Hey guys me again.. soo i have an issue that has happened. so let me fill you guys in first. its kinda long but bare with me. So my mom started seeing this guy. and thats fine i dont care. I want her to be happy so thats good. This guy is one of her long time customers. She has known him for 3 years and he has always had a crush on her. but my mom wasnt interested. However around a month ago. She decided to give him a chance. So they started going out. I know my mom loves me and says i cant be replaced by no man. But she started going out with him for dinner so many times i would eat alone. (i only live with my mom and sister, but she is hardly home). I started getting a little annoyed by this because i havent eaten real food cooked by her in a while because she goes out with him almost everyday. Now the situation has changed. yesterday she said he is moving in. My sister got mad and said she was going to move out. Then my older sister that doesnt live with us told her that its not right. that its too fast. And me. what do i think? i love my mom and i want her to be happy. but this isnt cool. i hate the fact he wants to live here and he is going to. Today was the first day for him here. it was like he was part of the family, and i felt super awkward. I hardly know him. the only thing i know is his first name and that he likes spicy food. thats it. oh and where he works. but i dont know what he does.. anyways. My mom said that the only opinion that matters is mine. so if i say that i dont like him living here. he would leave. But she tries to make me feel guilty by telling me she doesnt want to be alone and all this crap. And i dont fully mind, but maybe if she wouldve waited a few months. but just like that? noo.. and she says he will only be there when she is there.. I want her to be happy, but i dont like this because 1) i hardly know him, so its like a stranger. 2) its wayyy too fast in my opinion. 3) its super awkard. 4) since im used to being the only guy in the house i feel like he is going to take over my space. 5) i havent had any time alone with my mom since he is in her life.. kinda sad..:icon_sad: so i need some advice.. Do you guys think its fast? or is it reasonable because they kinda know each other for that long? am i being selfish? should i tell her that im uncomfortable? any advice will help! uugh i dont like this.. :***:..and plus we are going on vacation to visit some family for christmas and new years. Meaning he will stay at my house alone for 2 weeks. can you say weird!!! uugh maybe im being stupid and an asshole... i dont know what to do. i want to talk to her. but he is like freaken glue on her. I want to talk one on one and he is always there! annoying!:bang::bang:
My aunt married a boy 4 months after meeting him without giving her kids the chance to adjust to him. He practically moved in overnight. Long story short, drove my cousin Anne to move out because she hated him and he doted on his daughter from the marriage and was waaaaay too harsh on the other kids, blowing up at them over TINY things. Five years later, she has left him because it was him or the kids. I'm not saying that this will go that way, but try to talk to her and tell her how you feel. She will hopefully listen to you. Best of luck! (*hug*)
Well, there are several issues here. First, a month is awfully fast. The biology of attraction is that there are certain hormones secreted when you first meet someone that are around for the first couple months, and only after those wear off do you find out if you really connect with the person, so making those sorts of big commitments right off is usually not the most prudent decision. Second, if there is even going to be consideration of a person moving in, a normal and reasonable approach would be to first introduce the person informally, second get a real chance for everyone to get to know one another and become comfortable, and third, have a discussion with everyone currently living there before any steps are taken. Now... that said, she's entitled to be happy and have someone who cares about her, and it sounds like all of her children are grown, so ultimately, it would be reasonable for her to say "I feel really strongly about this and I'd like to share the rest of my life with him" or whatever... and if her kids don't like it, then they can have the opportunity to move out... but not on a week or two's notice. Of course, all of this is water under the bridge, as he's already there. So what I'd suggest is make the best of it. Deal with the awkwardness head-on and invite him out for lunch so the two of you can talk. Tell him, honestly, that you feel like things moved really fast and you're a little concerned and it takes time for you to make these sorts of connections. If he's worth a damn, he'll understand and probably appreciate the opportunity to speak openly. And then, from there, have a conversation with your mom and tell her how you honestly feel after speaking with her boyfriend. It's very possible that he is the perfect guy and you'll grow to really like him, and your mom feels something very strong and didn't want to let it get away. But that doesn't mean you can't still be cautious and make the decision that's best for you. Please keep us informed
I won't argue that it's too fast--at least for your Mom. But she absolutely did not take anyone else's feelings into consideration. And now it's lots of unneeded pressure on you (and pretty unfair to the boyfriend too) for your Mom now to let you make a decision--when he's already there! I agree with everything that Chip says. He's there, so deal with it. Give him a chance and get to know him one-on-one. Learn what you can. Then you can make a more informed decision.
I think you definately need to have a chat with your Mum, its important to make sure that you come across in the right way so by ensuring that you convey that its not that you dislike him or that you want her to be unhappy but that you are unhappy with the speed and way in which he was introduced to your home. Its important that you air your feelings because otherwise you will have pent up feelings towards him which will most likely come out in the wrong way and spoil any chance that you have of getting on with the guy.
