Hello everyone, first time poster, long time reader. First off, nobody thinks he's gay -- he's in one of my university electives. The first time I saw him I thought: "beautiful, but straight." After our first class, while leaving campus, he approached me and we started talking. He brought up jazz music, because I had mentioned my love of jazz in class discussion, and asked me to describe my musical tastes. He seemed genuinely interested in my tastes, which range from jazz to pop to avant garde to classical, despite him being a self described metal head with few interests outside of that. In later classes, I caught him on several occasions staring at me across class, where he then quickly looked away; he would also try to spark conversations, try to get in proximity of me. His conversation starters were everything and anything in between -- it seemed like anything he said was just to get me to talk. He was extremely friendly, very smiley and a total ham. And seemingly completely unashamed of his interest in me, despite his closeted status. I have occasionally entertained the idea that he's straight, but inevitably dismiss it: the way he looks at me (big, googley eyes which he would hold with mine as long as socially acceptable; I've never been looked at like this before), the fact that he was at every social event of the semester where I was supposed to show up, his unerring interest in my interests. But I blew him off. He always respected my boundaries, which I non-verbally laid out very clearly. I was colder than I should have been -- I thought a relationship could never work. But now, some months later (last time I saw him was in September), I find myself with such deep regret. He was beautiful (stress beautiful), kind, hilarious, interesting and interested. Anyway, he's going to be at the same Christmas party this year, in about a week, and, well, I want to make friends with him and treat him the way I should have in the first place, but I'm not sure how to do it in a non weird manner. He's closeted, and there's going to be plenty of people around, so I don't want to straight up walk up to him and start hitting on him. I have to be sensitive to that issue. I just want him to know that Im a friend and take it from there. What do I do? Say? ... Could I have completely misread the issue and it turns out he's straight? He's also pretty young (19, I'm in my early 20s) . Ps. I've never been kissed or been in a relationship before. So this is new to me, but I'd like to give it a try. Thank you for any advice you have to offer.
Welcome to EC! And thanks for getting "O Superman" stuck in my head. Honestly, I don't see any reason to put the cart before the horse here. Why not just get to know him on a friend-like basis, and see what happens? Just say "Hey, haven't seen you much since class ended. How are things going?" Lex
Hey, how's it going? Yeah, I'm with Lex here. Don't be too quick. Take things easily and slowly. A relationship should be a natural extension of a deep friendship, not the other way around. Hope this helps. Dr. F.
yep yep friendship first. He seems like a nice guy tho from what you said. he doesn't sound like a jerk either. He seems sweet! GO FOR IT! ^_^ But rmbr that he may NOT be gay since he hasn't declared it, so I would suggest not totally falling ALL over him until you are 100% sure abotu his orientation. Just be cautious so that you won't get heartbroken over this if he really does turn out to be straight afterall.
If I was you I would try to be friends first and then maybe drop some hints to let him know you're available and that you like him. Like talk about certain issues that would bring it up or tell a story about it. Good luck with whatever you do!
I think its pretty much a fail that you dismissed him in the first place. Like he obviously was trying to be your friend. Being on the side hes on, closeted and crushing, it is hard business. Be kind to him and ask if he wants to go for coffee.. Never dismiss making friends.. its the best part of life!
Gee, I think you guys are right. It's so simple. I have been over thinking things, I've had all this time to ruminate. I got myself all worked up. Yeah, that's what I think now: "gosh, how could I be so cold to someone who was so nice to me? Look how he put himself out there!" Also, I don't drink coffee. I think I'll invite him to a Christmas party I'm having. He'll know only me and one other there... But I don't think he'll decline, he' very sociable, easygoing and easy to talk to. Lexington: You're welcome! Exploring/reexploring Laurie's body of work is always a great pleasure.
