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suicidal thoughts

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by DhammaGamer, Dec 9, 2011.

  1. DhammaGamer

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    Its freaking 7 in the morning and im laying in bed thinking about killing myself. I saw some dumb freaking movie last nite with dane cook and there is this extended scene where it shows him having sex with all these gorgeous women. I dont see naked women very often cuz im not attracted to girls and seeing them in this movie has made me sooo self conscious. Why cant i be a girl? Why was i born this way?

    Its not fair! I hate my body. It makes me so depressed sometimes to think im going to have to go thru so much to be viewed as a woman but these beautiful girls just had it handed to tem. I feel so disgusting.

    Ugh im sorry to be a downer, thoughts like this just make me want to die. I have been pretty optimistic this last week but that movie just struck a nerve.
     
  2. Countervail

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    Don't feel bad, just keep in mind that you are better than those women.
     
  3. anatta

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    If you don't want to talk to a professional or anybody about it outside of this forum, at least do telephone somebody if and as soon as you start to make any specific plan, times, HOW you might do it, etc. That's the most important thing.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I gather from your avatar and username that you identify in some way with Buddhism, probably the Theravada school, am I right? You might have guessed from my username that I do too. :slight_smile:

    Daily mindfulness practice has been invaluable for me in stopping the recurring brief episodes of depression, sometimes with suicidal thoughts and urges, that I had for over a decade. If you haven't read about the use of mindfulness techniques as developed by medical researchers specifically for depression and anxiety, I strongly recommend it. Research suggests most depressed patients benefit to a significant degree, at least from those programmes studied. The National Health Service in England now offers mindfulness-based therapies free to patients with several mental conditions, though I don't know what the situation is in other countries. I initially just found traditional and therapeutic instructions free online, personally, and it still worked for me.

    The key realisation and attitude to cultivate for me was that a depressive or suicidal thought, like any other, is just a thought, just a process. A cluster of mental images, representations of other sensations, abstract concepts and emotions, and verbal encoding of these in to mental words, which is how the brain helps lay them down in memory. It doesn't necessarily reflect any truth about anything other than its own existence, the "existence" of the process of that "thought". In other words, you don't have to believe everything you think and feel.

    Objectively, unresentfully observing them as they arise without the implicit assumption that they're true is not the same as denying or repressing them. It's actually giving them the respect and space they need to do their fleeting dance and be on their merry way. The technique of "labelling" the current sensation (i.e. image, emotion) or activity-type (i.e. fantasy, memory) of the mind with a single, not-too-specific word, in a calm voice even if you don't feel calm, helps to gradually introduce an element of genuine equanimity and perspective to experience. Don't label any of your labelling though unless you want to get caught in a loop of infinite regression. :icon_wink

    Judgements and fantasies, including judgements of judgements ("oh damn, I'm not supposed to be judging this feeling!") can feel very real and justified at the time but can all be observed with gentle interest instead of counter-productive attempts to force them away, "run with them" intellectually or analyse them to death. Moving towards emotions just as they are actually makes them dissipate much more quickly and without the negative chain reaction or spiral effect, although it takes practice and can cause them to very briefly spike in intensity.

    There's a good chance you already know all about all this, but in case not, I hope it's of some help. As I said, do seek professional advice if you can. (*hug*)
     
    #3 anatta, Dec 9, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2011
  4. TraceElement

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    I know how it feels to want to kill yourself, I have been there a few times before. I understand that it may feel like the world is against you, and it would be better if you left, but that is not true. It is just and emotion.
    I would suggest seeing your doctor or a psychologist sometime in the near future, but if you can't please call a suicide hotline. Also, remember that there is always someone here on EC you can talk to, and you can message me or the staff here if you want to.
    My psychologist has explained to me (several times for different situations) that the emotion you feel is different than the true facts.
    Example: I was considering working in a different department (same work, different coworkers and environment) but I felt like I would fail and wasn't sure if I could handle it. But, while thinking through the situation, I had filled in with the different department on my days off, and the supervisor was excited to have me, and I was clearly able to do the work expected of me. I didn't want to take the transfer because my emotions got the best of me, instead of looking at the truth and facts of the matter. Remember that while you may feel emotions strongly, it may not always be fact.
    Sorry for the long winded response, but a number of us at EC have been in your place, and are willing to help and are willing to talk to you one on one, just please reach out before you end up acting on what you feel. I have also included a link of suicide hotlines if you need it. Hugs, and hope you feel better:slight_smile:
    SuicideHotlines - For Suicide Prevention & Emotional Crisis
     
  5. Tracker57

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    Please listen to anatta and TraceElement. For many years I really didn't like myself, which in part led to a suicide attempt. I thank God that it was unsuccessful. I was completely wrapped up in lies that I was telling myself and believing. It's taken a long time, but I'm finally very happy with myself...AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO! Hollywood actors and actresses are plumped, pinched, and dieted to within an inch of their lives to "look good." Instead, they bring an artificial reality to people like you and me. Television gave us a fake view of family--such as Ozzy and Harriet and the Brady Bunch. Reality is much different. It's the same for body image. The media pumps out "perfect" people and we unwittingly buy into it. Don't believe the lie. YOU are special and unique. YOU have to find it and embrace it. And don't get caught up in the lies you're telling yourself.
    Please talk to someone you can trust and share your feelings and thoughts to get through this period. Suicide is never the right answer.
     
  6. TraceElement

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    Hey DhammaGamer, how are you doing?
     
  7. Veronica

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    I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said, but I hope you feel better (*hug*)