My coming out opportunity is going to start in 4 days (I'll have 10 days to do it, if I get the chance in that amount of time) but I'm afraid I will wimp out, even as I think about it while typing this my hands are shaking. How do I stay calm about this?
WHOA. That's big, big, big news. First of all, you have to ask yourself: Are you sure it's necessary to come out now? If the answer is yes, then I wish you all the best! Secondly, I'm surprised your hands are only shaking LOL. I was getting panic attacks the whole week last week, and I felt like I was gonna die. But I'm sure you'll feel the same way once you approach the date . This was meant to reassure you that it feels 100x better when it's out in the air. Remember: It's supposed to be bad before it becomes good. And, it's not gonna be peachy all the time, even when you come out. You'll feel like it's going well, and then something else will happen (trust me). What I'm trying to say is that if it feels right, then do it, and don't regret it for a single moment. This is one of the biggest things in your life, but it's not the only big thing in your life. Capiche? Thirdly, just do something to calm yourself. Take deep breaths. Think about a single, calming word. Learn to compartmentalize, so you only have to think about this when it's necessary to. Fourthly, I'm just curious (and you don't have to answer it, if you don't want to), but who are you coming out to? How are they like? How do you think they'll react? How do you think you'll react to their reaction?
I'm coming out to my brother, I'm sure it will be a shock to him, but as far as I know he really doesn't have a problem with homosexuality, I think I'm really just scared that hings will change between us.
Things will definitely change, but it doesn't mean things have to change for the worst. How old's your brother, by the way? My sister, while she's been supportive, is still telling me to keep an open mind on sexuality. Which makes sense. I've never been with anyone, so she thinks there's a possibility to change myself (like it's a choice, but meh). She's okay with me being gay, but she'd rather me not be gay because "she never expected that in this family". Who actually expects it -_-? I don't know how things are between you and you brother, but they'll be different for a while. Lots of questions will be asked, and lots of anger will be projected. Just remember (I read this somewhere else): It took you several years to grasp your sexuality, it'll take your family (if they never expected it) twice as long or even longer or FOREVER. As daunting as that sounds, you just have to be patient (something I'm still learning the hard way LOL).
My brother is 25, four years older than me. I'm might be worrying about nothing, my dad's cousin is gay and fits every stereotype there is, but my family accept him, my brother is, or I should say was (just got engaged) your typical ladies man, I can't count how many girls he has been with. But he has always been there for me, I'm just scared because I've read stories of people who were fine with it, but once there child or sibling says they are gay that changes and things go terribly wrong.
You are a little short on info but when I came out to my friends (one at a time) I was really nerves but I would do stuff that I liked to do or just distract myself to calm down. But for me it was a great relief after I did it. I hope this helps.
Things will be different for a wee bit (but looking at your family, I don't think that should be for long), but I think they'll be over it in a pretty short while. Siblings have this tendency to just be okay and be supportive. I don't know why, but they do. And if they're okay, then the parents tend to be okay, as well.
Actually that's another part of this, I'm not ready for my parents or anyone else for that matter, to know yet. I'm afraid to lay this burden on my brother in asking him not to tell anyone else. Granted I know some things about him that I will never tell anyone, but I'm not going to play that card while doing this, that just seems wrong.
I asked my sister how she would have felt if I'd have told her before I told my parents. She said that she would have helped me out, but she couldn't have kept it in for any longer. Our family doesn't keep any secrets from each other (no matter how trivial it is), so I understood where she was coming from. But, you never know how your brother might react. He's older and more mature than my sister is. He probably already knows, for all you know. And if you don't feel comfortable telling him, then tell a friend instead.
I don't think I will ever feel comfortable telling anyone, but I trust him more than anyone. There is a saying that comes to mind right now about siblings, it says: they are your first roommate, first playmate, and first friend. That is really how I feel about him. But I might not get the opportunity to do this, he and his fiance moved to Arizona for there jobs an they have been gone since July, so when he gets home he will be with her family, my family, and he will have to go and catch up with his friends. So with all of that happening I probably won't get the chance to talk with him alone.
Sounds like I'm a little new to your situation, but I just wanted to wish you luck on coming out. I don't think you're "laying a burden on him, exactly. You're sharing something about yourself that you'd just rather other people not know, much as he's done with you (though maybe on a slightly different level). Nothing wrong with that. The one thing I've learned over time is that, when coming out to people, it's nearly impossible to predict their reactions - this has a lot to do with the simple fact that it's hard to know what a person's really thinking, but also that our own fears about coming out cloud our judgment when we do try to guess what someone else thinks about it. So, take your best-case scenario, and your worst-case scenario - it's likely that neither of those will happen. Which can be a comforting thought, in a way. Ten to one you'll have something positive to build on.
Jumping in on this thread a bit late. I want to share a few thoughts based on my own f-ed up personal experience. Again, I don't know the details of your life, but solely based on my experiences... First, while there is a "risk" involved, have faith in your brother. In telling my mom, I worried, was it fair to make her keep this secret? Would she tell my dad/sister/brother? How could she keep this to herself. When she saw my face and the emotions involved, those concerns washed away. She knew I agonized with this for a long time. She made clear she could handle keeping this to herself, especially after me shouldering this myself for so long. Again, not a representative sample, but a family member can keep an important secret for you if you are close enough and stress the importance of discretion. I also worried about my relationship with mom changing. Thus far, it's only changed for the better. She's relieved to know what's up. She is able to give me advise (something not possible when she didn't know what's up). And we've reverted, at this point, to our normal chit chat, etc. Also, though I need to credit one advisor for this, I think you need a little (VERY little) push in the back here. IF you've made the decision you want to tell him, do it. We're all here behind you to support you. When you are deciding whether to open up to him, remember, there is a mini-army of virtual friends here to support you in the unlikely event it doesn't go as planned. You can do this. We all can do this.
I agree with all the posts beforehand. We're here for you. And you really can't predict what could happen. If you have this gut-wrenching feeling that you should do it, then do it!
Thanks for the support, these posts are the closest I've ever been to coming out, it's nice to be in a place were no one judges you. I really want to do this, and I hope I'll be able to when I get the chance. If you have anymore advice I'd love to hear it
Be sure that you are. I don't know about your brother, but I was questioned to no end. And there were many tears and lots and lots of anger. And my coming out was a three-day process. With my family, I'll probably be defending my sexuality for the rest of my life. So, be sure, and be REALLY confident. But, at the same time, be happy! You're finally coming out. And that, in itself, is a great feeling.
Thanks sometimesbetter, you have really helped me out here, my hands aren't shaking anymore. I'd love to keep talking but I need to get to sleep, if you ever need to talk about anything I'll do my best to return the favor and help you, Thanks again
I'm quite a bit late here, and it seems like you're good now. My sister found out I was bi because of I story I had written while using her laptop over the summer. I used her email to send it to myself because I didn't have an cds or anything to burn it too. In any case, my sister took me being bi well. I have a gay cousin, and it was pretty nice to hear that my mother went to him for advice when I told her. That's just my little story. Don't know if it really helped, but I figured I'd post it anyway.
