Not sure what I'm doing. People are going to think I'm nuts, but here goes... I'm wondering if anyone has any advice to give to someone who has NEVER dated his entire life and quite frankly is scared to death. I've been closeted my entire life, (except for the last 2 years), and quite frankly I'm finding it very difficult to gather the nerve to meet anyone. Oh I can think, "This person is handsome," or, "That person is cute," and so on, but if put into a situation where I can talk to any of them, I don't. Instead, I make excuses and find something else I "had to do". Going to a club is hopeless. I end up sitting the whole night by myself, or being approached by people I definitely have no interest in. Forget getting up on a dance floor, that's definitely out. Maybe I should just give up. Any suggestions?
I don't know how old you are but I was a lot like you, as I find it hard to talk to people I used some Internet dating perhaps you could try that.
Welcome to EC! It's easy to get very set into your "comfort zone". After years of flying solo, the idea that you'll just jump into dating can be scary as hell, and as you're finding, it's easier to just step backwards. A few suggestions: 1. If you go out to a club, give everybody a chance. And I mean everybody. I don't care how effeminate or ugly or uncouth that guy is who came over to talk to you. The fact is - he came over to talk to you. Which means he had the guts to do what you've been unable to do thus far. So at least thank him for coming over, chat with him a bit, and see if there's any interest, even on a "chatting" level. If there isn't, thank him again for talking to you, and change seats. He'll get the point. 2. Practice. Practice talking to people. Seriously. The more you do it, the easier it gets. So set yourself a goal. Each day, say you'll talk to three strangers that you otherwise wouldn't. It doesn't have to be a hot guy you're interested in every time, or even any of the times. It can be a random person in a store - one who works there, or one who doesn't. And you don't have to be brilliant at conversation. "I'm sorry - do you happen to know where they keep the baking soda?" is a good start. And it doesn't matter if the conversation peters out right away, although it's a good idea to see if you can keep it going for a bit. The point is to get used to starting conversations. As you get better at it, you'll feel more at ease doing it, and you'll even be able to start up conversations with attractive guys. Lex
