I am a bi-romantic Kinsey 5. I can love either guys or girls, but I'm almost only physically attracted to guys. I have a girlfriend (my first), and we've been dating for about 7 months. Over that time, I've noticed guys, but I've never really cared to do anything about it. Recently, I started to pay more attention to one guy in a couple of my classes. I've realized, over the past couple of days, I actually, physically, want him. I've never felt the same way about anyone else I've ever seen, let alone met. Not even my girlfriend, who I'd thought was the only girl I ever physically liked, but I'm not sure if it was (for lack of a better term,) lust, or creating physical attraction from romantic attraction :bang:. I don't want to leave her because of this guy, but I find he occupies more of my thoughts than she does. If anyone has any advice on how I can lessen my interest in this guy, or really what I can do, I'd love to hear it.
Although this will be hard for her to hear, I think you need to leave her if you feel that strongly about him. By staying with her while you like him more? You'd be doing both of yourselves (you and her) a great disservice. In order to have a good relationship, both of those things need to be in place, you can't really be someone that you're not. Right now, from the sounds of it, you're a gay guy (or more so of a gay guy) in a straight relationship. Unsure how exactly it works for Kinsey 5's - since I bounce back and forth between a 2 and a 4, but since I always wind back up at girls I don't pursue guys that much since I seriously think that'd be unfair to them unless I was that hard core into them. Is this guy bi or gay? If he is, definitely pursue it. If he's not but you're noticing a lot more guys than your present girlfriend? It just wouldn't be fair to you or to her. And it sounds like you're questioning. Basically a large part of my advice is (and remember this is from a guy who really doesn't understand kinsey 5's or kinsey 1's) how attracted are you to her actually vs how much you want to be?
I struggle with similar issues at times, Dew. I think you need to ask yourself first: how critical to me is monogamy and why? If monogamy isn't that important to you personally, consider talking to your girlfriend about the possibility of expanding your physical freedoms a bit. Does she know you're bi? Some partners can be very open-minded about giving freedoms...some only if they can be involved too; some only if they don't have to be involved too; some only if it's with the sex opposite theirs (what they personally can't give you); some only if they get similar freedoms. In general, all kinds of arrangements work for different people. If monogamy is really important to you...well, then, you're with me in the sucky position of being attracted to both sexes physically and romantically, but only able, due to this stupid monogamy-gene, to experience one, at least serially. Best way I know to lessen an attraction for someone you don't know well is to avoid them, and throw yourself into your current relationship. I also think it helps generally to remember that non-bisexual people also have to deal with issues of loving one person but desiring another...this is not a problem of bisexuality, but a problem of being human, and desiring intimacy. Sorry I can't give you a more clear-cut or optimistic response. I'd be happy to talk more with you (or anyone) about this, though...like I said, this is an issue I struggle with and think about a lot. Best wishes.
biAnnika makes a really good point, This really isn't a problem of sexuality but more so of human intimacy combined with monogamy. People will develop feelings about other people randomly and there's not a whole lot one can do about who they develop feelings for. If you want to pursue the feelings I'd advise talking to her, if you want to let them pass then avoidance would be the best approach. An approach such as this though is where do you draw the line for developing feelings... often once you compromise once like this you will continue to compromise yourself. It's a hard decision either way.
It's okay for your eyes and thoughts to wander at times, but if you find that this guy occupies your thoughts MORE than your girlfriend, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship.
He's straight, with a girlfriend for 2 and a half years. I don't want to do anything about it, but it seems that I can't get him out of my head. And I really want to. He should be just another straight crush. Not someone bouncing around my head, invading at all the wrong times. And you're right. It hurts to read it. Telling her, even though she's up-to-date on the whole situation, will really hurt. In my opinion, monogamy is important. Splitting myself between people just seems wrong to me. It's not fair to either person, and it cheapens both relationships. I don't want to be splitting myself between what I imagine I do with this guy, and her. We're not really that physical- it's the first relationship for both of us. I don't really know much about what I'm supposed to feel, or how it's supposed to go.
I am right where you are...only many years down the road. I'm a 5, too. I really have only been attracted to one female. The rest...males right down the line. From my point of view, how will you feel toward your girlfriend ten or twenty years down the road if you stay in that relationship? Will you resent her because she's kept you from the real object of your desires? Or will you be content..accepting fidelity to her over indulging with guys? And what will happen when your interest in women wanes and your interest in guys increases (if it does). The question you're asking really goes way beyond just the one guy you're having feelings for right now. I hope I'm not being too much of Ronnie Raincloud here. But these are issues I'm dealing with as a married 5. Good luck. It's better to sort out your feelings now.
