Just as a bit of background I'm going to post this. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/54341-bromance-more-than.html Well I guess ive fallen for him and i was on a high thinking that we could possibly be together. but after that i realized it could never happened and that i cannot and should not enjoy our close interaction. I know i should separate myself but i can bring myself to that. Ive manged to depress my self thinking of all the negative reactions he could have and the fact that we could never be together i would like us to. not to mention if he did like me he most likely would have his own emotional battle to deal with accepting himself. It was suggested that i try to separate myself form him and i guess respond more coldly toward him. that would not work because the more i protest the closer he gets and if i was ignoring him or being mean deliberately, he would realize something was wrong and get closer if only to spite me. I am not prepared to come out to anyone let alone him. this has also been suggested and i cannot imagine my self being able to do it. nor do i want to. I can only think of all the negative reactions. If hes does stop his close interaction and touchiness with me i will no he thinks less of me and does not want me to like him, which is understandable but heart breaking. I just want to maintain what we already have. His closeness and interactions are a comfort to have knowing that someone cares enough to be close to me despite my out out word mask not to want people close when in reality that is all i want. I enjoy the fact that someone cares enough to want to see me laugh and be ok. knowing that he wouldn't want to get that close after the fact i am gay, let alone like him back is too scary and there for will not come out to him. This delema has been destroying me internaly and ive manged to hurt people, close people because of it. What would be the best cores of action for the best results for my friend ship and my mental health. Thank you ahead of time.
Hey Josh =) Well, I already said I think coming out and being honest with him is the best way to handle the situation, but I totally understand if you don't think that's an option. However, you clearly don't seem to be happy with the existing situation. So I only see three options. 1. Let things stay the same, and you don't seem that happy with the situation currently. 2. Come out to him, be honest and trust him. Chances are that trust will be rewarded and you'll be come closer. 3. Distance yourself from him. If you are unhappy with 1 and 2 isn't an option, this really is not as bad of an idea as it might seem. Let me explain why. So when something makes us happy the substantia nigra in the brain's basal ganglia (aka the "pleasure pathway" or "addiction pathway") produces a neurotransmitter called dopamine. These dopamine neurotransmitters activating their receptors is essentially what makes us experience pleasure. That goes for whether it comes from love, eatting, sex, drugs, or anything really. So the problem is that when dopamine levels raise in the brain for a duration of time, it automatically starts reducing the number of dopamine receptors. So the raised level of dopamine becomes the baseline, and when you lose contact with the stimulus producing that raise in dopamine, suddenly you feel terrible because not only are you producing less dopamine, but you have less receptors in your brain. So feeling really bad is going to happen, but there's good new. After a short period of time, the brain will start producing more receptors again, and the brain will once again be in balance. The problem. If you continue to see him, and get that dopamine rush for only a short period of time it greatly inhibits the reproduction of those receptors. The brain wants to convince you to experience more of that stimuli producing dopamine, so you kind of have to convince it that the levels are not going to be raised again. The only way to do that is distance yourself from the stimuli (your friend you have feelings for) for a period of time long enough for your brain to become balanced again. I hope that made sense. Basically, the more you see someone you have feelings for, the harder it is to get over them, and you are gonna keep feeling depressed when you aren't around them. Its your choice to make. I wish you luck. Stay windy friend (*hug*)
WOOOOOH I DID IT! im out to him and all is amazing with the world. openly communicating has totally flushed my crush, and im goo. ill write another treas about the whole thing later. Peace
