so i am about to tell my best friend i am gay (ive known him for 12 years) but im wondering if i should make it clear to him that im not hitting on him :lol: i know its odd but should i tell him that?
I'd gage his reaction to your news. If he thinks you're attracted to him sexually, then tell him. If he's not used to being around other gay guys, you may want to tell him just to dispel the idea that all gay guys want sex with any guy we see. Good luck talking to your friend. I'm doing the same thing with a friend I've known since I was 5 next week. And I WILL tell my buddy that I'm not attracted to him. (We'll be sharing hotel rooms on a long road trip. He'd be freaked out otherwise.) Keep us posted on how it goes.
I definitely understand your reservations about how exactly to make your attraction (or lack there of) clear. When I told one of my closest male friends, though, he didn't even think about asking that question until way later because he could see how difficult of a time I was having just coming out. Because he is your close friend, I really think that he will be more concerned with how you feel and what the affect is on you rather than immediately jumping to how it affects him. I really hope that the experience is a positive one for you as it was with my friend!
I wouldn't jump to telling him straightaway, particularly if he doesn't have many gay friends or hasn't had much contact with gay people. Just come out to him, gently, and let him know how much you trust him with that kind of information (it's a sign of how greatly you value his friendship) and how difficult it's been for you to even pluck up the courage to tell him. Be sincere, honest and above all stress that you don't want your friendship to change. If you're not comfortable with letting him know you have feelings for him, don't tell him. You are in charge of this process; no one else is. Hope this helps. Good luck! Faustus.
