So I'm dating a girl, who Ive been with for 2.5 years now. Ive gone over this elsewhere, but essentially despite getting along awesome and being best friends, I'm no longer interested in the relationship. Whether or not it has to do with orientation Im still figuring out, but I currently have a definite desire to date guys, since Ive not yet had the opportunity. Anyways, I basically know we're breaking up. I guess Ideally I'd prefer to go on a break, maybe try dating some guys and just having some time apart and see if I get over it. If the relationship could be preserved, this is the only way I can imagine, but its doubtful. Now I really dont want to end it just before xmas like this, and ruin her holiday. We're both getting home from school this weekend, so we'll be together more. She's know there are problems (and that I like boys) but I dont know if she knows how serious, so its something well have to talk about. I guess I'm confused whether its dishonest of me to just wait until after xmas to break up. I dont want to hurt her more than necessary, but is it wrong of me to just let things sit for a couple weeks until its a better time, knowing all the while that I want to end it? I'm trying to balance between openness and preserving her feelings right now, and having a bit of a hard time of it. :/
You should definitely wait until after Christmas and New Year's to break it to her. It's less than two weeks away. You can wait that long. Because, if she really takes the news hard, you're going to be 'that guy' that dumped her at Christmas. I wouldn't want that to happen to me, and I think we all deserve better than that.
I'm struggling with this too. Really bad. Basically I find boys a major turn off and my MtF girlfriend is fully male physically and I can't really think of touching her. I love her and don't want to hurt her but I can't get enthusiastic about this relationship anymore and she deserves way way better. If I can't get excited about it she deserves someone who will and I don't want to deprive her of the chance to find that. We've been dating 5 and a half months now.
will it do you more harm to continue it or her more harm if you end it? you never know she might suspect that something is seriously wrong!
It sucks more during the holidays. I ended a relationship around this time last year. Wait if you can.
I definitely have no problem with waiting, as far as my own interest goes. The next couple weeks will be a little awkward either way, but it isnt like I have guys throwing themselves at my attention trying to tempt me away. Mostly I was just concenred that if I wait, Id be doing something dishonest, and I really dont want that. Her other major relationship ended with the guy just avoiding her for a month, then cheating on her with oneof her friends, having never actually ended it. So she's a bit touchy about that sort of thing, and I dont want her to feel like shes been tricked the past few weeks or months after she finds out.
It's a little dishonest, but at the same time, your reasoning for waiting is so that she has a better holiday. Under those circumstances, I think that waiting is a reasonable choice. I'd just try to be cautious to avoid being any more disingenuous as far as the future or doing anything to lead her on that things are great, if that makes sense.
That's a really tough one. I think it comes down to how she usually takes bad news and how she has handled situations in the past. Since you guys have been dating for so long, you should be able to have a feeling of what she would want you to do. I'm going to go against what the majority here have said because I hate, hate when people lie to me. I rather you brake up with me a day before christmas than lying to me through two major events and having to act like you still love/like me that way. Pretty much, if i was her, I would feel like the time I spent with you was all I lie and an act. That alone would piss me off more than anything else. Not to mention that a break up after the holidays would feel so out of nowhere. But, like I said, its all up to the other person and how they are like. Other times you also have to keep yourself in mind. I personally wouldn't be able to hug, kiss or be lovey with a person I know I don't want to be with. Best of luck with whatever you decide. It isn't an easy decision at all.
OK, so I spent the day with her yesterday. I told her the way I feel about the relationship hadnt gotten better, and that if it didnt change the relationship wouldnt work out. I dont know if this was just as bad as breaking up plus dragging it out or something like that, but this seemed like the minimum requirement that I had to tell her to be open and honest. I didnt want to make her think things were fine before xmas and break up right after or anything like that. She was almost completely non-responsive. She never lets on that something bothers her until she cant help but break down crying an hour later... Which luckily didnt happen this time, at least. I asked her if this all bothered her/how she felt about all this. She was quiet for about 2 minutes, then said when something upsets her, she just sort of pushes it away for a while. So thats where we are right now. Our mutual best friend called me just now and told me a little of what my girlfriend is feeling that she couldnt say to me in person. Apparently she was dying for physical affection the whole time (I hugged/held her some, kissed her a couple times, but much less than usual for us) which I hadnt even thought all that much about. Also she seemed to think I was grumpy/in a bad mood the whole time, although I genuinely still have fun hanging out with her, just more in a friend way than a relationship way. I'll probly only see her one other time before xmas (because of her work schedule). I have no idea how to act now. Shes aware things could be ending. My plan is that sometime after xmas Ill tell her things arent working, and if she wants theres a possibility that taking a break will help me sort things out, but if shed prefer to end it and stop the drama, well just break up. The break part is completely true, and Ill be honest with her that the chances of it working are probably low. I really do wish this relationship would work again, and I think its possible that if I have some time off, maybe to date or even just flirt with guys some, Ill either get over my desire to be with guys (not "turn straight" but get the homosexually-curious side of my bisexuality satisfied) or realize what Im missing and be happy with what we had again. The chances are low, but if it worked it would be worth it. I have no idea if this is a good plan, and if so, how I should act towards her until this happens for real. This is the messiest situation Ive ever been in Help?
I agree... if you do it before Christmas, you'll BOTH have a crappy holiday. I'd wait if you can. Also, I'd just like to commend you for your strength to end it and go after what makes you happy. It is NOT easy, by any means. My first relationship was with this really great guy... we dated for just over 2.5 years, and I started to realize that I just wasn't into it. I mean, after 2.5 years, I still wasn't comfortable with the idea of having sex, and he rarely got me in the mood. I just started hating everything about the relationship, except my boyfriend himself. So I broke up with him (hardest thing I've ever had to do) and a year later, started dating a woman, who I'm still with today. And I'm sooo much happier now. And you will be too. It's gonna be tough ending a long relationship, but it's best for both of you in the end. Hang in there, I believe in you! If you're in need of some moral support or words of advice, don't hesitate to give me a shout. Kudos to you and your bravery.
Aww, thanks so much everyone whose posted in here Its so great that theres a place like this out there, haha! I don't know where Id be without having someplace where I can find people who've "been there" to ask about these things. You guys are amazing! (&&&)
