My Mother Outed Me To Everyone

Its bad that your mom did that, I dont think your over reacting at all because it should of been your choice of who gets told and when. I think you should talk to your mom and explain how you feel but I also think you shouldnt blame her fully as she was drunk. I think you should then talk too your family members that you feel close too that got told or if you dont feel ready to talk too them then leave it for a couple of weeks and let the situation calm down. I do think you should talk too your mom though as she obviously feels bad and your hurt by what she did.

 

no your not over reacting to this at all but if you look on the bright side the familly took it pretty well and those are less people you have to tell. although it still should have been your choice. i would talk to your mom that should help the both of you.

best of luck.

 

You're not overreacting at all. You're mum broke a confidence and trust with you: you may want to be careful going forward. My mother and sister let loose some very confidential information about me to my family and I felt violated.

On the bright side, your mum just did a lot of the work for you. We all want to time and control the release of person information about ourselves, but at times that doesn't happen the way we want. Eventually, your family members would know anyway. Now you can deal with them in an honest and open way and the burden of "outing" yourself is done! It's just not the way or at the time that you wanted to do it; but the deed is done.

Mothers only want what's best for their children (drunk or not). But sometimes their deeds are a little misguided.

 

I would say its not right what she did, but since it wasn't with bad intent I would forgive her, and let her know if you forgive her since she feels so bad.

You're lucky to have a mom that accepts you and wants to make your life easier.

 

I know how you feel, since even tho I asked my mum not to tell my dad after I came out to her, she outed me to him anyway with no thought or regard for my wishes or feelings or even my well-being, as I was afraid of being kicked out or something. And what's worse was, my mum was sober when she did it & motivated purely by who she felt about things. I dont think youre over-reacting at all, since its a queston of your own safety & health & well-being & comfort. She may have been drunk, but that was still no excuse. While she says everyone took it well, it could easily have gone a different way & she didnt sound like sh'd thought of that at all...

 

A different angle on this...

A few months after I first came out to my best friend. He invited me to a party at his restaurant. His extended family, and several mutual friends were there as well. It was at this party that I discovered he had outed me to just about everyone there, including several of his gay staff members.

I was mortified, but it didn't go as badly as I expected. Most people came up to me and offered words of encouragement or of congratulations. I got hugs or claps on the back from well-wishers, many of whom were like family to me as well, as my friend proudly told people how HE was the first person I had entrusted this information with...

I asked him later why he would do something like that. He replied that I'd been cooped up in that closet for too long with the thought that no one would love or accept me if they knew. "That's why I'm liberating you," he said.

I have to admit, he was right.

 

I know what it's like to be outed. At my former job, a coworker outed me to everyone, I mean everyone. I was pretty much out but not at work. I worked at a car dealership and I was not too sure how people would take it. I was so scared. Instead of denying it I embraced it as a chance to be totally free. I also stood up to the woman that outed me. I think she thought that by doing this I would cower to her. I did not. In the end I gained several close friends and started a dialog at the dealership. Everyone was so accepting.

I would tell your mom that you are not happy about what she did but don't hold it against her. It sounds like your family is accepting so she did in a way did you a favor.

 

That is most definitely not true. There are crappy parents out there. There are mean, abusive parents out there. Not all mothers have their children's best interests are heart; I have heard of parents outing their kids to people they KNOW will react badly, just to hurt them. :/ It is sad.

But, that said... I don't think the OP's mom is that sort of mom.

To be frank, she should feel bad right now; she CHOSE to drink, she chose to drink until she got drunk, and she is responsible for what she said/did while drunk. (That's why we prosecute drunk drivers!) She could have outed you to someone who might have harmed you. What if those people she told were to tell someone else who would, even if they themselves wouldn't? Gossip spreads. So yeah, you have the right to be angry.

Should you STAY angry? Probably not. I think your mom needs a talking to, and I really think she needs to be told that if she is going to get drunk and spill secrets, she won't be trusted with secrets in the future. :/ But it was a mistake and so far things are okay, right? So... staying angry over it isn't a good idea.

 

It sucks, and it happens to everyone at some point. Try not to hold it against her. People get drunk and do stupid stuff, it's part of life.

When things like this happen it is best to take the bull by the horns and own it. Buy your mom a Thank You card and say thanks for saving me the effort, appreciate it.

 

I was outed to my family by a relative who discovered some porn on my computer. So I know how it feels. :/

I'm sorry about what happened, but I think you should talk to your mum. She obviously recognises that what she did was hurtful and inappropriate. I think you two need to reconcile your differences, draw a line under this and move on. Hopefully the rest of your family will be a little more careful with what they say, whether they're drunk or sober.

Feel free to write to me if you need to.

All the best.

 

seeksanctuary: You're absolutely right. There are some pretty bad parents out there. I should have said that most parents want what's best for there kids. It goes to their motivation and not their actions. My mother does things that are hurtful to me, but I know that her motivation is genuine.
Tracker

 

What your mom did was unfair. She should have discussed how you felt before telling other family members. (*hug*)

That being said, I think I'd prefer your situation to her trying to throw me back in the closet and lock me in =/

 

My mom did too a little bit, not that many people, but to several, including my dad. It's very weird and awkward for awhile. You weren't the one that said it so its unspoken and becomes the elephant in the room for awhile. Don't forget though that that's coming from your perspective. You're sexuality isn't on everyone else's thoughts. So just try to act normal, be a little proud and carry yourself with confidence. It will blend in to the wood work soon. Fake it until you make it, or whatever.

 

Mums do this I think.. my mum likes a drink or 5 too and for ages she was referring to me as her 'Gay Son' to everyone she met.. Was pretty awkward. It is there way of dealing with accepting you I think. Sorry it happened to you, but really, over time it will become less important and you will become more comfortable in your new shoes as a gay dude. . You should forgive her, but what I said to my mum is yes, I'm your gay son, but why can't I just be your son fullstop. Being gay is only a small part of who I am.

 

This same thing happened to me when I first came out. I was something like 14 years old and I told my mother. She took it extremely well, and supported me always. I always say it was an issue only to me, because it was really painful for me to accept my own homosexuality. Ironically, when I came out no one seemed to have a problem... but that's another story.

When I told my mom that I was gay, she told my father and my siblings and my aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and (why not?) her coworkers wo didn't know me, too. All this without even asking me how I felt of everybody knowing (well she was really happy to have a gay son, REALLY VERY HAPPY).

It pissed me out, even though she told everyone because she knew nobody would care and that they'd accept me and such, I felt like she had violated my space, my discretion, my secret and my trust. I felt for a long time that I couldn't trust my mother with anything because she would make a press about it.

I was in my own right to be mad at her, but then I understood that being gay is as big an issue to oneself as it is to that person's mother.

You're not overreacting, and I agree that it's not our mother's secret to say. But it is a struggle for everybody, so if your mother needed venting, try to unserstand it.

Cheers!

 

My mum literally just did the same thing to me but in front of my Grandma this evening. I'm kinda angry. She had no right to do that for me. But I think imma have to explain to her....