Over the past few weeks I've been starting to notice something. Me and my father are starting to become really distant! I think that if you were to have a conversation we both would know nothing about the other. We barely ever talk, and when I ask him with help with something he usually isn't their. And this worst part of it all, even though it sometimes feels like I don't have a dad, I doesn't seem to bother me at all. But the fact that it doesn't bother me, bothers me...Hmm.. Don't get me wrong, growing up I had a great dad! I love my dad I really do. But for the past few years my dad tends to travel alot because of work. He is only home for a maximum for a week before he flies out again. And sometimes he can be home for a total of 6 hours till he's gone again. Stressful for him, I know. But it's just after having that "Talk" with mom, I've realised this is all I've said to my dad about my sexuality. (Happened during the whole first comming out story) Dad: "So, why do you think your gay?" Me: "Oh, Mom told you!?" Dad: "Yes, so why do you think your gay?" Me: *Grunt* I don't want to talk about it. Dad: "I don't care or anything.." Me: *Sigh* That's it. Now Mom has told him about my possible trip to Toronto in January but as father to son we haven't talked about it. Hell we haven't talked serious in a while. And it doesn't bother me. Is it healthy to be Okay with this? I mean could it be that me and my father are just not compatiable? Haha He seems to be good friends with my older brother, but with me it seems like he just doesn't care...Although I'm sure he does.
Seems like he's unsure as to what to say to you, sounds like you two need to talk =/ Atleast thats the impression i get from your post.
Honestly, I think its best to keep apart than to have arguments. But if you don't think you're going to argue then try to talk. =]
It seems like the solution here is to talk to dad. Just like the solution is ALWAYS to TALK. I just find it difficult picturing myself (on a boat on the river-Lol) sitting down and talking to my dad. It seems he hardly has the time or the patience to sit down with me anyways. He's always in and out of the house...and when he is home he's on the computer working or watching football on the couch. But if it doesn't really bother me, then what does it matter right?
OK, I’m gonna jump out there with a couple of observations. The fact that you posted about the distance you feel towards your dad indicates that it DOES bother you. Even if I’m wrong and it doesn’t bother you, it is not positive or ok to let the distance grow if you can do something about it. Fact is, we only have our dads for so long. My dad died long ago and we had a very good relationship. But there are so many things I would love to have talked to him about or asked. I will never have that chance. Every moment with a family member or friend is precious. If you waste it, you’ll kick yourself in the ass for having missed the opportunities when you had them. So take the initiative and close the distance between you. All it takes is for one person to reach out to the other. You won’t regret it. (*hug*)
I think Lorenz is right.I never knew who my Father was. He was remote.Although I lived in his house for over 20 years I have no idea what he thought.He was the rule enforcer,be this do that.Try to make it special.
So maybe it's just a thing with some fathers? Some fathers are just fathers by being the bacon bringer and rule enforcer (along with transporation for me). Perhaps that is just the relationship dad and I are suppose to have? I mean I don't hate dad, or feel like my dad is a bad father...
Aww i know how you feel i never had a close relationship with my dad after my parents divorced try to talk to him try to bring up a different conversation do anything it takes i know he should be taking the step to do it but it shows who the bigger person is.
here it comes again..... TALK TO HIM! seriously it might be uncomfortable but you need to start it even if its nothing serious just asking how he is or how his trip went or how has his day been. This will open up a chance for conversation. If you don't start now you are going to look back when you're 60 and regret the distance you had with your father and wish you could go back and change it. the distance will only get worse. There are so many things that your father could tell you and that you could tell your father. Don't waste the chance you have while you are so willing to admit the distance.
It kind of sounds like your Dad was trying to talk to you about it but things didn't go well. So I would suggest, open up the conversation again and tell him you would be happy to talk about it and answer his questions. I think it will bring you closer!! Dad can't help that his job takes him out of town alot but you can take advantage of the time he is there to become closer.
My relationship with my mom is like your relationship with your dad. We don't talk to each other very much and she is normally busy with her job as a nurse. My dad and I talk a lot though and I'm very close with my dad. I think part of the problem with my mom not wanting to accept my being gay is because I've never tried to talk very openly with her about it. I actually just finished writing out my journey of self-realization and will insert it into the pages of the Straight Parents, Gay Children book I got my parents this weekend. I think writing things helps when we don't know the words to say or feel awkward in a face to face conversation. Now I just have to figure out how to get my parents to read the book Anyways, if talking won't quite work out, maybe you can write down your thoughts to your father in a letter and he can read it when he has time? Just a suggestion.
(Note: yes I'm WAAAAAY behind on people's posts.) I think Becky's advice is really good... it sounds like your dad was trying to make an effort even if it might have sounded like he was going to give you a hard time about it. I don't think it's ever very easy, initially, for kids to talk to their parents about anything to do with sexuality, because it's hardly like you could have said, "Yeah I know I'm gay because I really wanna suck cock" to your dad (although I'm sure in certain contexts that could be funny :lol. But if you like your dad and he's a decent guy, it would be a shame not to try a bit more to re-develop more of a relationship with him. Men in general and of a certain generation in particular (although I guess you're young enough that maybe the "of a certain generation" bit doesn't apply) are not generally really good at dealing with relationships or tricky subjects, so (sadly, and relatively unfairly) if you want to have a good relationship with them, you have to, at least initially, be the one to make the effort. One thing you could do (not necessarily the right approach but an approach) could be to try to talk to him about some of the things you've mentioned in this thread, basically that you feel like you've drifted apart and you'd like to be closer to him. And maybe "we could make some more time for each other" which kinda gets at the fact that he's away a lot but doesn't make it sound like that's totally all his fault (which hey, maybe it isn't) but rather something you two can both make an effort towards fixing.
I echo the advice above recommending that you talk to your dad. It is not always easy for fathers to know what to do. They are also human, with the same feelings and emotions you have. As a kid, I looked to my father as this authority figure, who was all knowing. Now that I am a father (and have been for some time), I see my dad in a different light. I think I understand some of the things he did as I was growing up and recognize his mistakes and weaknesses, as well. Most parents who travel a lot for work, including me, hate being away from their kids. Unfortunately, sometimes dads don't really have a choice, particularly with the financial pressures placed on them to support their family. While it may be hard to start this conversation with your dad, I think you will be very happy you did. Good luck!
Me and my dad arnt very close but i think that has something to do with the fact i dont live with him... Still love him though Catch
