hey i am new to this site and doing something with is hard for me I asking for support and advise. I still very uncomforable with being gay and still not comforable with my past, so I trying to doing a lot of self-accepting which hard for me as bury a lot of things in my life down any ideas or thought would be great, I having trouble being me
Take a good look at yourself. Think about yourself and let the tears flow if they come. If you're having trouble accepting yourself, then don't. Come back to it later. Doing this helps me to accept that I'm bisexual. Just ponder it a little bit a time.
I know it's hard. I spent years trying to be something I'm not because society told me that I was a bad person for being trans. Eventually, you realize that you are exactly who you were always meant to be. After all, being gay doesn't consume you. Being gay is only a small part of you.
It sounds like you have a lot of things bottled up in you. So what I would suggest is keeping a diary for a week. Write, draw, scribble, doodle - whatever suits you, it's your diary - for five minutes before you go to bed. It'll be a safe place where you can store all your anxieties and then wake up the next morning better equipped to deal with them. Hope this helps.
Don't dwell over it. I had trouble accepting the fact that I was sometimes completely gay. (It fluctuates) Just don't worry about what it may mean for your future. Just be. In my expirience, being gay doesn't really change anything. It just refers to what you like.
I usually recommend a few things. 1. Start a list. On paper, on your computer, on your phone, wherever. List at least fifty things you like. It's better if you can push it to a hundred. Anything you like. It's best if you get specific. Don't write "Harry Potter". Write "reading Harry Potter in bed" or "writing Harry Potter fanfiction" or "drawing stick figure Harry Potter comics". Don't write "food". Write "sloppy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on sourdough toast". Get as out-there as you want. Nobody needs to see this list but you. 2. Next step? LIKE this stuff. Don't just like it. Like LIKING it. Start a blog of your stick figure Harry Potter comics. Work on making the sloppiest best peanut butter and jelly sandwich you can make. You might look at something on your list and think "Well, that's dumb." No. It's not dumb. Because it makes you happy. And you have the right to happiness just as everyone else does. And if it's cup stacking, or aerobics, or playing video game music on your harmonium that leads you to that happiness, then you should have no qualms about taking that path to happiness. Work on those two things for awhile. See what happens. Lex
I'm a newby to this site, too. I'm older than you, but I am just now getting comfortable with who I am. When I finally came out to a friend, I felt such a relief. And now that I'm coming out more and more, I am finding I have more energy. It took such effort to fight within myself. I'm embracing the gay me. I'm finally realizing my "gayness" is really what makes me special and have some special insights and skills others just don't have. It's a hard road, and I'm still going down it. But finally getting to really love yourself as a gay man is really liberating. Keep talking and make friends who you can talk to about your feelings--even if it's online on a place like this. Bottling things up will only make you explode in some way that will be very unpleasant. (So says my psychologist.) It's better for you to control the flow. If you need an ear, I'm ready to listen. Tracker
Ben,Tracker. I feel you guys. Been "fighting within myself" for as long as I can remember. Just now coming to terms with it as I can no longer bottle these issues in a way that is congruent with a productive adulthood. Ben, just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in this. It has been slow as I'm going against defense mechanisms I've built up over a lifetime, yet I am becoming becoming more comfortable with it in time. Welcome to EC. This site has probably been the biggest source of help for me.
As a newby, I'm posting my answer here. The most I'm needing right now are gay buddies. And I'm feeling pretty much alone except for the guys here and on another site. And it wasn't until I stopped fighting myself that I realized just how much energy I was using just to be "straight." Sometimes it was exhausting. I'm looking forward to coming out more so I can completely relax and be me. What a wonderful thought.
I'll be your forum buddy. All me and my straight buddies talk about is womanizing and football. I used to partake in the womanizing side frequently ... with copious amounts of alcohol to get me there. That's done, time to get real.
