Coming Out as Transgendered

I wish I had some advice to give, but I'm going through the same thing right now. I came out as gay to the world 3 months ago, but more as a transition stage. I'm not sure how I am going to explain that I want to be viewed as the woman I am. It's not going to be easy. ugh

I hope you work things out well. If your family is being supportive of your marriage and are accepting of your sexuality I'm sure they will be okay with you being trans. Don't be scared. My family has basically just ignored the fact that I'm gay, so once they see me in makeup and heels in might be a bit of a shock for them. lol

 

First of all, yeah, gay guys don't want to be female, so you're not gay. If you truly have a female gender identity, then you're actually straight. Congratulations? Hopefully that doesn't throw a monkey wrench into your relationship with your boyfriend.

Anyway, coming out as trans is kinda difficult, but worth it. As someone who has been through it, it's worth whatever awkwardness you have to go through to get there. Speaking from experience, most trans people don't hide their gender identity that well, so most people in your life--especially those who have known you your whole life--will already have suspicions. The best thing to do is to do it in smaller groups, like any other time you're coming out. Make sure your boyfriend is is there for moral support, so you don't chicken out.

 

I'm not sure if anyone in my family really "already have suspicions." When I told my sister I am attracted to men she wasn't surprised at all which has been a pretty popular response among other friends and family, but it's not like I have ever been caught wearing makeup or skirts by anyone in my family, and I did a pretty good job of hiding my gender from myself as well as the rest of the world for a long time. I don't think it is going to go over well. ugh It makes me sick with anxiety when I think about telling them. But excited too. I can't wait to just wake up and spend my day as the girl I am. God, I can't wait.

 

Eh... I just acted feminine, I guess. I was caught wearing dresses and with my mom's makeup a few times when I was extremely little, though.

 

I was pretty secretive when I was young and stopped dressing when I hit college. I hadnt even shaved my legs until a few months ago when I broke up with my ex.

It's starting to get pretty obvious now though. My brother has seen my shaved legs and plucked eyebrows and eyeliner and has made some rude comments about how I'm "acting like a girl" ever since I came out as gay. /shrug

We'll see how it goes. It's gonna come down to them just learning to deal with it, cuz I hate acting like a boy and am just so sick of living a lie. This closet is getting cramped, ugh.

 

I still don't wear makeup because I'm trying to get someone to teach me how to use it properly. I'd rather not learn with trial and error. Plus, I don't actually own any makeup myself. I may start within a week or two, though, because I really want to start. I also want to start wearing women's clothes.

 

I was lucky to grow up doing theater. I have been able to do my own makeup since I was very young. I don't have really any clothes that fit properly and I don't plan on dressing in public until I get some good breast forms. I order my wig in 4 weeks though. I can't wait!

I also am going to be scheduling my first appointment for laser hair removal in january and setting up a free consultation for hair restoration. I'm planning on using my tax return to pay for transplants. SOOOOOOO excited!

 

This is actually something that sucks about being trans - a lot. For many trans people, they are faced with having to come out twice. Once is hard enough! I actually have a thread about that, perhaps it may be of some help: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/support-advice/51632-transgender-=-having-come-out-twice.html

For me, when I came out as both transgender & as a lesbian, the first friend I picked to come out to was bisexual, so I knew she would be understanding. She then introduced me to her friend, who despite being married in a traight relationship, is also bisexual, so I was immediately accepted by the first two people I told. You already seem to have come out to the first person that was right for you, so congrats on that! It is very hard to come out as trans, since transitioning, if that is the path you choose, isn't as private as being gay. A person can choose to be discreet about being gay, but not necessarily about being trans when & if they decide to move forward with everything. For me, I pretty much decided that, whether it went poorly or otherwise, that I needed to come out to everyone I knew since I would have no way of hiding myself when I start on hormones & begin to transition. Since I already dress like a 20-something college girl, I started with those people i go school with first, since they see me on a daily basis. Luckily, people in college tend to be open-minded, or at the very least, everyone has their own thing & not a lot of time to worry about my whole situation, so Im completely out at college for the most part. I then started with friends Ive had that Ive made thru working at a couple of my at jobs, since they also go to my college & would no doubt see how different I will become. A few of them had even said after I came out that it explained a lot about me & that it wasnt a huge surprise. Im only currently out to both of my parents as far as family goes, & while they have accepted what I plan to do, the jury still seems to be out on if they will be able to accept me as their lesbian daughter instead of as their straight son. My mum had a hard time with it at first, but given all of the evidence in my past pointing to this, she seems to be getting better with it. Im waiting until after the holidays to come out to others in my family, since timing in coming out can be just as crucial sometimes too. But for me, the determining factor about my decision to be out came down to a matter of how unhappy & depressed I always was pretty much my whole life. Ive spent the last 30 years wishing & wanting to be female so badly, & wanting to be in, for me, is a normal relationship wiith another girl. So it was a matter of my happiness & personal comfort versus what others would think of me & if I would be accepted. I lucked out & everyone Im friends with these days are very open-minded, caring, understanding people, which makes it easier knowing I dont have to hide who I am everyday from them. Trust me, living a double life for trans people is very frutrating & difficult, & for many leads to depression as well. Even if the rest of my family doesnt accept me for who I am, at least I have my friends to support me thru my transition & accept me! The other thing I have done is go to PFLAG meetings & I joined my local GSA, which may be helpful for you if available in your area. PFLAG is trans-friendly. Here are the Northern ON PFLAG chapters: PFLAG Canada is there when it seems no-one else is. . PFLAG may also help anyone you know too, as they are also a support group for family, friends & allies of LGBT people as well, so for those you do come out to who may need some place to talk, this is a good place to refer them to. Also, see if there are any Gay-Straight Alliances or Pride groups in your area too. I Googled, but was unable to find anything, but that doesnt mean that there isnt any group out there. (*hug*) I know how hard it can be to feel how you do, I still feel conflicted sometimes, but things will get better & you've already taken the first couple of steps!

 

I personally don't like breast forms. They're for cross-dressers and drag queens. It's too fakey for my taste. How do you go back from it? One day you have a C-cup and the next you have an A? What happened? One of my friends is stuck in this boat.

 

Dhamma & Hot Pink, I know how you both feel, although I was caught A LOT when I was growing up wearing girls & later women's clothes! Pretty much from when I was 8 & finally knew that I was a girl all the way up into my 20s I was still getting caught by my parents dressing my true gender. As for makeup, Hot Pink, Im the same way too, Id rather wait for when my gf's all get together with me & do my colours so that I learn to do it properly & with the best makeup suited for me. This is one of the reasons why Im so happy I came out & that almost all my friends are also female - I have at least 4 of them that are excited & want to actively help me with makeup, clothes, feminine hygiene issues & pretty much everything else. The first 2 people I came out to flat out told me they were going to teach me everything about being a woman my age, since they have had their entire lives & I have 36 years of catching up to do! It really is making it easier for me to be optimistic about how things will turn out, but I still have the same doubts all of us do some days...

Im holding off on breast forms, since I agree that having breasts of a certain size & then having to accept when my natural breasts start to grow they will be smaller will be a difficult adjustment for me psychologically. I know how I am & it will just upset me. Still, I havent quite gotten out of the bra stuffing phase yet, mostly because I find it is calming for me to look down & see a female bust line like there's supposed to be!

 

Yeah I'm kind of on the fence still about the breast forms. I want to be able to look good in shirts and stuff, but I don't want it to appear unnatural. I'm thinking I will just have to get on HRT as quickly as possible (which was the plan anyways) and start to grow my own Besides I'm pretty skinny and its not like there aren't plenty of skinny girls out there with flatter chests. I might be able to get by with stuffing a pushup.

 

Well, I can affirm that when I look down and see my bust line, it's an amazing feeling. What makes it all the better is knowing that it's all me. 100% home-grown, all-natural boobs.

 

I am soooo jealous, girl. GAH I can't wait! lol

---------- Post added 6th Dec 2011 at 03:55 PM ----------

How longhave you been on hrt?

 

I have a little natural breast growth, and I add by using some small breast forms made for women who want to increase their breast size by one cup size. The combination works quite nicely for me, especially now that I'm getting thinner. If I go on HRT, whatever growth occurs will just add to that, so I'm not overly concerned with that bit.

Anyway, I don't plan on going full time any time soon. Maybe I'll settle with androgynous with female forms. It is far down the line anyway

Aren't we derailing this thread a little now? :eek:

 

I've been on HRT for four months.

 

Not to be rude or anything, but maybe we should keep these discussions to for example J Snow's thread unless we have some help for the OP?

I can't really help much with coming out stuff. I have only told a few friends. They're all bisexual actually, and the community we're in is pretty open to all variations. So it's a safe bunch of people to talk to. My family not so much. Some are definitely homophobes, at least in the extended family. My close family is very tolerant, but not necessarily accepting. I'm considering having a talk with one or both of my sisters over xmas. They're the most likely to understand.

 

yea,i hear alot about people like us having this problem.i really dont have great advice but i know tht its hard to come out but its something u got to do to make urself truely happy.good luck my friend and if u ever need to talk,im here

 

The only real advice is just not to wait. Waiting just makes it worse and makes you miserable.

 

I knew I wouldn't be able to tell them face to face so I did it over the phone. Maybe that would make it easier? But I should also say that it went over rather badly and I wonder if they at least wouldn't have been so negative if I had done it face to face. Sometimes it can be harder to be emotionally mean to someone right in front of you.