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My heart hurts.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Menaki-Neko, Dec 11, 2011.

  1. Menaki-Neko

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    i can no longer come out to my mom, she doesn't like homosexuals and bisexuals. i know that my dad has always wanted my sister and i to be as normal as possible, and he also thinks that it is a choice to be gay or bi. i'm afraid of what they might do if i come out to them. i need a place to vent and tell people and get, maybe, advice on what to do. :tears:
     
  2. sometimesbetter

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    I would wait until you're on your own. Trust me. If they're ignorant of the facts, then it's better for you to wait. Because, it's likely if they're ignorant now, then they'll be ignorant when you try to come out, and they DEFINITELY won't look at the facts after that. I don't know how old you are, but I'd wait until you have ANOTHER home to be in while they're dealing with this shit. It's better that way.

    I sound like a pessimist because I just went through hell a couple of days ago, but I don't believe it gets better for many people right away. And trust me, you don't want to regress back into the closet––which is a strong possibility.
     
  3. J Snow

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    I don't know how old you are, but I agree it would likely be best to wait to come out to them until you are out on your own. My parents were not accepting and it was really hard on me at age 20.

    This in no way is stopping you from coming out to your friends though.
     
  4. sometimesbetter

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    Agreed about the friends part. But be cautious with that as well. If you don't want the word to spread, then don't tell 'em. Also, remember that your sexuality doesn't define you; your personality does. You're not you because you're gay; you're you because of the kind of person you are. Just take it slowly.
     
  5. stilllovelyafte

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    I'm sorry - Nothing to add here really except some support and compassion. I told my mom and she was great. My dad, on the other hand, I will likely go years and years without telling. Even before my birth, one of my dad's worst fears was having a gay son. Guess it's one of those things - whatever you hate most ends up in your family?
     
  6. Hana Solo

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    A (*hug*) is all I can offer you. I finally plucked up the courage to tell my dad, and he took it great, but I'm never telling my mum unless I happen to bring a girlfriend home. She's innocent like that. But if you need to tell someone, tell a trusted friend. I know the feeling of living a lie and I hate it. But sometimes its the only option we have. I know I hate school right now because I have to live a lie but there is no way I'm telling anyone there about me.
     
  7. theWorldisYours

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    It's hard to be keep a secret like this for so long, but if the consequences of coming out to your family will outweigh the benefits, then I would say wait until your no longer dependent on them.
     
  8. Doctor Faustus

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    Hi there,

    Sorry to hear about your situation. What everyone else has said pretty much sums up my thoughts. If you don't feel comfortable telling them right now, just don't tell them. Come out to those whom you can trust and feel safe in telling. When you tell those people, emphasise how difficult this process has been for you and your telling them is a mark of how highly you regard them as friends and how much you value their trust.

    Tell your parents when you're on your own, you've told other people and have established a support network of those you can rely on if it goes wrong.

    Hope this helps. (*hug*)

    Best,

    Doctor F.
     
  9. Menaki-Neko

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    It's all okay now, I completely misinterpreted what my mom thought about gays and bisexuals. She doesn't even think that God meant it to be a sin.
     
  10. Hana Solo

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    Thats so good! I'm so glad for you :slight_smile: