Need of outside perspective

Do you or does anyone have a magical gaydar? It does sound to me that he likes you- but I'm no expert. Best thing to do is to talk to him I think. Ask him.

But the fact that he's your boss further complicates things. I, not working, will equate it to a teacher situation. If my teacher asked for my mobile number, I'd tell them to get lost. One teacher consistently stared at my boobs in class (which was fortunately only once every two weeks) and I always got pissed but stayed quiet. In retrospect, maybe I should have said something. But its too late now.

Anyway. He's supposed to be professionally responsbile and getting involved with a staff member will create a whole new set of problems that have nothing to do with orientation.

Sorry I've nothing more helpful to say. Best of luck

 

In the magical land of interpretation that my mind goes to, this is the hypothesis which I have devised.

1. He's questioning his sexuality.
2. He knows you are gay
3. You are (in his mind) the best chance he has of having someone to "experiment" with
4. He's too afraid to ask you flat out so he kind of hints to see if you'll hit on him or something

Of course, people have a tendency to assume other people are like them. So if you are gay you are more likely to assume people are gay than a straight person is and vice versa. That goes for about all traits. People just assume that others think the same way they do. So my "hypothesis" could in fact just be me reflecting on what his behavior would mean if it was me acting them out.

Now, what's really important is that he's closeted. I would not expect a healthy relationship with him. I would say if you want a secret friends with benefits thing, then go ahead and try. If you want a boy friend I would think you're better off leaving him to his insecurities until he's ready to step out of the closet.

I hope this post made sense... I'm very tired.

(Why do nearly all my posts involve some kind of numbered list?)

 

Well, if he's not your boss, then my input seems kind of useless :roflmao:

 

I'm glad of that and glad that I could help in some small way, even if its knowing someone cares.

 

The lady RA doth protest too much!

But really, what do you want? Are you just curious to know if he's gay? Or do you want to get closer to/date him?

If it's just the first, leave it alone. If he is indeed gay, he needs to proceed at his own pace of self-acceptance. Just be a casual, comfortable-with-his-gay-self friend.

If it's the second, you might just try to get him alone - share a coffee with him - and just try to get into more personal conversation. Don't talk about him, talk about you. Being gay, learning to accept it, looking for other gay friends/a boyfriend/whatever. But still, don't confront him.

 

Just to clarify, cause I don't think this his been established yet - does he in fact know you're gay? If not, start there - revealing both your own sexuality and your feelings about him in one blow might be a bit much, especially if he's "straight."

It is, of course, notoriously difficult to figure out if someone is actually questioning/bi/gay or whatever, especially if you're interested in them. There's a wide variety of things that could be happening here - he could just be friendly. Does he tend to talk about any one thing when he's hanging out with you?

Is there some place/time that you could hang out with him in a less public venue? Even something like having him over to your place for whatever purpose, watching a movie, video games, etc. Giving him a chance to express something without being publicly scrutinized might allow him to be more open - if, indeed, he's hiding anything to begin with.

Also, not to be dense, but how does him being the assistant residence director at your residence hall complicate things, exactly? Seems to me that he's not your boss, he's not your teacher, you don't even work with him - you have no real professional connection. So what makes you apprehensive about the possibility of something developing?

 

there's a few things wtih this that you should consider.

1. he is your RA's boss or RA or somewhat like an RA. whatever the situation, he is somewhat in charge of you and having any situations with a resident in his dorm is pretty much a no no. so even if he likes you, he can't really express that.

2. he says he is straight. whether someone is or is not straight, i have learned that if they say they are straight then you have to accept their position and leave it alone. if they flirt with you after that, i would not put any energy into it. do you really want to be in a situation where you have to figure someoen out constantly. its not really worth it.

3. my advice is just to remain friendly and cordial but do not push the issue. if you feel like fliring, you can if you are flirted with but keep in mind sometimes when we like someone we interpret anythign they do to mean they are flirting with us and this may or may not be the case. but as long as you are his resident, its not going to go anywhere anyway and if it does, it could be not a great situation for him. just focus on someone else.

finally my best advice on "is he gay/straight cuz he seems like he is interested but he is "straight" situations is this: do not get wrapped in these. assume they are straight or so closeted that its not going to work out anyway. doesn't mean you can't open the door for them to walk through if they want to, but it does mean that you shouldn't be wasting time and energy worrying about if they are going to walk through the door. just be nice, be yourself, if they flirt with you, flirt back at the same level. do not flirt extra heavy or in a way that makes you seem "gay". just reciprocate as much as they do. if they like you enough sooner or later they will reveal it. you can ask to hang out or whatever, but dont overly push anything with these types.

teh reality is many people are closeted, many people are in denial, many people are actually living double lives, so this is why sometimes you get confusing messages.

---------- Post added 19th Dec 2011 at 12:03 AM ----------

If it's the second, you might just try to get him alone - share a coffee with him - and just try to get into more personal conversation. Don't talk about him, talk about you. Being gay, learning to accept it, looking for other gay friends/a boyfriend/whatever. But still, don't confront him.[/QUOTE]

this is good advice.

 

take it for what it is worth but i think that you can try and be friends with him and if he wants to come out to you that's fine but i really wouldn't push this. you have to ask yourself " why do you want or need alone time with him?" is it beause you really want to have him open up about hsi sexuality....if so, why? you already mentioned that even if he liked you dating you would be a no no so why put him in that position. if you move to another dorm maybe that's a differnet story later on. for now, just be friendly but honestly you dont want to be in some drama situation and this sounds like a recipe for that.