My parents have always pushed me to be the very best, regardless of what I want. I know what people say- its just coz they care- but honestly, I've never being allowed to fail and if I'm going to I want to fail on my own merits, dammit. I never feel like I can take a report card home saying that I've done my best when I've got almost no As. When I take a maths test home with thirty three out of forty marks dad asks what happened to the other seven. I can't stand it anymore. I can't talk to them and I feel like giving up. I just can't do it anymore. I'm in senior school now and the pressure is heaped on even more and I feel like even more of a failure because I've fallen from an A student to a C student who is clawing her way up to a B. Dad always looked down on Bs and I do too because fo that and I don't feel good enough. I wrote this tonight after Mum made me stay up like half an hour past my bedtime because I needed to finish a report for school and I had writers block so couldn't find the words for the damn thing. She's given up sooner than I have when it comes to writing stuff with a mental blank yet she told me to 'push past it because this is due on friday'. I KNOW! I'M STRESSING! STFU! The weight of the world On my bowed back I struggle to lift it To rise above The mire But I cannot It crushes my soul Destroys my spirit I say yes when I should say no I say no when I want to say yes I’m not good enough Nothing I ever do is good enough Will anyone ever look at me? Can you see that all I am Is a reflection of what I think you want to see? Look in my eyes And see the real me trying to draw breath Being suffocated By all you say and do Perfection isn’t good enough Not for you So not for me All I ever wanted to be Was what you wanted to see But even that doesn’t satisfy you And if that doesn’t satisfy you What will? I don't want to hear 'they only do it coz they care' coz thats all I ever get and it doesn't feel like they care.
Well hello there, currently in the same situation as you. Going from A to C then comming back up again and you know that horrible feeling that you get for going down there ughhhh its just awful. They want the best for you because they care I say Bull thats a load of crap, they're the ones that failed and are forcing themselves onto you they have absolutley impossible goals for you and they will suck the life and fun out of you. That being said in my situation my likes and passions (e.g pottery, im actually very good at it) are being disregarded all the time and being replaced by so called "ideal situation" where they push unbelieveable standards on you. So honey *hugs* were not alone and I want to say to rebel and show your parents who you are and what you want and like because sooner or later they will find out all the damage they have done to you and maybe just maybe they will finally take your happiness over some "ideal situation".
Wow, I can completely relate with the both of you. It's touch trying to do everything right all the time! I've been pretty depressed in recent months so my grades have gone done significantly and I can feel the sense of failure every time I take a test :/ I think it all comes down to what wellhidden was saying. Parents normally want you to do better than they did. They don't want you to fail as they have done or they want you to "learn from their mistakes". But I think it's important for all of us to make our own mistakes! It's all part of life after all! I also think that parents sometimes want you to have the best life possible and usually that best life possible includes a very narrow view of how people should live. They think happiness can only be achieved through a certain way ie: make a lot of money and live in a 2 story house with 2 kids etc. Unfortunately, what they makes them happy may not be what makes you happy and vice versa. I guess the only thing I can tell you is to find some sort of outlet and try to gently talk to them about the things you want to do. Maybe, try to reach some sort of compromise where you get to do the things you want and at the same time, compromise with them on certain things they might want from you (for now, once you're on your own and making your own money, you can do whatever you want!) It might ease some of the stress and it could keep you on good terms with your parents. I'm not sure if that'll work but it's all I've got as far as suggestions. Anyways, stay strong and keep writing! It really helps a lot!
Thanks guys. It's nice to know there are others out there. ---------- Post added 8th Dec 2011 at 07:25 AM ---------- Rebel won't work so I might try talking again, see if it makes a difference.
