After thinking i was bi for nearly a year now it turns out i'm not, i'm gay. Today i just sat down and thought about it for around 3 hours and i'm positive i'm only really attracted towards men. I think that subconsciously i was still trying to fight it because i didn't want to accept i was gay so i was under the impression that i was bi because part of me wanted to be straight and the other knew i was gay.
Happy to hear it! I hope it brings some contentment into your life. I think it's common (for men at least, based on my own experience) to use the idea of bisexuality as a kind of "stepping stone" to being gay, so you're not alone. This isn't to say that there aren't plenty of men who are bi - of course there are - but your situation is one that I've seen in other men also. My ex did the same thing, and as for myself, when we first got together I tended to think of myself as neither gay, straight, nor bi, but just attracted exclusively to him (awww :lol.
congrats ( not sure if it the right thing to say) on finding some clarity. even though im a girl, i can relate in that i went though the bisexual stage to try not be gay and to hide it from a homophobic community. i tried dating guys because it was "the normal thing to do" but i stilll looked at girls and felt aroused even when i was dating. and eventually i told myself who cares what others think, its not wrong to be gay and i like girls, people must just build a bridge and get over it
I also thought I was bisexual when I first realized my attraction towards men. At the time, I thought women were attractive as well so I just figured I was bi. Then I met my boyfriend and I realized more as the relationship went on that I couldn't be with a woman because it just wouldn't feel the same. I also don't get turned on by women anymore at all lol. I'm glad you've deepened your understanding of your sexuality, though. I feel having a good understanding can save yourself from complications later on
It's funny, but in my experience, a lot of gay people go through a period of identifying as bisexual, but bisexuals often feel it's worse to be bisexual, and also go through a denial period, and may even identify as gay for a while. I think sometimes it's easier at first to identify with whichever one is false, because it's a way of escaping and denying the truth. When you are in denial, the false identity feels more comfortable than the true one, precisely because it is false and deep down you know it, so in identifying that way you don't actually have to face the truth. Objectively, I don't think it's easier to be either one than the other.
Congrats! The last point raised by Ianthe is really interesting and reminds me of a conversation I was having with a friend a few days ago. I said to her usually when you feel you will get rejected you will scrutinize everything for evidence of the contrary but when you know you aren't so sure you tend to not scrutinize anything at all. I'm guessing in this case since you fear being rejected due to being gay you scrutinize for any evidence of bisexuality and you find small morsels that allow you to continue to deny that fear. Similarly when you are bi you scrutinize for any evidence of being gay or straight since you want to deny that you are bi.
:eusa_clap Congratulations! That realization is such a relief, isn't it? I did the same thing. ("Sure, I'm attracted to women, so I guess I'm bi. I just CHOOSE to not be, you know, that way. I'll just get married and pray real hard and it'll go away.") The day I was able say that I truly am gay and really only attracted to women changed everything. I am so happy for you. (*hug*)
First, congrats pace! Always happy to read about these moments/stories. It really is difficult coming to terms with yourself. Second, these replies are very interesting, I can't help but feel it's what I've gone through/been going through in the past and particularly the last year or so [originally entertaining the thought I was bi; scrutinizing every little thing in order to avoid identifying as gay and so on.] It's helpful to know that plenty of others have gone through the same thing.
I think a large number of people go through this same process, and Ianthe has really nailed it as far as the thinking that goes on behind the change in self-perception. Congratulations on accepting yourself! I bet it feels good, at least at some level, to have certainty about who you are.
Thank you all so much for your support, it really helps to have people to talk to about this since i don't have a lot of close friends at home.
im so happy for u.thats a big steptheres nothing wrong with being gay even though some people may make it out to be but theres nto and its been proven that ur born with it,just some figure it out later than others just like peeps with gender identity disorder
