So I'm a lesbian. And my girlfriend is MtF but I can't stand her male body and am finding it really hard to consider physical contact with her. So I told my school chaplain, the only one who knows about both me and my gf at school, but only got religious claptrap about man and woman. And I'm really pissed now because if God didn't mean me to have these feelings he would take them away. I've prayed for it. Oh I've prayed for it. They haven't gone away. And I love God, I need God, I'd have killed myself years ago without God- but I don't know what to think now because I need God and all this claptrap is pissing me off. I know He loves me no matter what. I know that. Because I can feel him with me. But I feel like a terrible girlfriend because I can't think about my gf without being disgusted as she has a male body and I'm getting confused about what I'm feeling...
First, I've always heard that God is about love. I simply do not believe those who say God is about conditional love...or only of love between this kind of person and this kind of person. That speaks of *their* bigotry and biases; not God's. Second, if you are lesbian, or close to it, then it makes perfect sense that you would find a male body unattractive. It doesn't mean you find the *person* unattractive...we love souls; but to have sex, we have to interface with our bodies. There is no contradiction here for you. You love the person, but you find their body unattractive. This happens with lots of people without trans partners...you might love a person, but they have physical features that are *really* unattractive to you. The relevant questions are: how important is it to you? Can you learn to appreciate it? How likely is it to change? And if so, can you deal in the meantime? People answer those questions in all kinds of ways, and there is no judgement attached to your decisions...you can deal with what you can deal with. But don't forget that you love the person (assuming you do), and if you decide you can't deal with whatever physicality issues, you owe them a compassionate and straightforward confrontation of the truth.
Thanks Annika. I do love *her*- just not her body. She can't transition yet, not nearly, and I'll have a talk with her tomorrow when I see her to decide what to do. I know God is love, and do feel Him close to me, and I totally agree with you on that it says more about them than God when they discriminate. God has being closer to me since I've being thinking about this and making my decisions. I do not consider myself religious personally. What you said, it really helped. Thanks.
I think you problem is less about God, and more about the fact that you are a lesbian trying to come to grips with your girlfriend being in a male body. Maybe it'd help to just remind yourself that her body isn't her fault, and that she IS a woman, even if her body looks male?
