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Coming out pause

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Daisy1, Dec 11, 2011.

  1. Daisy1

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    I've been on a roll in terms of coming out over the last month. I told my bf I was gay, came out to 5 others, and started dating girls. All of a sudden, though, I feel the need to hit the breaks. I'm afraid of my entire school finding out because it's really gossipy and I think I'll be judged for dating my bf and coming out so late. It's a really open place, but even they idea of people asking me if I'm gay is overwhelming.

    So, I'm wondering if anyone else has felt this need to pause their coming out process, and if you have any advice on moving forward.

    Thanks!
     
  2. Veronica

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    Oh, definitely.

    I'm actually dodging the coming directly out bit by letting people talk. Make them figure it out on their own. I have a few friends who do know though, because I've told them. But as it doesn't affect my dating preferences, it's not that important to come out. Not that I care too much about dating at the moment anyway.
     
  3. Katelynn

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    Yeah, Im doing the same thing right now too & taking a break from coming out a bit. Since I came out at the end of June, Ive come out to over 8o people now (I think the official total is 87 now, yep Im that anal retentive & keep track!), but I am going to wait until after the holidays to come out to the rest of my family, since Id rather this not be what they remember ever Christmas season. More to the point, if it goes badly with my family, Id rather not remember it every Christmas season. Still, Ive been like going at light speed with this to give people as much time a possible to adjust to the idea of me transitioning from male to female, so that when the hormones start doing their thing & I really start to change physically, people will know why. Ill tell the rest of my family about being gay afterwards, since it may be hard for some or all of them to get their head around me being a lesbian with a male body at the moment. Hoping it goes well, but who can tell about these things sometimes?
     
  4. silverhalo

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    I think its very common and I still go through it now, I think often it takes ages to come to terms with your sexuality yourself and then when you finally manage all that and come out to the first person it can be such a relief and if you get a positive reaction it can almost give you a buzz which I think can then lead to a boost in confidence and the desire to do it again and then I think you get to a point where you are like woah hold on lets not let this get out of control.

    I think its perfectly normal.
     
  5. J Snow

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    This happened for me too. In fact, after telling only like 5 friends... it reached the point where every person I told, had already heard from someone else, anyway. I guess I really haven't had to come out to any friends in a long time. More like I either just confirm what they already pretty much know, or I just sit there awkwardly aware that they know but neither of us have ever openly talked about it >.<
     
  6. PerfectInsanity

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    After first coming out to my best friend and my parents back in June, I was on a pretty good roll telling friends and family myself, along with them helping getting the word out. During my school's coming out week in October I came out to 8 people and the rapidity of that put me in a bit of a weird funk where I basically just felt numb. Especially at the beginning of that week I told three friends in quick succession (within minutes of each other), which was quite a change from the days or weeks it had been between telling the previous people. After that week I definitely needed a break to recharge my batteries and process what had happened.

    It's definitely normal to need that time to acclimate. After being closeted and no one else but yourself knowing this very personal information about you, it is quite a change when people start finding out left and right.

    Congrats on your progress so far!