Dont know what to do

Keep looking at the future. Things definitely sound bad, but you just have to remember things will get better. Being 17, you don't have much control over your life right now, but once you grow up, you'll be in control of everything - where you go, who you hang out with or keep contact with. Check out the It Gets Better project on YouTube; there is a lot of encouragement and support there. The project was spurred by gay teens being driven to suicide, and it's about communicating to them that there is hope, from people who've been where you are and made it through. (most of the videos are in the favorites)

itgetsbetterproject's Channel - YouTube

In terms of improving your current situation, I think someone else might have better advice than me, so I'll leave it to them. Good luck and stay strong! Don't give up!

 

In addition to Cymbrii's ideas, I'd also add that, if you're thinking of coming out in the future (or even if you're not and you want to start doing something about your family/friend situation now, since that's clearly bothering you), I would start trying to meet some new people and make new friends.

Does your school (either of them) have a GSA/LGBT student organization of any type? If so, I'd join, or at least find out who's a member and try to get your foot in the circle. If your friends are saying and suggesting all these things, then you might want to try to find better ones. I realize it's easy to say, but think how nice it would be not to have to put up with their comments and feel shitty about your situation just because of their offhand remarks?

As for family, that's a different story. People react in all kinds of ways, and sometimes they really surprise you when they learn that someone in their family is gay. On the other hand, it sounds like they're pretty clear on where they stand. Do you know of any extended family that would be more accepting?

Finding a new group of friends and support is half the battle - or even more, quite frankly. The more support you have around you, the easier this will be, and the easier it will be to come out eventually. There ARE things you can to do improve your situation right now though.

 

Hi, and welcome to EC.

First of all, don't give up, your life is barely starting, look forward you will soon be 18.
You will go to college and you may have more freedom, so look forward to that. Also, try to get support; from a source that you trust and know will keep your sexuality a secret.

Good Luck! and EC is always here to give a shoulder where you can lean on.

 

Surely everyone will value you alive and gay instead of dead and 'straight'.

Get outta that group of friends. They don't sound like great companions.

If you find one other gay guy, chances are he'll know some more. Get networking.

And cool name btw

 

Coming out is difficult enough without homophobic friends and family. I'm not sure where you live but if I were you I'd start planing my exit. Bide you time. Maybe it's college, maybe it's just saving some money and moving somewhere more hospitable to work. A working holiday. Do you have any friends or family abroad? Somewhere more sympathetic?

 

Hi Jim,

Sorry to hear about your struggles. Finding new friends is key and changing school can help towards that. You can reinvent yourself, work from a clean slate and not have to worry about anyone judging you. If it goes badly and you get bullied and/or have suicidal thoughts, talk to someone please. Anyone. Know what systems are in place to take care of student welfare and disciplinary action should it be needed.

Hope this helps. Feel free to write to me if you want some guidance.

Best,

Doctor F.

 

Jim: part of the reason your friends are acting this way is because they are teenagers. The gang mentality takes over and they try to be tougher than the next. Because they are young males, they try to express their "machismo" in large overblown terms. Sometimes those who are the loudest at expressing their homophobia are actually dealing with sexual orientation issues themselves. Given time, hopefully your friends will mellow and be more accepting.

I come from a strict Christian family, too. Relax. Even in strict denominations, there is no condemnation over who you ARE. They may have a problem with what you DO. Most condemn homosexual acts, but it doesn't sound like you've expressed your sexuality yet. At this point in time relax...the time will come when you can sort out your feelings and express your sexuality as you see best.

Suicide never fixed any problem. If you feel the urge, talk to someone and get help! I've tried to kill myself and I am so glad it didn't work. And life really does get better!

 

Jim94: Does your school have counselors? Can you think of a reason to get referred to a psychologist or a therapist and talk to him or her? It's rough when you're 17. But do not give up!

And talk to us here! We're all friendly ears here.

 

Jim94: When you first come out to yourself, you may feel like you have to rush things. You have come to an equilibrium within yourself and now you and the entire world be be in balance, too. Right NOW! Relax. You are no different now than you were a month ago or a year ago--except you understand yourself better. And now that you've accepted yourself, are you going to be doing anything new or different right now? Probably not. Especially because you are changing schools.

If you rush or force things before their time, you might end up making things worse. Will people make gay-bashing jokes around you if they don't know you're gay? Sure. Are you going to be able to change intolerant people just by letting them know you're gay? No. But you have a little secret inside yourself--like a little treasure--that they don't know. I sometimes enjoy my secret me when I know others have no idea of who I really am--yet. It is actually rather fun. I feel like it is a little joke that I can enjoy and they would have no idea. And actually, you can gage who other people are by their unguarded comments.

Things are not always simple. But at least you're talking about it here.

Don't give up!

 

I can sympathize with you, in fact we may be twins! Haha, uber-religious family and community. I want to come out but I havent worked up the nerve. I don't want it to have a negative impact on my future but I think I would be happier out of the closet. I've struggled with suicide and running away too, but I don't think thats the answer. Nobody wins in that situation. If you need to talk, let me know