Stressed out to the max...

Well, your friend Alex has absolutely no rights here (and IMO doesn't deserve them either) unless he gets himself known to Hailie's parents, gets his name on the kid's birth certificate, and gets more involved. But still, I suppose he's not much in a position to intervene unless he and Hailie have a better option than the parents raising the kid. If she's just as young as he is, I highly doubt it.

Raising it as Hailie's daughter or Hailie's sister is another story. It sounds too much like a soap opera--the truth always comes out. Especially if he gets his name on the baby's birth certificate.

 

Well, when it comes down to it, Jackson getting in the best environment is what is really important. I feel sorry for your friend, but he's still a child himself. As hard as this is for your friend, when he decided to have a kid, he decided to have to make some mature decisions, and I think in this case the most mature thing he can do is realize that his son comes first, and that might mean not being able to be a part of his life.

You say you don't think its good for the girl's parents to raise him, but do you think its actually a bad environment, or do you just think its unfair to your friend?

 

As has been said, I think what is best for the child is generally the best thing to do. I think this would be having the child's grandparents (Hailie's parents) pretty much take all responsibility as they'll be able to provide the most stable environment.

However trying to pretend that they actually are his parents, not his grandparents, and his mother is his sister is ridiculous. Not only is it pretty disrespectful to the child (who will DEFINITELY find out sooner or later and feel betrayed), it's disrespectful towards Alex because he is essentially being entirely removed from his child's life, and is a horrible thing to put Hailie through a she'll have to try to pretend she's his sister.

This exact storyline occurred on Desperate housewives when Bree's daughter got pregnant. Bree wore a fake pregnancy suit and then raised the baby as her own afterwards, but of course everyone found out eventually.

 

Some of this will be hard to hear...

First things first, a fourteen/fifteen year old is not an adult and can not raise a child by themselves. No offense meant. But, thinking otherwise acts upon what's better for oneself than for the kid. This "me first, you later" act seems to be dominating decision making here - as it would for anyone that age in or out of this situation. The kid needs to come first.

Having the parents raise the child as their own is not an unnatural act. It is in fact, the best choice in this kind of situation and the most often used solution. Your friend, if he outs himself as the father, I'm sure will have no problem in being part of the child's life. It's not like they can go off, get a house and raise the child all by themselves - that's just not going to happen. They're fourteen.

As to how the kid is going to respond when he can understand? He's going to be angry, no doubt any way around it. This isn't like LGBT parenting, that's perfectly normal. This and the ramifications of this? Is a serious situation and none a kid would be particularly fond of. He's going to grow up not wanting to repeat the same mistakes. And yes, he'll view it as a mistake. Sorry to have to put it so bluntly.

When he is eighteen years old? Old enough that it can't embarrass him in front of the other kids? And old enough that he's mature enough to understand fully without becoming over enraged? He'll get slightly angry at first then understand it and be thankful for the sacrifice being raised as his mother's brother made. If his parents raised him openly, he'd go through hell over it.

I know how this post comes off. But, it's the harsh seriousness of this situation. And the only way he'll truly hate your friend is if he doesn't come forward and have at least something to do with his life. If your friend becomes the cool older unrelated brother? That'll eventually translate into the cool dad.

Take it from a kid whose father left him for dead forcing his mother to send him away for his protection, most of us are angry at our parents for what they did. We all feel badly about it in some way while trying to come to terms with it. We all wonder if we're a mistake. It's not easy for anyone, especially the child. It would have been really hard having my parents come back when I was a teenager or before that. Now? If they come back, while it'll still be hard and I'll have difficulty trusting them at first - I can let them in. My mother? I view it as a sacrifice and I'm proud of her. Now my father? I hate him because he ran away.

Basically saying that level of hatred? If your friend doesn't want to be on that end? Has got to come out to be part of that kid's life and has got to have his name on that certificate so he knew that his father cared. And as for being raised? Being that way is a sacrifice, it won't be easy on anyone - BUT it will be the easiest on the child and THAT is what should matter. In terms of broken families? I'm the kid. Kinda understand that whole mind process.

---------- Post added 20th Dec 2011 at 03:56 PM ----------

Basically the main problem here isn't raising the child. Fourteen/fifteen year olds can't really raise a child - they need their parents there to do it. Having the whole grandparents pose as parents thing is actually age old and someone in my extended family was raised that way and has a great relationship with their family. The main problem is your friend not being involved in the child's life. And if your friend comes forward about it? Unless both sets of parents are heartless - I bet they'll move heaven and earth to make sure that can happen. Your friend just needs to come forward. Nothing at all can happen if he doesn't.