Right off the bat i would love to be in a relationship with a guy. Hell, i even prefer it over a girl but i keep second guessing myself. "what if i just think i'm gay" i ask myself that nearly every day. I've taken like 5 tests online and they always come up with gay or bi with a preference towards guys. I don't know, maybe i just need to get more comfortable with my sexuality. I get turned on by both men and women but part of the reason that i think i'm turned on by women is because since birth i've been told that if i want to fall in love or get laid it needs to be with a girl, so i think i just "learned" to like girls. I'm not a masculine person either, i have both ears pierced and i tend to be more feminine on an emotional level. I've been struggling with depression recently too, i bottle up my emotions and then when i least expect it they all come rushing out in one huge burst. I've also had alot of problems in this last month, my parents kicked me out, my dad beat the hell out of me, my dog was attacked and nearly died, i have to get my financial aid for college sorted out, i need to find a steady job, i'm stuck living at my grandma's house in the middle of nowhere so i'm almost completely cut off from society, i just had a horrible battle with poison ivy and i'm still afraid to wear any of my clothes because i'm paranoid that there might be some urushiol left on them, and i have a driving test tomorrow. At the moment i just feel like there's way too much on my plate to handle.
I'm really sorry to hear all of that happened, man. If you use it though, channel it, your greatest tragedies can become your greatest triumphs. It just depends on how you deal with it. I'm basically saying the future is still up to you. As for what you might be... 1) How exactly do girls turn you on? Just like pieces of art / appreciation or like you just want to strip them naked and go all cave man style on them, lol? If you don't think that way towards girls, sex sex sex, what about towards guys? 2) When you masturbate who do you automatically think of or think of most? 3) When out and about do guys or girls catch your attention more, most of the time? 4) Do you have female crushes? Male crushes? Which one was stronger or were they relatively the same? I'm a bi guy. I lean more towards girls. I have urges to make out with dudes and chicks who I think are hot. When I masturbate, sometimes I think of guys first (rare, but it does happen), but it always goes back to girls to really get me off. I dream about both, like romantically and sexually. My eyes dart around to both, but definitely girls a lot more. Both male and female crushes are around the same.
I've had maybe 3 crushes on girls when i was in high school but i've had at least 6 or 7 on other guys, and when they would talk to me i would blush and get nervous. The girls i usually liked were the ones that were more tomboyish, had their hair cut short and dressed in stuff like baggy jeans and men's tees. Also, when i think of myself in a relationship with a girl it just feels incomplete, like something's missing.
For some reason I catch myself looking at girls butts all the time. I'm not sure if it's just force of habit or what. The thought of having sex with a girl, with my penis, grosses me out to no end though. aaacccckkkk!!! On the other hand, I don't check out guys very often in public but the thought of, pardon my french, getting effed by some guy is like AMAZING. God I need to get laid lol SO, in that regard, I think sexuality is complicated and different for everyone. Just be patient with yourself and if you like something, don't hate yourself for liking it, and if you dislike something don't hate yourself for disliking it. There were times with my ex-gf that I actually wanted to have sex with her. I have alwasy had a very healthy libido. but it was alwasy dissatisfactory and I felt really gross about my body during and after. For a long time I felt really confused about it all, but looking back it seems pretty obvious that it just wasn't right. There were many many times especially early on in our relationship where things just ... didnt work lol ... and looking back it makes a lot of sense. Sex with guys though ... well ... yeah ... AMAZING lol Most people are Bi anyways, with preferences for certain sexes or positions or fetishes or whatever. Everyone has their own favorite flavors, you know?
I remember the first (and last) time I had sex with a girl, I absolutely hated it. Something about it just grossed me out, I like to look but not touch.
I've had this same problem. For right now you should consider yourself Bi since you like both. I don't get why we need labels anyway? Love is love. Attraction is attraction. You can't help who your mind tells you to like and you can't help who your heart tells you to love. End of story. Also, sorry to hear all that's happened to you. I know it sucks, I've been there.
Actually, from everything you said I don't think you are bi. And there's no way you could be straight. You're definitely leaning a lot more towards guys. That's seen in just crushes alone. But the thing that's the main indicator is sex with girls or even thinking about it just freaks you the heck out. In order to be bi, you've gotta be open or at least fantasizing about sex with both guys and girls. Other guys I've talked to who are at the opposite end of the spectrum, bi guys who like guys a lot more, have stated that they've had sex with girls and liked it a lot - just not as much as with guys. To the point that they just call themselves gay. A really flamboyant gay guy, who you'd never guess ever have sex with a girl, admitted to it and while he didn't say he liked it he said it was very neutral to him. No big deal either way. So that fact that you "freak out" with girls and sex - points to you being gay.
Yeah when I lost my viriginity it was lackluster to say the least. And the next 4 time I had sex were just as terrible. Then I had sex with a guy and discovered how good sex can be. lol
