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Does being in the closet make you apathetic?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by kylegf2011, Dec 8, 2011.

  1. kylegf2011

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    I was just wondering if being in the closet makes you not be as happy as you could be and that nothing seems to be good enough for you, or something? Does it damage you in any way?
     
  2. dreamcatcher

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    Hmm that's a good question. I've been feeling like that myself actually. But I don't know if it's due to the realization that I'm gay or if it's due to being in the closet. Maybe both? But most people who are out of the closet generally say that it makes them feel happier. And I would say yes being in the closet is damaging as lying or being secretive will eventually take a toll. Not to mention, we all want to be accepted for who we are and our sexuality is a part of us.
     
  3. Elven

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    I found that when I was in the closet I would go through large periods of depression and general apathy, and I'd say that most people in the closet will to some degree. It's probably one of the main reasons that people come out and would likley account for alot of suicides. If it is shame and fear that keeps people in the closet then life isn't going to appear very bright with that black cloud following them about, eventually I'd guess alot of people generally just shut out their built up emotions of anger, fear, loneliness, guilt and whatever else they may have gathered, ending up feeling numb inside and everything seeming gray and uninteresting, I did at least.

    So yes I would say that being in the closet can indeed be damaging to the mental outlook a person has on life, hence why there are so many projects and organisations based on trying to help LGBT people, teens especially, through these dark periods and hopefully help give a better outlook on life. The "It gets better" messages are a good example, as is this website, sometimes just having information, help finding yourself and having people who understand to talk to are the most important things. It does and will get better. (*hug*)
     
  4. missyjustice

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    I'm out in some parts of my life and closeted in others. I'd say that overall being in the closet makes me feel caged and only brings about negative feelings at this point. When I was still not ready to accept myself I felt comfortable in the closet. I felt safe there and I was ok with people not knowing who I really am. Now that I accept myself and embrace my sexuality I no longer feel comfortable or happy in spaces where I feel I have to hide that part of me. I feel like everyone should be free to express themselves wholely and openly and it's sad that I can't do that yet in some places because I'm not ready to deal with being attacked for something that I can't change and that I myself don't want to change.
     
  5. Doctor Faustus

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    It only damages you in the sense that you can't be honest about yourself to others.
     
  6. Ianthe

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    Repressing or hiding an aspect of who you are can make you depressed. Depression often is experienced as apathy (a lack of feeling anything). It can also cause various degrees of dissociation--you may feel like the person living your life isn't really you. You may feel like you have two separate selves (or more). You may feel like you are floating outside your body, or like your life is a movie that you are watching, but it's all really happening to someone else. The feeling that you are disconnected from things in your life can also lead to not caring about anything.

    And of course, all the conditions that lead people to be in the closet can also contribute to depression.
     
  7. needshelp

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    yes, it does.
     
  8. Gleeko0

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    Yes. I've been much happier and confident since i came out, 2 years ago. Its like i'm really living as myself, i have an indentity, i am truly myself! And that gave me strength to not accept any kind of attack because of my sexuality, i can (and have) faced many people who insulted me. Coming out made me life much better, of course...it has its consequences, and it will bring you a lot of problems for a long time, but i feel ots better living with these problems than being someone who is not really you. just because other people want you to be that person. This is why one day i said "fuck it, i'm not accepting this anymore" and came out ; )

    ---------- Post added 8th Dec 2011 at 08:56 PM ----------

    many people criticised me and hated, but many also supported me, what matters is that in the end i'm much better.


    Taking in consideration my actual state of mind, yes being in the closet made me apathetic.
     
  9. IanGallagher

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    I'm definitely a lot happier now that I'm out. With my friends it wasn't really noticeable unless a hot guy was around lol. Around my parents is a different story - there was always just this awkward distance between us. Ever since I came out with this and that I care about my adoption, both things I feared their reactions to -- things have never been better. I still have to slowly ease my Dad into it, but my Mom jumped aboard immediately. Things have definitely gotten better though. I can completely 100% be myself and not fear what those close to me would say about it.

    Ironically my luck and confidence with girls also increased. Which I find funny and odd, it took admitting that I liked guys to have better luck with girls as well. That really shows the effect the closet can have.
     
    #9 IanGallagher, Dec 8, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 8, 2011
  10. TearDropFairy91

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    Well I guess I could say it causes stress and depression, not really unhappiness.... well from what I'm going through at least.
     
  11. PerfectInsanity

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    I think the heart of the feelings of apathy while closeted boils down to this: how can you be expected to care about anything else in your life when you're made to feel like you can't care about your true self and the things in your life that you desire? Especially if you're in the closet for a long time, denying yourself happiness makes it hard to give a damn about other aspects of life. Starting the coming out process is the only way to reverse the trend and reclaim your life.
     
  12. Uniboth

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    The closet sucks.

    I don't suffer from the pain of not getting to be myself...I'm always me and I believe that I'd be the same, in or out. I'm generally quite proud.

    What hurts is my parent's assurance that being gay is unacceptable. Mom has mentioned that she'd kill herself if one of her son is gay. Dad, while the understanding one, has heart problems, suffer from having too much pride and a third-world mentality. That's what tearing me apart...that and still not knowing what real intimacy is like at 25 and also not knowing a way to get it!

    I'm far from numb...quite emo actually!
     
  13. IchBinNeuWiener

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    It depends on the person I guess to what degree, but yeah being in the closet will generally depress you. Every step foreward makes you feel better about yourself, I remember when I finally admitted to myself I was gay, two summers ago. I went to a language camp in another country and though, i wasnt ready to come out, i decided to just live it out however i wanted to, i never told any one was gay, but it was the happiest i'd been in ages. It really does make a difference. Also before I came out to the first person (my cousin who didnt even live in the same COUNTRY as me) I would feel down so often and just breeze through life, i really didnt talk much. If theres any proof that coming out liberated me, its that half my teachers wrote in the comment section of my Progress Report (ie i hadnt even had most of these teachers for a full term) about my "personal transformation" and how I was a lot more active in class discussions and just talking to the people around me. And this was after telling only my cousin (and a bit later the teacher in charge of the GSA), so telling my parents (which in my case went well, though the first week was awkward...) just furthered the feeling of being free.
     
    #13 IchBinNeuWiener, Dec 9, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2011
  14. insidehappy

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    being in the closet is like this:

    i see him and i wish i can tell him i'm interested in him but i can't cuz he may not be gay and i dont wanna go to gay places, so i will act like i did not notice him cuz i'm scared of what he may think

    i must keep a distance with my friends. if i get too close they may start asking too many questions about why i don't have a girlfriend. gotta keep a walll up.

    if i go to a gay club, it has to be very far away or isolated and at all times i'm on alert that someone will discover me and out me.

    if someone is gay and approaches me, he has to be the right kinda gay guy because if he is too out and not also hidden and masked, then being around him may out me as well.

    i have to lie to coworkers about why i never had a real date at work social events.

    uh ohhhh, getting older, have to come up with a lie for family as to why i am not married or have kids.

    see a nice girl, must keep distance, she may start asking too many questions or want to date me. must keep her away.

    self isolation, self loathing, paranoia, wow, being in the closets sounds so uplifting.
     
  15. Hidinginalabama

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    I think it does damage you in a way just because you cant be who you really feel you are. When I was in the cloest every one thought I was an ass and I was just because I was unhappy that I couldnt act or do what I felt was right. Now that I am out all my friends say that have changed for the better. That I am a person that is always happy now.
     
  16. unknown12

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    It's damaging me in alot of ways. It's brought my grades in college to new lows and iv'e socially withdrawn from society. My depression has gotten really bad, I may go on anti-depressants soon. I basically feel like static when I have to be straight around people i haven't come out too. I feel insignificant around my parents.
     
  17. Z3ni

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    It compresses me, my personality, my life, confuses my well being, I'm always angry.. people don't understand, and won't, which makes them not fond of me.

    I lie to people and worst lie to myself.. for the mean time.
     
  18. malachite

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    I think it kinda makes you feel left out, or feel shame that you have to hide who you are then perhaps the idea of coming seems harder since you've been "lying" to people aout who you are.
     
  19. Tracker57

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    Staying in the closet necessarily creates an inner conflict with yourself. I don't know that it creates apathy per se, but it may cause you to act irrationally because you aren't being honest with yourself and those around you. If you try to keep it contained and bottled up, sexuality will one day explode on you in some way you don't expect. Get out and find a way to express yourself positively!!!