Some of you may have read a post by me a while ago about coming out to my friend. Just to refresh, Marco was a friend of my brother but they've since stopped hanging out. I see Marco almost every day - sometimes we text each other most of the day then hang out. That kind of thing. I'm apprehensive about coming out to him partially because I've never had a friend like him, and I don't know how he'll react. Most of Marco's friends are Latino guys (which, culturally and in my experience, often carries a stigma against gays). I've heard of them talk about gays using labels like "the guy was a homo" but nothing too disparaging to suggest they're hateful of gays. They make "average" gay jokes like many males do. He goes out to clubs on the weekends, and as far as I know, hooks up with girls during such outings. As far as he goes personally, he told me a story one time about how a girl invited him over a house she was watching, and he described the people living there as a "couple of homos" and we had a laugh about it considering there were a few sex toys in the open. But even his use of that term makes me think he's not necessarily receptive to gays. But then there are the things that think he may be receptive, or may be gay or bi himself. He complains a lot to me about his overbearing mom and described her as closed-minded. One of the ways he considered her closed minded is her hatred of gays (among other reasons - that's the one that stuck with me). My brother told me one of his friends came out to him as bisexual and that it would be messed up for him to tell me who it was. Marco said something that could be taken as "gay" in a joke once - his friend turned to his cousin and said something like, "can't help it if your cousin is bi." I mentioned how Congresswoman Bachmann believes in "pray the gay away" and he asked immediately if that works (although in a joking manner, so I don't know how to take it). My problem boils down to this: I want to come out to him. If he's straight, he's a great friend and I feel dishonest not saying anything about it (though he doesn't really ask me about girls so I take it he already suspects). However, despite how open minded I've noticed him to be, I don't want him to be creeped out or feel like any of the jokes we make together turn suddenly sexual due to the fact that I'm gay and he's not. He's understanding, but I'm worried about the stigma of having a gay friend getting to him. If he's gay, which I partially suspect, he could probably be the best friend I've ever had. We think alike on many levels and knowing this fact about each other could elevate our friendship (not necessarily in a sexual or romantic nature). What's a good way to "break it" to him if I'm unsure in these ways? How would you guys go about saying it. It bothers me more and more every time I see him that he doesn't know, but I don't want to drive him away.
You kinda just needta say it. There's no easy way, but do it alone and irl. I did it and my best mate was just like "Cool story". You're not guaranteed to get the same reaction, but at least you're more in control of the situation than if you texted/im'ed him; it could be around before you could truly gauge what he thought of it, and you explaining it.
Well, been there done that. Yup, I know a dude, he's my really close friend, we make jokes about gay all the time, 4 months ago I accepted that I'm bi (or gay maybe dunno), the first person I came out was a girl ( you know girls take these things easier than guys, and they also support you all they can ), so I asked her "How should I come out to this kid, he obviously is straight ?", but she is sort of a tomboy and what I got was: " Just freakin go and tell him"... What I did, I went to hang out with him, randomly came up with gay topic " How can these people hate gay, they're human like us, dude what do you think ?" he said he's alright with them, by the chance I go "Then, hey guess what? I'm gay xD". He was kinda surprised but he took it well, I guess this way would work for you, just come up with something about homo' stuffs eventually and ask him for his opinion, if he will be fine then come out to him .
I think the opinion idea could definately work too! However you do it will be kinda awkward for you cause you're scared of the reaction, just don't run away like I did when I told my best friend at the time, that was just a bad reaction on my part tbh! She was totally fine with it and it turned out in the end that she's gay or bi. But this isn't about me so just do whatever feels right at the time, go with the flow . . . and don't run away! keep us posted!
That's cute, but you should've stayed, the girl on my post is bi, she came out to me after I told her bout my orientation. She even kept me listening to her bi story for hours xD she was really hyper :roflmao: (well run away is still a good idea if you are a boy in this situation lol)
in these cases the bottom line is you are unsure of the reaction your friend will have and you're not really that sure of yourself either in terms of beign confident enough to just say it. so in these cases i recommend a "going fishing" approach. give him just enough bait to get on the hook but if the crap gets too uncomfortable for you, just cut the line" for instance, the next time something gay comes up, and he says something to teh effect of homo this or that or askign about somethign gay, then you could say, "what would you do if you found out one your closests family members was gay?" his response to this will be very telling. and you can judge your level of being comfortable to come out to him based on what he says. i suggest saying family memeber because if you say friends, his question may be "so are you trying to tell me you're a homo?" you may not be ready to answer this questions, so saying family puts you out of the realm. also, some people say homo but its negative but they do not mean anything really viscious about it. it is not appropriate but some people htat are bi or closeted have to use it to make themselves feel different from the sterotypical gays. in their mind a "homo" is someone who is purely gay and acts like people on tv. but all the while marco could have feelings for guys but since he acts not like the negative sterotype, he is not a "homo" in his mind. you get what im saying. i had a "friend" once that that was realliy cool but they gay bashed a lot. the weird thing was that on several occassions i felt a vibe from them that seemed like they may have been interested in the very thing they were bashing. i was not interested in them so i never pursued it and i eventually cut off the friendship. if someone is making you feel bad about yourself whether they know it or not, then i say leave them alone.
