hey all, i was just wondering if any of you could give me some adivce on a situation. I have three really close friends, we are like sisters. they mean so much to me and as of lately (since we have been on break) two of them have been really closed off. i know both of them are going through difficult situations, however, they are never able to open up to my other friend or me. i know its nothing personal but i feel so in the dark and i just want to help with whatevers going on. i have no problem opening up to them, and when i do i feel like such an idiot afterwards because they never do the same to me. i need to do something, but i never get the chance. i just hate the fact that they are always dealing with things alone and i wish they would let me help (im not the best with words but i can at least listen). it has been stressing me out a lot lately, i know my problems aren't as bad as theirs and i dont mean to be a whiny friend but it hurts always finding out things last or after they have happened. i was just wondering if any of you have any suggestions on how to help them open up, or even something i can do to just help in the least, i feel so hopeless in these situations.
I know how you feel. I've always like to be able to get in and listen to people's problems and be able to try to help. I think the best thing you can do is just express that you are there for them if they feel comfortable talking to you about whatever's wrong. I mean, sometimes people just don't feel comfortable talking to someone about something for weird, totally nonsensical reasons. Like, I don't like talking to my male friends about my sexual orientation or gender identity just because of their gender, which is totally sexist of me. I still can't control who I feel comfortable around. So, I think the most important thing is to try not to take it personally if they still don't feel comfortable opening up.
I think that you just have to be open and honest that you are 100% there for them if they ever want to talk or confide in them. At the end of the day you cant make them tell you, and you are going about it the right way by not taking it personally that they wont open up. One thing which I think might help (or at least it would help me when I struggle to open up) is to remind them that if they want to open up to you it doesnt have to be face to face. I find face to face conversations really hard, but by text, msn or email, whilst its still hard it is not so bad. So this could be an option they might find this a better or easier way of communicating. Remind them frequently that you are there if they need you but without putting any pressure on them to tell you.
Honestly, sometimes you can't help them. Just always make sure they know you're there if they want to open up, over screen if they can't do it face to face, as silverhalo said, but be aware that if they refuse your help all you can do is be their friend.
yes you are all right, and thanks for your advice i really appreciate it. and J snow you are not sexist, i can see how you would feel uncomfortable, and i see what you are trying to say, i hadn't considered that. and yes i definetly can't force them or place any pressure that will make it worse. i'm not sure if offering the non face to face option would work, they both like talking about any issues (that have happened in the past) face to face as things can get mixed up over the internet or phone conversations. its just i have reminded them many times that i am always there for them, sometimes they hint at stuff that they are bottling up which makes it worse because after they say something about the topic they rebound anything i say in return about it. is that a cry for help in a way? it's just we have been friends since we were kids, and i don't think it's that they don't trust me, to me they seem really scared to let anyone see them vulnerable and all this stuff hasnt started recently, its just gotten worse of late.
Sounds like it is a cry for help, only they're too scared to admit it or open up to anyone. I've been there, so feel free to write on my wall. Sadly, my story didn't have a happy ending. But I hope to God yours will (*hug*)
