Hello everyone. I am new to this forum so if I need to post this in another thread, please let me know. Okay, now for the topic: I just came out to my parents 3 days ago and their reactions were way beyond my expectations. My mother made me understand that all she wants is for me to be happy and pleaded me to protect myself during intercourse (which I never had yet). My father asked me questions to understand more my background and hugged me for I don't know how long. Basically, they made me understand that whatever the problems I encounter, they'll be more than happy to have me visit them. I'll come out to my brother who'll arrive from Canada for Christmas. Here is my problem though: I study at Strasbourg (way north-east of France), and my parents live at Paris. I'm in my 2nd year in an engineering school. I have great friends there, but now I have no idea if I can count on them. The engineering environment is quite tense and to some extent macho (80% guys). Add to this the fact that Strasbourg is in Alsace, which is quite a chauvinistic region (yet Strasbourg is still a big city). I have open friends in this school (at least I think...) but I do not know how they'd react if I come out to them. I could only hope for their approval, but I know that the environment can get very competitive, so I am really in fear of being rejected and alone. Honestly, I don't feel like in the need to come out to them yet, but the time will mostly come one day. My biggest fear is to be alone. I can't stand being with no one. I told my parents that maybe I had to change studies, but according to them, it's some form of escape, and that whatever my studies will be, the outcome of coming out or not to my surrounding will be the same. They even told me that if I was too afraid of coming out for my five years of study, then I shouldn't. Once I'd have my engineering diploma, then I can really start what I want. ... I do understand what my parents mean. They are thinking about my life on a longer term: get an engineering diploma and then get a job in a place I wish to live in a well balanced way, and start my new life. But this would cost me 3.5 more years (untill I reach 23 years old). I don't know if I could hold that much time. Do you think they are right? I was almost at the point of stopping and going back to zero, but their thoughts about this now render me a bit disorientated. Please what are your thoughts about this? I know this text was quite long, but I wanted you to concisely understand my background and the environment in which I live. And sorry for the English if there are a few grammatical errors. :smilewave
Welcome to EC! And your English is far superior to my French. It's hard to give specific advice, as it's tough to get a good "read" on a place without actually being there and experiencing it. So it can be difficult to know how people - individually and collectively - will react. That said, my gut feeling is this. Your friends and colleagues will probably be OK with it, especially if you go about it the right way. If you come out to them from a position of confidence - by saying "I'm gay, and since you're my friends, I felt you should know this" - then they're more likely to be accepting. If you come out hesitantly, or with great fear - "I have a secret, and you have to promise not to tell ANYONE!" - then they're more likely to treat your sexuality the same way. Lex
Thank you for the advice! From that perspective, it is true that people will be fine with me being gay if I'm fine with myself. I made an appointment with a psychologist to see how I can gradually reinforce myself, because I seriously lack confidence. Hopefully, I'll be able to do something about this...
Pardonez-moi, mais je n'ai pas souvent la chance d'utiliser le petite peu de Fracais que je sais. Donc, s'il vous plait, j'espere que vous pouvez entrentenir ma follie. D'abord, comment est-ce que vous vous sentez au sujet d'engenierie? Vous parlez comme vous n'y avez pas le coeur et pour moi c'est ceci qui est le plus problematique. Peut-etre, il y a une bonne raison a devenir engenier a cause de l'argent, mais vous dever considerez que vous allez le fair pour longtemps, et c'est vraiment important de choisir quelque chose qui vous rende heureux. J'ai choisi d'etre un prof des mathes au lycee au lieu d'etre un economiste. Ouais, J'avais eu gange plus d'argent en travaillant comme economiste, mais finalment j'ai choisi l'autre parcequ'il me rend plus heureux. Au fond, votre choix d'emploi ne devrait pas etre au subjet d'etre gay. Vous ne laissez jamais votre orientation sexuelle changer vos choix. Peut-etre il y a des autres raisons de quitter l'engenierie, mais en mon avis, ceci ne devrait pas etre l'un d'eux.
Your french is excellent!:icon_bigg There are just a few mistakes here and there but overall it's well written and even very eloquent! How many years have you studied french? Revenons à nos moutons I actually like my studies, and my two first years mostly consist of theorical studies. I will start "feeling" the job on my third year only. But in reality, I do not want to be an engineer who works on the field with workers, because it wouldn't be an environment in which I'd feel comfortable. My parents suggested me to get the diploma, and then do something else that doesn't have to be related with engineering. I'd feel more comfortable and even more efficient in human resources for example. The diploma is basically a way to acquire a solid basis (like you must have done for economics), and according to my father (who is an engineer), this sort of diploma opens paths to different jobs of different domains. I've taken a bit of distance with all that's been said and I've digested it all (I don't know if this expression exists in english!), and I think that they are quite right. You've underlined the most important thing that they also told me: do something that will make you happy. Things in my head are starting to cohere. By the way! I went to Boston this summer, and I absolutely loved it! :icon_bigg And I noticed the Heart of Darkness reference of Marlow (if that was intended!). I remember reading it and not grasping the subtility of the novella :lol:...THE HORROR, THE HORROR!
I'm glad your parents took it so well! As for your college... not being there, I can't say how open or receptive they will be. But do you have close friends there? Friends who you trust? Often, having just one friend know can help relieve the tension.
The expression "to digest an idea" does exist in English. :icon_bigg Definitely don't change studies preemptively. You can always change studies if it turns out that you need to. But you almost certainly won't need to. Really, most people will probably not have a problem with it. And, of the few that DO have a problem, most will get over it. It is very, very unlikely that ALL of your friends will reject you. They will mostly react with varying degrees of acceptance. If it comes to the point that you don't want to be closeted anymore, give them a chance to accept you, rather than just assuming they won't. I mean, they're your friends, right? So, give them the benefit of the doubt. IF it goes badly, THEN think about transferring.
