I have been on six dates with this girl, and I'm really into her. But, she has no idea that I just got out of a relationship with a guy, that I'm only a little out of the closet, that I've never slept with a girl before. I haven't lied; I just haven't volunteered it, and she hasn't asked. She's talked about her exes before, so I know she's been with women (perhaps quite a few). At first, I was pleased that I didn't have to talk about my past, but now I'm getting stressed. The last two dates have pretty much just been making out in my apartment - which is awesome - except that I don't know what I'm doing. Kissing, fine, that's pretty self explanatory. But as things escalate, I'm getting in way over my head. I don't really want to pretend that I know what I'm doing (partly because I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be convincing). I'd rather just tell her that I need her guidance. But how? I know I should have brought it up sooner... Thoughts?
Just be honest... tell her she's your first girlfriend... Tell her you are still in the process of coming out, and that you have never slept with a woman... I'm sure she will understand
I wouldn't feel like a dork, women are usually more understanding..... I would have to do the same thing if I ever get a girlfriend...
Yeah, I hope you're right. I mean, if I don't say anything, it's going to be obvious anyway, and I'd rather just be honest. But, part of me would rather just play it cool, ya know?
Oh im sure it will be nerve racking, but just be honest, and tell her you dont want to ruin things between the two of you and thats why you are telling her
I agree--I'd be the same way. I wouldn't want to, but I'd probably force myself to eat some humble pie and get it over with. Just being honest with her is the best.
Hey I wouldnt worry I am sure she wont think badly of you, you could bring it up before the make out session starts, like go for a coffee or something and say something like 'I have really enjoyed the time we have spent together lately, but I just want you to know that I have never been with a girl before'. Just keep it light hearted and im sure she will be accommodating.
Absolutely, just talk to her. You can let her know up-front that it's uncomfortable for you to talk about, if that helps. But everyone knows that everyone has a first time, so you won't at all look like dork (by contrast, if you really don't know what you're doing, you may look like a dork if you *don't* talk to her about it). She may even be honored to be your first! Seriously, honesty is always best in relationships. And if by some weird chance, this bothers her...then she isn't worthy of you. But that won't happen. Good luck!
Update: I told her last night. You guys who said I should have said something sooner were right. We were already in bed, she was totally surprised, and it was slightly awkward. She said she was cool with it, but I'm not totally convinced that she is.
She might feel a little awkward about it, but I don't think it's a relationship killer. And part of the reason that it was awkward was that you had to stop what was going on in order to tell her about it. Make sure she knows that you aren't unsure about your feelings towards her--you're inexperienced and still coming out, but you are not confused about what you want. You aren't just experimenting, or whatever. Aside from that, the main concern she might have is about your being closeted. If she's been out for a long time, it might be a deal-breaker for her to have to have a closeted relationship. As your girlfriend, she may have to participate in subterfuge if you want to avoid certain people finding out about you. Some people don't want to live like that. But that is not so much of a problem if you are planning on coming out, and you just haven't finished it yet. From what you said, though, it was just a little awkward--she wasn't angry, and she didn't break it off or anything. Give her a little while to adjust.
I think it was probably awkward because it was a bit of a shock to her, and she may have acted awkwardly afterwards because perhaps she was worried that she was pushing you too fast to become physical. If she still carried on and wants to see you again then I wouldnt worry.
