6 years ago I realised I was really attracted to other men, and that it wasn't going away anytime soon. Now I spent about three years thinking that this was who I was. That I was gay, and I eventually accepted myself. Then one of my friends wanted me to go to her church. At first it seemed quite nice. However a few months later I got more involved in it, and I found that being gay was considered very bad. Which was very difficult because I was gay and now I'm suddenly really bad because of it. Why? I didn't remember saying I wanted this. It just happened. Naturally there was only one thing I could do and that was to become straight. So I signed up for courses that could help and I prayed extra hard, and for a while I thought it was actually working. Sadly the thoughts just would not leave no matter how hard I tried. Eventually I decided that it just wasn't working and after two years I said goodbye to being Christian. Now I haven't been to church since last year, and have finally decided to accept myself again. However recently I have been having thoughts such as maybe homosexuality is a lie, maybe you did choose it and maybe you will go to hell if you continue etc. My friends keep telling me that this is who I am, that I can't change and I believe it also. Yet I still get the maybe it is wrong? Popping into my head. I don't believe that but it just pops into my head sometimes. I just want to be push those thoughts away permanently and say yes I am gay without any doubts. Because I know I am.
It's great that you except what you really are. But you should never question it. You are gay and there is nothing wrong or bad about that. I don't think just because of that experience with church that you should try to change something that you can never change. You should never have doubts. No matter what any one says. You are gay and that's what makes you wonderful. Trust me it is never wrong, it is perfectly fine. So I hope this helps and that you will be able to get rid of those thoughts of doubt about your homsexuality.
I am with you on this one bud. I also have doubts about my sexuality. Every time I try and say that I didn't choose to be this way...I doubt it in my mind. Then I think to myself...if there was this pill to cure Homosexuality...I would take it. I mean it would be a lot better if I could just be straight wouldn't it? I mean who actually wants to be gay and in the closet. Once your out of the closet and happy with yourself, maybe THEN you want to be gay. But there isn't alot of people out there who would choose our lifestyle I think. So maybe that helps?
Maybe it would help if you found a gay friendly church. One that accepts and loves you for who you are. I think they are more inclined to present the true message of Jesus.
I think it's natural for you to question this - I'm sure most of us have at some point or another. We're brainwashed by society to think that hetro is 'normal' and if we're not hetro then maybe something is 'wrong'. So don't rush things. It sounds like you've got some very supportive friends to back you up. Stick with them. And stick around in here!
Thanks for the comments everyone. I think I just need to relax and remember that this is who I am and theres nothing wrong with it.
Absolutely right, i find alot of people have problems with accepting themselves because of religious beliefs, i am one of them. my family is very religious, and i was raised with the same beliefs. I now believe that it is possible to be both a good christian and a gay. you just have to remember the concept of god for what it is, and look past the rules of the church and the society part of it, and eventually you will feel that god loves you the same as he would if you liked women. it is something that the chruch frowns apon, not something that god finds unforgiving, thats what i believe anyways. just take it easy and do what makes you happy
