Hi guys. This is my first time on being these websites but i think it will help me cope with my confusion and my issues. I love to hear peoples criticism even if it is negative. Being almost 17, I feel as if I screwed up my younger years. In my younger years, i endured trauma and it had changed my life. I come from a divorced family and I guess its hard but I'm over it now. I think i knew i was gay, but I was denying it because I guess during my younger years I wanted a friendship. Due to my trauma, I developed a defense mechanism for myself that doesn't allow to engage with other people properly. I guess I piss some people off or just to shy. I cannot get along with my peers, but it seems as if im pratically friends with older people. I know what I am saying is all confusing, but I have a terrible time to express my self. I think to fast but cannot explain fast enough. My brain is car that feeds of imagination. To bad my imagination never ends. As I started to get older, these feelings started to become stronger towards guys however I had have a few encounters with me liking a few of some girls. I like the girls that are wild and open. Neither that care so much of there complection but just being who they are. Same goes with guys. However I think more about guys than girls. So i guess you can call me gay. As bad as this is gonna sound, don't take it offensive, I don't talk with a high pitched voice. You couldn't even tell if I was gay. As clearly stated, im scatter brained. No ADHD LOL. To make the long story short. There are a couple guys I like and I have a feeling that they are gay also, however I am so afraid to ruin my reputation over this. I still want to have a family. I mean I love snowmobiling. I freaken love riding in the powder, racing on the trails. I mean I go crazy. I wan't to have sons like that. I want to enjoy that feeling. I know that I can still be gay and adopt, but I feel as if that puts to much pressure on my kid(s). Now this is a future thought. I'm only 16 lol. Nobody knows but I have the highest urge to always give hints. I been in therapy for two years now, and I still didn't tell my therapist. I think he is gay though also LOL!!!! Such a weird coincidence. I sound so judgemental, but I mean, I even say those terms like "Wow thats so gay" once in a blew even though I think i am. AND LOL, I wanted to date my Lesbian Friend. God tortures me :lol: I really just want to bullshit talk. Being so non social but energetic its hard to deal with it. I just love engaging conversation, but if I never talk, its like torture for me. I guess I just came here to talk. Bullshit about things. Just keeps me from feeling alone. Relationship is more important to me than ever. But please post, try not to be harsh, Im usually not good with people saying harsh things. I try to keep everything positive. :lol:
To be honest it sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things - move bravely forward and see where life takes you! As far as feeling like you can't have things due to being gay - this is absolutely not true. Having children when you're gay doesn't put any "pressure" on those children - they have one or two parents just like tons of other kids, they grow up thinking their parents are normal (except from 13-18 of course) just like every other kid, and if they get teased cause their parents are different - well, then again, that's just like every other kid. If you want, then move somewhere that you know will be more accepting, but don't worry too much about that kind of stuff. At base it's just a way for us to keep feeling different and that we don't deserve what other people have. But, of course, we do deserve it!
Gay people don't always have high voices, lol I agree with Gravity, you seem to have a good understanding of yourself. If you trust your therapist not to tell your parents, then I think you can go on and tell him. If not, then don't. Just a suggestion.
Welcome to the site (*hug*) I feel like a lot of your perceptions of gay men are based on stereotypes. The majority of gay men don't have noticeable accents or a unique voice pitch. You know being gay in no way effects whether or not someone effects snowmobiling right? there are lots of very "masculine" (I put the term in quotes because a lot of the things actually considered masculine by society are silly and really are only related to one's sex because society feels the need to separate and categorize everything) gay men out there. Also, the situation you described of no one being able to guess you are gay is very common. No one has ever guess that I am attracted to my birth sex or that I have strong desires to be female. Also, I believe in most cases if you are 16 or older that your therapist should be obligated to keep everything you tell them confidential, even from your parents. I would ensure that this is true, and if it is I would strongly recommend coming out to them. No one else is going to find out, and that's what they are there for. If you or your family is paying for them, you should get every bit of resource you can out of them.
Welcome to EC. It sounds like you're actually pretty sure of who you are, but you're afraid to accept that because of the perception you have of how gay people act. And of course, the truth is gay men are incredibly diverse. There are big burly masculine guys you'd *never* have known were gay, and ordinary guys that it would never occur to you to think they're gay... and guys that are pretty obvious, and guys that could set a room on fire they're so flaming. Since your handle is "theatergeek", my guess is that you spend a lot of time in theater, and one thing that is true is that many guys drawn to theater tend to be a bit more flamboyant than guys who have other interests. There's also a much higher proportion of gay guys in the theater field (even in high school) than in many other activities in school. So it's possible that's where some of your perceptions come from. But you don't have to be like them if that isn't who you are. And of course, you can have lots of straight friends who do very "straight" things, and you don't have to change any other activity or behavior or hobby that you enjoy simply because you're gay. At your age, in this day and age, most teens are very accepting of guys who are gay, and I think once you're ready to tell your friends and others at your school, most people won't care. In any case, you're on the right track it sounds like. Stick around and enjoy our little community!
Thanks everyone lol. I'm a giddy person I guess. I just wish I could find a relationship that doesn't involve me telling everyone. And lol when I said about the voices I was meaning to be sterotypical. I can just be observant but i know that everything that's comes to mind is not true. Lastly, yes I can tell my friends but it's hard to do lol. I like to not be so direct like, Dan, I'm gay LOL. Omg, his mother thinks its psychological problem but not so true most of the time. I guess at my state, I want just any relationship but lol hahaha, I need a mans junk once in a blue LOL hahaha. I am not really a horn dog, but come on, none of us will deny that we want action here and there. Which does remind me that time in the jacuzzi with some German friends of mine. Octoberfest =D. We were so close. Hahaha. Boy I love Germany. I guess I love euro guys. Maybe it is because I am one.
Welcome to EC! Like Chip said it sounds like you are fairly sure you are gay but not as accepting to yourself. So what if you don't have a high voice and you like to snowboard. That is part of who you are. I'm a masculine gay myself. I love the Red Sox, watch football on Sundays (go Pats ). When you are comfortable you may want to talk to your therapist. It will help you work through this. Come out when you are ready. Coming out is not a race.
Well I always had temptation to change my mind. So I'm sure but not certain. I mean I call my friend ccm for credit card machine cuz she got huge ones lol. Pisses her off but for some weird reason I like her. So it's like I'm like f u and she like f u too with a laugh.
