My friends regularly joke about gays and about feeling each other up and all... and I never liked it really before but now I hate it even more and can't stand it because I've accepted and am happy with the fact that I'm pansexual. I wish I could tell them to stop it but they always ignore me anyway and they'd spread it everywhere that I'm gay because thats the kind of people they are. I hate it but I can't stop them and I don't want to lose them entirely. I've pulled away a lot from them because of the people they are- but I don't want to be all alone. I've got my bf but he's in the year below me and he's all I have at school apart from them... I don't even know what I want to get from this. Advice or sympathy or anything. I guess I just want to get it out. Coz I know the only way forward is to leave the group but... I just don't know.
Doesn't matter if it's about sexuality or anything else...if they are making you feel bad now...and would make you feel worse if they knew who you really are...then they are not friends. Believe me, I am very sympathetic toward your situation, but your situation does not sound tolerable. Is it possible to put them in their place regarding insensitive comments without actually coming out to them? Where I am, people generally know that they shouldn't make comments like that, because they offend not only LGBT people but anyone who knows an LGBT person or is sympathetic toward them...so all kinds of people will correct stupid statements. And I'm not talking about making subtle under-the-radar scoldings either...I'm talking about flat-out, "look, I really need you to stop making jokes about that stuff...it's not funny, and I find it offensive." But yes...if these people are really jerks, as you make it sound, then now is the time to start forming new friendships as you can. Good luck, Hana.
Thanks Annika. I knew that but I just needed someone to smack me over the head with it. My year is a lot more inclusive now and I'm not so much of an outsider so I'm not so alone even without them.
Haha. They'd ask who then spread it around the school that I'm in love with her and have had sex with her. Seriously.
I don't know how girls think, so don't take my advice here fully... A guy's perspective on this situation for guys who are afraid their friends are homophobic... When I was 20, a really good friend came to visit me in the city when I was having a difficult time. I thought I could really trust him with everything, you know? We went onto the subway, I saw a pro-gay ad with an athlete claiming "it gets better." I mentioned that ad as a way of possibly building into coming out to him. Next thing I know, it turns into a nightmare of him making homophobic statements and remarks. I kinda dug myself into the seat and pathetically nodded like I agreed with him. He had no idea that he was sitting right there next to his bisexual friend. Jump forward a year. I had come out to my other friends and my family. But, I was absolutely terrified of coming out to him. After all, he had basically lit LGBT folks aflame on that subway train a while ago. I thought he'd do the same to me. I sent it to him over text. "I'm a bi guy, I always have been, nothing has changed. Just thought it's time you knew." I woke up the next morning with a message from him telling me, "it's all cool bud, I'm happy that you're confident that you can tell me and good luck with that. I'm here." "It's all cool, bud." This was the guy I thought was homophobic and terrified of coming out to. We knew each other since we were kids. I was scared this would change everything and I'd become just another LGBT guy in his eyes. That wasn't the case at all. Things didn't change and in fact now they're better than ever. There was nothing to fear. There was nothing to fear. He has not said another homophobic thing since. Basically what I'm saying is, we see our friends or parents or what-not making homophobic statements in jest. But, at the heart of the matter, when it comes down to someone they know. Someone they grew up with. Someone. They'd rather still have that friend than continue how they thought in the past. They'd rather have that son than continue how they thought in the past. Knowing someone LGBT kinda gives them a whole new insight into it. It's kinda why Harvey Milk told people to come out and put a face on it - it makes it all the more real and it truly shows how diverse it all is. Usually your friends, will always be your friends. True friends would rather throw they're homophobic side away than lose someone they care about in their lives.
I tried to bring it up when we were talking about the Sims but they didn't take to the subject. Asked if they'd ever made gay Sims. They said yes but they never kept them that way. Then one started going on about spears and chalices as a metaphor for sex. I asked if spears and spears and chalices and chalices were wrong. They talked about it for a bit but it quickly went back to spears and chalices. Not sure what that means.
I'll never really get it either... homophobia makes just as much sense as racism or any other form of bigotry. Bigotry is just that... bigotry and it exists because people are judgmental and prejudiced I suppose.
if ur friends really love u and care botu u theyll accept u despite what their beliefs may be.i know it will be hard to come out but u cant hide who u r.i wish u best of luck
