Why does she have to have proof to believe me?

I'm in the same position with my parents. I understand your pain, because when your loved ones doubt you, you start to doubt yourself.

My parents' reaction last year when I told them I was probably gay was not as good as I'd hoped it would be. Their biggest question was how could I possibly know. I've never been in a relationship either way so I can understand why they would be skeptical, but at the same time I was angry because it put doubts in my head. I've taken this last year to reconsider things and deal with this doubt.

I guess on some level I need the proof too, so I don't really blame my parents. My great aunt (mother of my gay cousin) told me that it just won't be real to others until I bring someone home. When they see you are happy and this is what you want, then they will come around.

Don't worry you're not the only one. Try to not let it get to you too much. Only you know what you really want and like so take comfort in that.

 

oh god. what a crap friend. acts like a 10 year old.

sorry, that's all i can think to say. not very helpful, i know, but just take comfort in the fact that you're in the right.

 

I agree with Arneneithel. If she doesn't accept what you say then she is perhaps not such a close friend. If she is not going to believe you without "proof" then that's her problem, not yours.

Ask her to prove she's straight the same way....

 

Yeah, asking her to prove that she's straight will probably get your point across, and if it doesn't, try my surefire method: share too much information with her, but make it the kind of information that will prove your lesbianism.

For example, there was this kid on my bus who doubted my sexuality. Here's how the conversation went.
Him: So, have you even had a boyfriend?
Me: No.
Him: Then how do you know that your gay.
Me: Because I think about guys when I masturbate.
Him: Ok, ok, I get it.
Works every time.

As for her accusing you of trying to get attention, try this line. "There are plenty of way for me to get attention that won't get me ostracized by society, rejected by my parents, taunted in school, discriminated against by potential employers, or beat up on the street. Why would I do this for attention?"

 

Ugh so rough. I hate that question. It's that question that made me question my own sexuality. It's all about the denial thing. Maybe she doesn't want to accept it because she wants you to be straight and normal? Maybe she just doesn't like the idea of her friend being gay and persecuted?

That's the way mom saw it...

 

I dont get it. alot of people are like that, i basically got the same thing. oh so youve been kinda fooling around with this chick...so are you thinking about going gay? you dont just go gay, whether you are with a chick or not, lol its still what you want. ugh its so frustrating.

lol ive also been told that ive failed at trying to be gay...how harsh.

oh well we cant change them, we can only change how it effects us, if we dont let it bother us then we wont be bothered, thats about all we can do good luck.

 

OMG I don't understand why people ask such rediculous questions!! :bang:

I'm annoyed for you.

I haven't had that type of comment directed at me (yet), but I've overheard simmilar comments about other gay people. It's actually one of my biggest fears about coming out- that people won't believe me.

I agree though, why would we 'go' gay just to be part of a group? It's one of the stupidest things anyone can say. I do know that some tv shows have glamourised homosexuality (OC's lesbian fling), but those people who are just doing it for attention make it so much harder for us to be taken seriously.

I don't think she had any right to say that to you Biloved. Being gay doesn't make it any easier to find a partner, and we should not have to prove anything. I know it's not exactly the same thing but you wouldn't ask a haemophiliac to prove they have haemophilia (sorry-it just popped into my head). And I can't believe Ebra was told she 'failed' being gay!! Why do people think it's aceptable to say these things?!

As I said, I haven't encountered this yet, but I know it'll come sometime.....

 

As other people have pointed out, perhaps she is not a true friend. Let her think about next time she asks of how would she feel about her sexuality if a "close friend" doubts about it.
Best of the lucks, and dont let anyone bring you down

 

Yeah it's an unfortunate side effect of being gay- the doubts and questioning - whether you're in the closet or out of it. Seems this situation is more common for people who don't easily fit the stereotype: a butch girl with short hair, or a lispy guy with wobbly hips. I dunno my cousin claimed to be a lesbian for a good while, and I witnessed the family's reactions of shock and gossip and now she's married, and has previous kids... so it does seem a bit odd as if it was a phase. It kinda impaired my ideas of how my parents would feel about me since I got to see what they thought of her. They just didn't approve of her messing with peoples feelings, not the fact that she was gay.

I think the doubt would be harder for lesbians, especially when you're trying to figure it out for yourself. I imagine it would be hard to accept and progress yourself if you were surrounded by doubt. I guess you just have to kinda reach a point in yourself where you can feel confident about who you are even without external support.

As you said you tried to tell your friend, and I myself often say "how did you know you were straight?" You just did. We just do. Often our doubt is internal fears from our surroundings.

 

That's brilliant, I'm gonna use that next time. I seem to get that question right after they ask if I've ever done anything with a boy or girl and I say no.

 

my friend said the same thing about me, but not to my face.
to our other best friend actually.

she told her until ive had sex with a guy how would i know thats what i want?
its like... ugh. such a dumb question.
but whatever.
not much you can do but just deal with it in whatever way you can, or realize theyre not the friend you thought they were and move on...

 

I say just start french kissing her.....and say are you happy now!! lol

 

I laughed so hard when I read that! :roflmao: :roflmao: I can just picture the reactions of some of the people I know! I don't know if I'm gutsy enough to actually say that though...we'll see. But as for the rest of it, good points. Few straight people will accept the idea that they have to know that they're straight--it's like they think only straight is natural, and being anything else is just such a deviation that it can't be real, we must all be delusional. And, because we are all stupid and delusional according to them, we picked to be gay/queer/bi/whatever in spite of the fact that it gets us all of the discrimination and rejection you described. Makes us sound pretty dumb, no? But whatever, not much we can do about it.

That is pretty harsh...I'm sorry.