OK bit of a rant and I doubt any of you will even bother reading it but I've been feeling really bad and as I have no one to talk to about it I just decided to post it here. Be warned it is lined with self-pity/loathing, Love you guys Honestly as Birthdays go this ones been pretty crappy. Last night I had a few friends over for some drinks and fun and well one of my friends she had a bit too much to drink and ended up being sick everywhere in addition to spilling out all her secrets. It was looking to be a really good night but one person always gets too drunk and ruins it don't they? She also went off on one about her ex and considering I have a massive crush on him knowing that he has a massive P***s is something that makes me feel even worse about myself because he is literally perfect in every way unlike me who is some pasty, flabby loser with a face only a mother could love, haha well not my mother anyway. Living in the closet is also pretty crappy, I am finding that it is preventing me from really making any male friends because as it always does with straight guys the conversation turns to girls which makes me feel unimaginably awkward. The funny thing is most of the time I prefer the company of guys... well the ones I'm not attracted to anyway there so much less bitchy than MOST girls. The thing I like the most about my friends who are girls is that they talk about guys which you know even though I can't put in any input it is nice to listen to. Being in the closet is slowly ruining my life and my parents aren't any help we don't talk about it. On a SLIGHTLY more positive note my best guy friend has pretty much admitted to being bisexual or a least on the gay side of straight so I guess if I do ever find the courage to come out to him he'll be ok with it but I doubt I'll manage it. I hate school also the fact that I struggle to show even a little interest in girls means that most people think I'm gay plus I'm not the most manly man in the world! I want to come out I really really do it's just most of my classes are full of straight guys who I know will take the piss every day so I just can't really deal with it. All anyone can talk about is sex this, sex that and it just makes me so frustrated everyone is off having relationships and there I am a lonely virgin who's never been and probably never will be kissed. Although I will be able to drive now (!)
Well, first of all... Happy birthday!! (!) Sorry it turned out to be a crappy one but as far as birthdays go, you will have plenty more left to make them all the better. And you're right being in the closet blows :/ but you've already told your parents now which to me, seems like one of the most difficult parts! Do you have any one friend that you can trust and who is willing to keep your secret? I think if you can tell at least one person, it might help ease you fears about coming out to other people. You've already said that you're ready, it's now a matter of conquering your fears. Also, if the person you tell isn't that much surprised, then it could be a hint that people already know and they don't care much about whether you're gay. You've already said that people think you're gay and if they haven't treated you differently so far, then you might be just fine. This isn't to say that people won't treat you differently after you truly come out. If you feel that the school you're in is very homophobic or dangerous, then I would suggest waiting it out until you're done with school. In the end it's up to you. As to how to go about dating or not feeling left out without telling your friends that you're gay... I honestly don't know how you can do that. It's very hard (trust me I know!) so it doesn't leave you with many options. Anyways, hoped that helped! And sorry about your birthday(*hug*)
Thanks for the response a lot of good advice there and I think that soon I am going to come out to my friend, I have to or I'm going to go nuts. And as for my parents they know but as for acceptance, but after 7 months of coming out my mum just asked to invite one of my female friends over so yeh it'll be a while :/
Happy birthday Sorry you're so miserable. I haven't come out to mine yet but I know how apprehensive I am about the prospect of it. I can't stand the thought of it but it will get to a point where I can't live a lie with them anymore and will have to tell them. Congrats on coming out to yours even if it went badly- I'm happy you worked up that courage. I hate living a lie at school, at home, everywhere basically. I'm so closeted and its so frustrating. So I totally sympathise with you even if I can't help you (*hug*)
Happy Birthday! I think you might be my twin brother my situation is the exact same! It kinda sucks seeing everybody looking so perfect and happy together. But I think it will get better the right person is out there for you!
Haha yeh sorry I was such a downer but I was in a really miserable place last night. Telling my parents was probably the hardest thing I've ever done and now we don't really talk about anything but I'm pretty much done with them anyway and I really hope there is a person out there for me, I doubt I'll be finding him any time soon though
I bet it was hard, I havent worked up the courage yet. If you ever want to talk, let me know. It helps having people you own age to talk to
Don't worry, there is a guy out there you. And if you really want to come out to your friend, from the sound of it , he will accept you. And as for the people a your school, don't compare yourself to them, alot of the ones bragging about their love lives are lying anyway, I was like that when I was in high school. Take comfort in the fact that some of them are gay to, it may not seem like it but we are everywhere, so your not alone.
