Hey EC! So, a few weeks ago, I came out to the last person I came out to. She was awesome about it, and she's actually a Community Advisor in residence this year (don maybe, for some of you?), so she did the obligatory referencing me to all the campus resources available, in a joking but also seriously offering manner. She handed me this slip for our school's Queer Students Center, which I took mostly to just play along, but I did tell her I'd actually read it over. So, I did. Turns out they have a "Peer Support" thing, where they get one of the exec students to meet 1 on 1, in private, to just talk about whatever you feel comfortable talking about. I decided I'd give it a shot, since it's confidential, and I'm sure a step in the right direction, so I ended up meeting with this girl about a week afterwards. Most of the meeting just ended up talking about my coming out story so far, coming to terms, etc. etc. with her asking questions to direct the conversation and make me think. One of the things that kept coming up was the idea that I'm hitting a "tipping point", as she put it: that point in the coming out/acceptance process where you're almost completely okay with it and want to be out, and just have it all over and done with. So, yeah. The last couple weeks that thought's been on my mind recently. I know I'm not 100% comfortable with it yet, but I think that's more fear of people hearing before I get a chance to tell them (like family). But on the other hand, I feel what she's describing; I'm so done with formally "coming out". I'm done with worrying about how people are going to react. I'm done with spending a fair chunk of my time thinking about who knows and how I'm going to tell the next people. I'm periodically getting giddy thoughts too, just at the idea of "being out". On the other hand, I know that it's not my time to "be out" quite yet. There's a series of "proper channels" to go through, and I think telling those closest to me personally is an important step. That includes my close friends (basically my housemates) and my family. It's exciting, because I know once I tell the last few people in my house, I could pretty much choose to be "out" at university if I want to (and man, do I want to). Yeah, I don't really know what I'm looking for here. Have any of you felt this before? I don't know how else to describe it... it's just a really happy, excited, nervewracking longing feeling to be out. Usually I'm worrying about how I'm going to tell each person, but lately it's been frustrated that I even have to go through that step. Note: I do know I don't have to do any of the proper steps I mentioned, but I told myself that I personally felt it was an important thing to do. And the first thing I told myself when I started coming out (and to the first person I told) was that "if I'm coming out, I'm doing it on my terms and I'm making sure I do it right".
If you don't feel ready to come out- don't. It's simple as that. When you want to come out, come out. If you don't want to right now, don't. You need to come out in your own time
If there is no powerful reason not to, I would go ahead and come out to your housemates. If nothing else, it's nice to be able to be yourself at home. And then you will have a support system in place for when you decide to tell your family.
I can't remember the exact feelings or whatever but one day I sort of decided that I was out with actually being out to many people, it was a frame of mind and I was so much happier so then I just stopped hiding it, I didn't go out of my way to tell people I didn't think it necessary! I did tell my fam though rather than never raise it, but I always kept them informed along my path of discover so when I reached that 'tipping point' the technically important people already knew. But I agree that if there is nothing stopping you from telling your housemates then don't hide it from them!
Well, there's a little bit holding me back at the current moment from telling them... it's mostly a timing issue. Part of it is because it's exam season, everyone's busy, and I don't really want to say it without making sure I'm available or something (I usually leave the house for the whole day to study, and I don't want to seem like I'm avoiding everyone). That, and someone is moving out for good shortly, so I don't want it to come off as a last-minute thought. Finally, one guy is pretty religious and has been against homosexuality before; I'm not concerned about him, but he's not going to be the first one I tell. I know I'll get it done, it's just seeming like the most appropriate time to do it would be early in the New Year, so it sucks a little, only because I want to get it over with.
I know what your talking about! For me, I'm hoping the return to school next semester is going to be that time where can just let it come up as it comes up and not have to worry abuot going out of my way to hide it or to make it known. Break gives me a chance to let the close/important people know, so that parts perfect. The only slight problem is family. I'll be telling my brother soon, since I know he'll be fine with it, and we're rather close. My mom and I arent super super close, but I wouldnt mind her knowing really. Im fairly confident shed accept it. I still might not mention it unil I have a compelling reason to, but its not a worry. My Catholic Dad is the one I have to worry about. It would not go smoothly. I guess I have to choose between everyone knowing, and risking the info getting to him earlier than Im pepared for, and stayig mostly on the dl and playing it safe. Im inclined to go with the first option at this point., but its a consideration. So, Budder and hml8: do/have either or you had/have any "exceptions" like this? Maybe one or two people who youd rather didnt know yet, even if it was alright for everyone else to? Were/are you worried about them finding out, and did that ever really happen?
