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Is it possible to condition sexual responses...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mcmannerberry, Dec 18, 2011.

  1. Mcmannerberry

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    Is it possible to condition sexual responses for the opposite sex? To warn everyone this is going to be a long post and a good portion of it can be skipped. A lot of it is just my personal backstory and what I am going through that causes me to ask such a question so you know my motives. I will separate this in between lines. If you wish just to read the question/ core to the topic, then skip down to the bottom below after the optional section.

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    Its been a while since I posted but if anyone has missed one of my previous post where i try to figure out my mess of an orientation. I will explain myself. My whole life I have always been POWERFULLY emotionally connected to girls. And I have always had powerful physical attractions to them, there appearances drawing in my eyes like magnets, making my heart skip a beat, and just generally mesmerizing me. I have never had a full blown crush for a guy, an incredibly minor and short lived infatuation once but passed quickly. And I don't find barely any guys attractive, only a few and its a weaker attraction to girls.

    These are my built in natural desires and attractions by the way. So I know what everyone is thinking, so what's the problem your just a straight guy or a straight oriented bi guy with a slight thing for guys. The problem is my body only sexually responds to guys (and shemales) and gay (and shemale) fantasies. I can make myself hard consitently imagining having sex with a shemale or a guy (especially from the bottom role) while the only way I can make myself hard for girls is through physical stimulation. And when I stop physically stimulating myself, I lose erection pretty quickly. Also just the general intensity of the orgasm and ease of effort to orgasm is better with gay fantasies then straight. Sometimes it can be incredibly hard to orgasm while thinking of straight sex. Other times not that bad at all. In matter of fact I find with straight fantasies or porn, I normally have to focus on some weird kink like bdsm or something as otherwise it seems "bland". Mentally I have every desire to have sex with a girl and find their bodies to be truly sexy. Sometimes I cant stand my desire to make out, grope, or hug them (desires I do not have with guys btw). But its like my body doesn't want to co-operate. Sometimes I feel like I have ED or something but I know its not that as my erections are consistent and pretty good with thoughts of gay sex. Its like for straight sex the spark in my mind fails to light and connection between my mind and penis is not made.

    It's extremely confusing and makes me feel like I never have a chance with a straight relationship because no matter how much I love her and or find her to be hot, I wont be able to perform adequately in the bedroom and subsequently show enough interest in her in that way (other then wanting to view her naked, grope her, and make out with her). There are times when watching straight porn Ive had to think of gay fantasies just to get me in the mood/ arouse me and Ill take it from there with straight fantasies.

    On the other hand, I feel like Ill never be able to love a guy or appreciate the attractiveness of a guy. I feel like it will only be me wanting to use him for sex and I won't be able to maintain a long happy relationship with him. The idea feels so forced and awkward. And with most guys, it even feels gross. I have tried to be gay. I have tried to make myself find guys physically attractive or emotionally attractive but it always feels like I am forcing myself and doesn't take away my powerful feelings for girls.

    So yeah because of this, I want to know if it is possible to retrain myself and my bodily responses. Is it possible to condition myself so I find girls to be as sexually arousing/ fulfilling as guys/shemales. And if so how can I do this. I was thinking maybe I could just masterbate only to lesbian porn. Im afraid to do straight porn because then Ill see the guy and subsequently jack off to him or pretending to be the girl even if it is on a subconscious level. Im also thinking about only "rewarding" myself with stimulation if it is a straight fantasy or looking at a girl and ignoring my boner if it is a gay fantasy. Doing this through "positive reinforcement". I have also considered giving myself a light slap or something if I do get aroused from a gay fantasy. But I am reluctant to do the "negative reinforcement" because that has the potential to be harmful and is kind of crazy. I am for the most part against all forms of self bodily harm even if it is just a light slap to the leg or hand with no long term damage (or even short term).

    I'm just tired of my sexuality and bodily sexual responses not matching with who I find to be hot and who I want to date/crush on. The best way I can describe myself is I feel like a straight guy stuck in a gay guy's body. And I am tired of it. I either want the feelings for women to go away and suddenly find guys attractive/ crush on them or make the sexual feelings for guys to go away and my sexual feelings for women to grow. Am I just screwed to have a sexuality that doesn't match my attractions/crushes and be doomed to be single my whole life?
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    So is conditioning even possible? Has there been any scientific study on such a notion and if so does anyone have a web link so I can read it? Is there any tips to such a process. And to full fledged gay guys (who know they are gay) who have tried a similar thing, what was it like and how were the results? And to people who are bi or were questioning, have you guys tried this and what were the results?
     
  2. Mcmannerberry

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    P.S. Im not trying to imply that homosexuality is simply a result of conditioning for all people. I think there are legitimate gays and legitimate bis. This can be reflected by their physical attractions, emotional attractions, and mental desires for sex. I am merely analyzing the sexual response side of things, how thoughts or fantasies in one's mind interacts with their physical arousal.
     
  3. olides84

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    I expect you won't get many responses because most of the folks here seeking support are trying to understand their true orientation/desires and learn to accept and be comfortable with them. Not to condition themselves to something different than what they are attracted to.

    That being said, I really don't know much about this nor can give you much advice on what to do. You seem worried that with a woman you wouldn't be able to perform in bed, and with men you wouldn't be emotionally or physically attracted, but is that just in the abstract. Is it the same in reality? Have you dated and/or given relationships a chance? What were the results?
     
  4. PrissyPandah

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    Well I don't know if I would go so far as to say conditioning in terms of orientation as there is evidence to prove that one's sexual orientation is cemented from birth,but there is also evidence to suggest that based on physical conditioning(Classical conditioning/Pavlovian conditioning) that if you associate getting your desire satisfied and it has consistently been with men is another theory. I say base it on the level of compatibility and emotional connection you have with whichever sex.

    try this link
    Sexual arousal and classical conditioning - Asexual Visibility and Education Network
     
  5. Emergelove

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    I must admit I did not read your entire post. However, I find interesting the fact that you are so attracted to women, and yet when it comes down to having sex, you find the gay fantasy and male body more arousing (or, I wonder if I can read, safer to be aroused around).

    I agree with everything what Oldies has written above. Especially that have you had experiences where in our relationship with women you have not found yourself not to be able to have sex? Or relationship with men where you can have good sex but not emotional connection despite wanting to have connection (unlike a hook up)?

    Because I wonder if there is something about having sex with women (and not romantic and emotional connection) that is problematic for you and that impacts your sense of self and may be talking to a professional cousellor might be worthwhile.

    Can you write more about yorr actual experience?
     
  6. Mogget

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    Basically, no, no you can't. At best you can pull a Dan Savage and imagine Keeanu Reeves while having sex with a woman.