Hiya! Okay, I have not posted here in a looooong time. Mostly just have been reading for, well, months. (You know, college and all that.) ANYWAY! To the point. I am finally comfortable with the fact I'm gay. I am not terribly afraid of the people around me judging me, I am not worried about becoming a different person because of admitting it, I am not stopping myself from talking about it when it is relevant... (here it comes) BUT, I am still completely lacking the confidence to act on my feelings. I will attempt to clarify this briefly (Like that will happen :dry: ) When I came out of the closet, I weighed 365 lbs. To me, it didn't matter WHAT gender I was attracted too, I knew dating was not anything in my immediate future, and that because I didn't find myself attractive, and therefore did not want to even contemplate dating until it was resolved. It was easy to accept I wasn't dating, because I really did not want to date while I looked like that. ***FAST-FORWARD!!! (Skipping a TON of stuff that I might make a thread about later if I can't resolve it on my own... I am trying to make my presence here as discrete as possible)*** I have lost 85 lbs since February of this year. I plan to continue with this trend, and if all goes well, I should be a healthy weight by the end of summer. The thing is, despite every change I am have... I still feel like I am that huge guy walking down the street who will be forever alone... I don't know what it is, but I am still really depressed about it all. I have been working so hard and have done so much to get where I am now, and in the mirror, I can honestly say it's not so bad (getting better day by day), but as soon as I walk away from it, I feel like it's all back and I can't picture anybody wanting me. :bang: It's getting frustrating because, well, I have let a few crushes slip by because I won't let myself express an interest. I'm so afraid of rejection that it's easier for me to watch them find somebody else and tell myself it was going to happen anyway. Has anybody else had this sort of feeling? And if so, do you have any advice for how I can snap myself out of it? I would REALLY like to go on a date at some point before I graduate college.... And I know a HUGE part is me stopping myself. Okay, if this seems like a dumb topic, just let it slide over to page 20 or something and be forgotten forever. ThankyouIappreciateyourhelpgoodbye
Definitely have had this feeling, but for different reasons. I thought I was too ugly due to scars on my arms. That and my emotional state is very rebellious due to the past and the questioning of my gender. The scar thing may not make total sense, but...I felt people would be repulsed because of it. And who wants to deal with someone who has a hard time controlling their emotions? And why would someone want to get with a person who is unsure of their gender? (I was a born a girl, but I don't feel I'm a girl OR boy. I'm not even explaining it right). The way I got over it is by thinking that there is no way that everyone on the earth is going to think badly of me; there is at least one person I know (besides family) that cares deeply for me despite all the things I felt were wrong with me; stuff will fall into place eventually....and all that other mushy stuff. But one thing that actually helped a little was my older brother's demand that I look in the mirror, look myself straight in the eye, and tell myself that I am awesome. But I would change it sometimes to naming something that I liked about myself, but that was after my confidence was boosted. It wasn't the one thing that changed my view of myself, but it helped in a small way. I hope this gave you ideas or something. And you know...if it makes you feel any better, you're doing a whole lot better than my oldest brother (not the one demanded doing the mirror thing). I don't say it to be mean, but he has an issue with his weight because of some decisions he's made. Apparently he's making changes and doing better.
Congratulations on the weight loss! That is amazing! It takes alot of strength and dedication to do what your doing! There is so much more to you than your body though! You are an amazing person and there is no reason you can't have whoever you want! If you show confidence in yourself, others will see that. Show that you love yourself and they will too!
we get used to the old feels, and oddly we miss them when they're gone. Chnage is something we have to get used to, even if it's a good one. Give it time and you'll adjust.
