place, or is at least tolerant of diversity. Is this the case? Have they discussed workplace discrimination with employees in the past, or do you know of anyone who has brought an issue to management before? If they are as open as they seem in your post, I wouldn't worry about their reaction. While we all have to cope with those who think being gay is a sin, you shouldn't have to put up with some one calling you "faggot". Do you want the guy to receive a reprimand, or if things are well in the future would you prefer to just let it go? If I were in your situation, I might wait to see how he acts in the future before I decide how to approach the situation; or, if I were on good terms with the boss, I might share the conversation with them, but make it clear that if nothing happens in the future, you would be okay letting it go (if that is actually the case). Whatever you decide, I'm sorry you had to put up with that at work. Let us know how the situation turns out!
I couldn't really offer any more advice other than what thereshewas has said, except that I think you should know what formal procedures are in place to deal with discrimination at work, so if you feel that you're forced to go down that route now or in the future, you know what to do. Yeah, let us know how things pan out for you! Best, Dr. F.
Super lame, and I don't think you did anything wrong by expressing what you did. He brought up the subject of sexual orientation, if he didn't want to hear about it from someone else he should have kept his mouth shut. As far as workplace issues - employee protection varies depending on location, but if you're in a place where you are protected from workplace discrimination, then you have nothing to worry about (he's the one who should worry, since as thereshewas noted, he was being very harassing about this whole thing). If, on the other hand, you're not in a place where your're protected from workplace discrimination, that's a separate story, but it still depends on what your boss/supervisor has to say about the issue, which, again, as you seem to imply, will be fairly tolerant/accepting. Let us know if the latter is the case though, and I'll see what I can find.
I know how you feel here. I'm a construction worker and I have guys give me shit about being gay all the time. Its like you have known them for along time and they are great to work with but as soon as they find out that you are gay they start hating you for some stupid reason. Here is what I have started to do. Ask them what they thought of me before they found out I was gay. Most of the time they tell me that they thought I was a great guy to work and and a very hard worker. When they tell me that I ask them. Have I changed my work or how hard I work? Again most of they time they say no. That is when I look at them and say well why do you have it out for me then? They never have anything to say to that. So this is what I say to you. Ask him what he thought of you before you came out to him. I have a feeling he will say that you area a good guy to work with. So then ask him why is he being an ass. And Let me ask you are there to make friend or make money. Its sad but true. If you are not looking at this job as a long term thing then dont worry so much about the guy. He is an ass and he probably wont change. I hope things do get better at work for you though. Best of luck.
I don't want to go through the paper work or put more pressure on the managers than I have already put on them (this past week was horrible for my record card) but I just need to tell someone that this has happened in case it happens again or to someone else. I stood my ground and let him know that he is never to talk to me about his views again and for the moment no I don't see this as a long term job but I do see it as a good job recommendation. I was thinking of speaking with one of the only people that really has confirmation on my sexuality who isn't a manager but is a shift leader and he is also gay and helps out at the GLBT community center. Hopefully if he is there tomorrow/today. Needless to say if he ever brings up my sexuality in his skewed logic I'm charging full force on him and telling the more than willing to be pissed off gay co-workers who it is we work with and who it is our company is hiring. Thanks i'll keep you guys updated
UPDATE I was at work yesterday and I clocked out and went straight to the manager's office. The manager I wanted to talk to wsen't there but I just needed to tell someone so I took the first manager that was in the office and told her in private. She was very kind and very disturbed about my story and was tearing up when she was explaining that it wasn't okay for this to happen. I told her I really didn't want to take this as far as just telling her and letting her know. She implored and convinced me to report it. She changed my mind and a lot of the things she said make sense. I wouldn't want anyone else to be effected by this individual like I was and that conversation was not Okay or fair to me. So he is reported, HR is now in control and will be wanting to speak to both him and I. I'm nervous but after really thinking about it and as scary as it may seems I can't help but think I did the right thing for myself and for my co-workers.
I think you did the right thing. It's a step in the right direction. At least the woman you spoke to sympathises incredibly and hopefully will be able to deal with it sensibly. Keep us updated! Take care!
I hate it when people talk like this, especially those who believe in the bible -which I don't. 1)If it's a sin to be gay than why does God allow it to keep happening? 2)The bible is made and copied by humans. Humans make mistakes.
Yesterday night I talked to an HR representative who is taking on the case. She's going to do a full investigation on the matter. She asked me what I wanted the outcome to be. I really couldn't respond to the question. I didn't want him to be moved to another area, that seemed like I'm running away from my problem. I just wanted it to be documented. I think i made it pretty clear from my stance that he's not to me like that. She's just going to be the lighter under his ass reinforcing that stance. I don't know what the outcome is going to be but they'll let me know once the investigation is complete.
i think the reference to the "ghetto black gurl" voice was offensive. my point is that we all say things that are offensive at times and are judged by the lens of the person that is hearing or reading those words. for instance, i'm sure you meant nothing by this statement. however, someone reading it coudl think it was indeed offensive. the stocker could have felt the same way about what or how he said things. as you indicated he seemed to move on to another subject almost forgetting the conversation you had. you had to remind him about not talking about the gay thing as it appeared he forgot the statement. meaning that in his mind, it wasn't that big of a deal possibly. however, i am not condoning the other stockers behavior. as a general rule, one should not discuss religion, politics or sex at work. should those topics come up i just suggest avoiding them and removing yoruself from teh conversation or being evasive. also if you are gay that is not something that everyone is widely going to be ok with. that does not make it right for them to say negative or harrassing things about it, but i think we all know that many men and women share the same "ewwwww" mentality about it. my suggestion is that unless someone proves to be a great friend outside of work, do not discuss personal things with them at work that can affect your work environment.
While I agree with not disclosing something that personal, it doesn't mean it's completely taboo. If heterosexuals are able to joke freely about heterosexual content, then why can't homosexuals do the same thing? People's mentalities aren't going to change if they're not exposed to the "other".
I agree with Lex that you absolutely handled this the right way. It should definitely be a problem for your HR to deal with, not you, and it sounds like your company is taking care of it in exactly they way they should.
i believe that people gay or straight should be able to be open about their identity if they want to. i also realize that in reality this can be a bit more problematic for gays and bis (school, church, work, etc.). while i do not suggest anyone hide who they are, i do also realize that not everyone is open minded about this sort of thing. i am saddened that the op had this happen at work.
